Kids giving other kids valentines gifts

[Eviemai]

So my DD is 5, she’s in her first year of school and today she has come out of school quite teary. Her class only has 14 kids, 6 girls and 8 boys. Shes very close to 2 of the girls in the class but they all play together.

One of the little girls came out of school today with a rose, a little teddy bear, balloon and some sweets or similar. I joked to her mum “oh someone was popular”. Another little girl followed with a rose and teddy bear. Got chatting to the parents and realised that 4 of the little boys had given valentines gifts and cards to 2 of the girls, 3 to one girl and one to another. The rest of the kids weren’t part of it at all. DD got a little upset saying no one got her a valentines, I took her to the shop and let her pick some sweets and got her some flowers for her room but she still seems sad.

TBH I’m confused as to why this is a thing? Since when did little boys take valentines presents in for little girls? AIBU to think it’s really weird and if it is going to happen it should be done outside of school so no one gets their feelings hurt.

Are you in the UK?

Yes, England, the kids are all 4-5.

I don’t think it’s sweet. I know of an 11 year old boy who planned to spend £35 on his ‘girlfriend’s’ choice of Pandora ring. Ludicrous.

This has always been a thing, as far as I am aware. We did "Valentine's post" at school (anonymous cards) and that was in the 90s.

Oh my goodness OP this is really depressing.
I just hope this is not a new trend.

I remember when my son was at primary school, many years ago, he knew a boy whose parents used to buy him and his sister gifts for Valentine's Day. I thought that was peculiar and I never heard of anyone else doing this.

But to groom.little children into giving Valentine's Day gift is just so sad.

Do you not get her anything normally? I mean like if this hadn’t have happened would you have not got her anything? DD (the same age) got a little bouquet of roses from her daddy and she came out of school with 4 cards and 4 gifts! I knew about one as his mom asked me it it was okay to get her something, but it looked like she was in the minority, only her and one other girl had something in a pretty even 14 boys 13 girls class!

It’s pretty cute imo but not a new thing I remember getting little bits from boys at primary school, singing teddy etc.

I don’t think this is Valentine’s Day specific - the school needs to have rules around bringing in gifts to school (in the same way many won’t allow party invitations to be given out in school) unless it’s e.g. sweets for the whole class. Otherwise the same is going to happen with Christmas presents, Easter eggs, when somebody goes on holiday and brings back souvenirs etc. I’d raise it as a general issue rather than making it specifically about this day.

We also had a Valentine’s postbox (and a Christmas postbox) when I was at primary school in the early nineties, and I remember then the unpopular children being sad on both occasions to not receive any or many cards, I assumed schools would have recognised this by now.

That's mad!

I remember Valentine's cards being sent in secondary but a school actively encouraging it in primary school is crazy.

In the OP's case, I think it's tricky because it's not the school doing it, it's parents and although it's happening on school grounds, stopping people from bringing things in and giving presents is hard to actually enforce.

It wasn’t a trend when my kids were at school (phew) I know it happens in places like the US which is fine if people know beforehand.
If people were going to do this then I wish there would have been a heads up so my child could reciprocate to those were gave her a card or gift.

I would head out to the shop and get her a little something.
I don't think it's a new 'thing' . I was at primary school in the 80's and we had a little post box for Valentines cards. One year, I got a pink panther teddy from a boy in my class 💓

To be honest, I never questioned it. I never got a card and never participated. Didn't care and, frankly, still don't 😂

I am a teacher in secondary and have been for 14 years. I have never known so many gifts exchanged on valentine's day before! Massive gift bags, bouquets of flowers, huge handmade cards. Some kids were struggling to carry it all through the corridors! Honestly never seen anything like it.

Yes I agree with this to an extent..I remember in my daughter's class one parent sent in creme eggs or something similar one Easter, but it was only for a handful of the class. She was a teacher as well so not sure why did this!

I think in a small class it is quite upsetting, especially if the gift if big like a teddy. I think it was in reception one boy did give my daughter a packet of love hearts once but i have never said to my children about getting anyone a gift and we don't do gifts at home either. My children are constantly getting things without another day for it 😂

I'm in the US and it has been "a thing" here for as long as I've been alive. And there was a Charlie Brown special about it that originally aired in 1975. So, 50 years

The caveat here is that kids and parents are told that if you're going to participate in handing out Valentine's card to your class, you have to bring one for everyone in the class.

In my kid’s school we were explicitly told that we are allowed to send cards etc for the class kids but only if we send for ALL. Not to pick one or two.

I'm surprised it's allowed in secondary, there will be many kids left out. I'd imagine it's becoming more popular due to social media like tiktok.

YANBU @Eviemai - getting the gender stereotypes started early.

Although I also cannot abide all the mums giving their kids valentine’s boxes and plastering over SM - when did that become a thing? There’s one on Instagram who’s done it for her DC who are both in high school! She’d posted pics of them from the last x amount of years getting their valentine’s breakfast and gifts - I mean, do you want your teen DC to get the pish ripped right out of them! So cringe.

Happened when I was a kid 40 years ago! My 5 year old brother used to buy or make cards for his favourite little girl in his class. We used to think it was super cute! Roll on 4 years and all girls were disgusting and love was yukky!

Your poor DD, they shouldn't have to worry about things like this at that age and I find it quite frustrating. DS came home with some sweets all wrapped in a little bag from a girl at school, and to be fair she gave them out to the whole class but it's just Valentine's Day and I find it a bit odd that all that effort was made. DH and I didn't even realise it was Valentine's today until we saw stuff on social media.

I remember in secondary school you could buy a rose for the person you admired and they'd be delivered to classrooms throughout the day. I never bloody got one.

I have never encouraged this.

I eye-roll at parents who put any effort into a fake kid romance.

They are too young for romantic gestures 1 to 1.

I have no issue when everyone in the class gets a treat.

DS's teacher left a heart shaped chocolate on each desk. I thought that it was really sweet.

I was surprised the immediate assumption was boys buys for girls rather than for any good friend. A couple of boys in my sons class brought flowers for girls but nothing for boys or girls buying for boys/girls. I don’t have an issue of it but was just surprised in the modern world!

We had a Valentine's 'postbox' at my school when I was that age, and that was in the early 1980s. And we made the cards at school - I remember being shown how to cut out a heart from a piece of paper folded down the middle. I also remember getting given a box of After Eights by a boy once when I was about 10, but my recollection of that was just that I was completely mortified for some reason.

It's a bit weird.
I don't have kids and feel I would struggle to follow such stuff.
On the other hand, I would definitely have been "the odd one out" in my time!
❤️

Poor DD. I have no idea why some parents push these things.

My DD got a card through the letter box once, from a boy at school, she was about 8 at the time. I didn't like it at all! And neither did she.

I still remember valentine's day being a popularity competition when I was in secondary school- with all the popular girls walking around with flowers and teddies.

It definitely seems bigger this year, probably just due to social media, but lots of friends have been posting big gift bags/ baskets full of gifts they've bought for their kids.

I used to come home with several cards and teddies. In the eighties too.