AIBU for Not going to a wedding I rsvped yes too.

[Noweddingformeow]

Another wedding one.
I was part of a close friendship group of four women, each a pair of best friends that spent a lot of time all together.

One friend got engaged and is only having the other three as bridesmaids, my best friend is dating the grooms best friend so this makes sense.
I was disappointed but just had to get on with it, I offered to help with the planning etc. It’s been 8 months since the engagement and I have only seen the other three four times and the last they just talked about the wedding and experiences they had with out me so I wasn’t part of the conversation. I gave up asking to catch up with them a while ago because they were always doing wedding stuff and I was told no. I have spent time with another friend who is going travelling, the person she was going with can’t go now and I have been asked to go instead. But I would have to miss the wedding to go ( dates can’t be changed).

I sent a text letting the bride know I am no longer able to attend the wedding and I got back pages and pages on text saying disappointed she is as we are such close friends, and that I can just miss her wedding and she booked her hens weekend assuming I would be there.

I just want to scream. The cost of the hens weekend and cost for going to the wedding will nearly be as much as half of the holiday.

I want to write back, we aren’t really friends anymore. I felt like I was pushed out the group a while ago, so I moved on.
I wish you all the best in your celebrations, but I won’t be attending.

Be honest. Tell her you can't afford the hen weekend now that you're committed to your travel plans, and send her a nice wedding present. There shouldn't be any need to fall out about this but neither should you let yourself be emotionally blackmailed into spending a lot of money on a whole weekend where you will basically be the fifth wheel anyway.

Go on the holiday @Noweddingformeow Your so called friends have shown you what you mean to them by being AHs over the wedding. I months is a long time not to cat h up with an allegedly good friend!

Have fun on the holiday.

It is very "mean girls" isnt it?

We are special and will only allow you into our hallowed group when you can subsidise our costs.

fuck that.

Enjoy Thailand! Oh and sack off your so called best friend, no best friend would allow you to be treated like that.

Write to her - just like you said, spell out how you feel, wish her all the best and go on holiday!

It was wrong from the get go IMO because of the exclusion from the wedding party. Today maids and ushers don’t need to be exact #s. It’s bullshit to me to exclude only one person from a friend group when selecting maids. And of course the hen is going to be awkward..there have been long threads from posters on a hens and being excluded then too or treated cruelly and ignored. If you want to take the highest road send a gift with a card. Doesn’t have to be $$ but something she registered for as a recognition of your shared history and happiness for her. I think you have a lot of courage OP to call this bullshit out and not subject yourself to it just to get along.

All sounds toxic and designed for perfect insta pics. Cba with this level of fakery. Even if you were a bridesmaid you could pull out to go on a trip of a lifetime. Her wedding is not your life. A good friend would support your decision making here and tell you to have an amazing time. Sounds utterly dull to exclude a pal to go out in couples. You will hopefully meet lots of people who are open minded, welcoming and interested in value in inclusive life experiences. If they hadn't excluded you, you might not have bonded so well with someone else and the opportunity may not have come up. Karma. Have a great trip.

You’re single and they’re not and they see that as a reasonable excuse for excluding you?! Some friends. My friends and I have always gone out if our way to include each other and make time for each other when one of us has been single. Sometimes that includes partners, and the single person can choose if they want to attend (appreciate sometimes it feels weird to be the only unattached person) but we always make time for each other without partners. Enjoy your holiday and don’t waste a moment feeling bad about them, or the hen, or any of it!

I had a very similar expierence to this in 2019 - foreign wedding had to pay a fortune. Same idea with the four girls and them not bothering with me the year or so before.

wish I had not bothered going to the wedding
stopped speaking to them about 2020 anyway.

the friendships should have been over long before it got to athending her wedding and I wish I had rsvp - ed no like you and just ripped the band aid off!!

Speaking of someone who's been married for years. I can't stand these smug couples who will only meet with other couples. They will be up shit creek if they break up or are widowed.

YANBU but I don’t think there will be any friendship after this and if that’s okay with you then go for it and have a fab holiday 😊

I think honesty is the best policy. Just say I wish our friendship had been valued over the past x months. Unfortunately, I have been pushed out at every opportunity and felt my presence would not be missed the same way it has not been missed in recent months when you have all been busy together planning without me despite my offers to help. I feel it's best that I not be in attendance when the invite now feels made more out of obligation because we were a group of 4 that has reduced to 3. Please understand i am not saying this to upset you but more so you understand my reasoning. I wish you all the best for your upcoming wedding.

I'm the same. I often invite single, divorced or widowed friends to things with me and dh. I'm alright Jack mentality stinks.

Good for you. You know your worth. Enjoy your trip.

How does that make any difference when op"s issue is not about any messages from them but about not being invited for meetups when other 3 have been meeting regularly and she is now told because they are doing couple things but OP is single?

You have behaved well. These people sound ghastly. Have an amazing trip!

Truthfully you sound hurt and a little bit jealous. I often see this one someone gets married in a group the dynamics change. I would of been truthful and explained how now being included made me feel.

I’d say it’s relevant
the op says that not once was the change in hen mentioned over the course of months

which means no group chat
which considering this is supposedly a very close group of friends is… odd

and the barbed comment about the gym class…. It would seem it was a one off given the op and the bride have only got together 3x, and one was the exercise class

@Wholepeppercorn

which means no group chat

Or two group chats and the others are all happily posting away in the second one without the OP.