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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kids giving other kids valentines gifts

161 replies

Eviemai · 14/02/2025 16:42

So my DD is 5, she’s in her first year of school and today she has come out of school quite teary. Her class only has 14 kids, 6 girls and 8 boys. Shes very close to 2 of the girls in the class but they all play together.

One of the little girls came out of school today with a rose, a little teddy bear, balloon and some sweets or similar. I joked to her mum “oh someone was popular”. Another little girl followed with a rose and teddy bear. Got chatting to the parents and realised that 4 of the little boys had given valentines gifts and cards to 2 of the girls, 3 to one girl and one to another. The rest of the kids weren’t part of it at all. DD got a little upset saying no one got her a valentines, I took her to the shop and let her pick some sweets and got her some flowers for her room but she still seems sad.

TBH I’m confused as to why this is a thing? Since when did little boys take valentines presents in for little girls? AIBU to think it’s really weird and if it is going to happen it should be done outside of school so no one gets their feelings hurt.

OP posts:
lessglittermoremud · 14/02/2025 19:14

This is the first year one of my children has taken part in Valentine’s Day, he’s now in secondary and has his first ‘girlfriend’. He brought her some chocolates and a card, I would have put my foot down over anything expensive but he really enjoyed picking something out for her and as he struggled socially in primary school, it does make my heart sing a little that he could take part.
My others are still in primary and didn’t receive anything, neither of them even mentioned it so not on their radar at all.
I remember getting a card in my last year of primary (90s) but don’t remember anything before that and I certainly didn’t get any gifts. I’m surprised reception aged children are taking stuff in and at 4 years old they wouldn’t know the meaning but would certainly feel left out.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 14/02/2025 19:26

AnotherDayComeMonday · 14/02/2025 17:05

I'm surprised it's allowed in secondary, there will be many kids left out. I'd imagine it's becoming more popular due to social media like tiktok.

Show quote history

DS is in a year group of just over 250 kids. Imagine trying to stop anyone from bringing a card / gift in!

31stJune1973 · 14/02/2025 19:31

steff13 · 14/02/2025 17:03

I'm in the US and it has been "a thing" here for as long as I've been alive. And there was a Charlie Brown special about it that originally aired in 1975. So, 50 years

The caveat here is that kids and parents are told that if you're going to participate in handing out Valentine's card to your class, you have to bring one for everyone in the class.

I'm in the UK but I remember a Simpson's episode about it, where Lisa gave the unpopular boy a card with a train on it saying "I choo choo choose you" so I assumed whole class valentines activities must be a thing in the USA.

JillMW · 14/02/2025 19:31

Yes Doggymummar, we did it in the 2960’s

Emmz1510 · 14/02/2025 19:31

Same for my ten year old today! She wasn’t particularly upset but was talking about her friends who got gifts from boys- cupcakes, chocolates, flowers, teddies. It’s a popularity contest and shouldn’t really be allowed in schools. I also think it’s mainly orchestrated by the parents and is really silly as well as being vaguely creepy.

Zanatdy · 14/02/2025 19:32

That’s madness that a parent would knowingly send in a gift for one or two DC. No doubt same parent complaining when their DC misses out on a party invite. If parents must do something (and no idea why, as valentines day shouldn’t be a thing in schools) then they should send something in for everyone. That’s really sad to think of those kids upset they didn’t get anything. Parents need to keep this out of school.

steff13 · 14/02/2025 19:34

31stJune1973 · 14/02/2025 19:31

I'm in the UK but I remember a Simpson's episode about it, where Lisa gave the unpopular boy a card with a train on it saying "I choo choo choose you" so I assumed whole class valentines activities must be a thing in the USA.

Show quote history

Aww, poor Ralph.

I think it's a thing in Canada, too, but I'm not sure.

ALJT · 14/02/2025 19:39

Would you be asking this if your little girl was one to come out with gifts? Just wondering…

jasminocereusbritannicus · 14/02/2025 19:45

The whole ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ thing at 7/8 years old ( year3) drives me mad!
Yesterday I had to pick up the pieces of a young girl from my class, crying, because her ‘boyfriend’ ( in the same class) had ‘dumped’ her.
I am forever saying “you’re only 8 years old you’ve got plenty of time for boyfriends/girlfriends when you are older”, because it’s all the time amongst them. Why does it get encouraged? Because it’s ‘cute’???
You hear year 5 and 6 talking about who they’re ‘dating’…really?
Don’t they get any time to just be children with friends any more… does it have to be a ‘relationship’?

ThatCyanJoker · 14/02/2025 19:46

More breeding of commercial hysteria! Should not be a thing for such young children.

Original poster
Eviemai · 14/02/2025 19:48

Does anyone else think it’s odd that
A. The child who got the most is the daughter of the head teacher of the associated school
B. The only children to get anything were the only two blonde girls

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 14/02/2025 19:50

caramac04 · 14/02/2025 16:44

I don’t think it’s sweet. I know of an 11 year old boy who planned to spend £35 on his ‘girlfriend’s’ choice of Pandora ring. Ludicrous.

🤮urgh, that is nauseating.

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 14/02/2025 19:52

@Nothitrockbottomyet

Were they American? I live in the US now and it's definitely a thing here. I got my kids stuff, they made me a card, and they handed out things to every child in the class.

Biffbaff · 14/02/2025 19:55

It's creepy especially as the parents would have sent their boys in with this crap to give to the girls.

I'm not surprised it's the two blondes/teacher's kid but also focusing on the girls seems wrong, they are the objects of the weird creepy behaviour from the boys' parents, who are the ones who should attract the criticism here.

Alifemoreordinary123 · 14/02/2025 19:56

Not a thing in my house but my 4 year old got a card from a girl in his class, and my daughter got a bunch of daffs when she was 5.

mathanxiety · 14/02/2025 19:57

31stJune1973 · 14/02/2025 19:31

I'm in the UK but I remember a Simpson's episode about it, where Lisa gave the unpopular boy a card with a train on it saying "I choo choo choose you" so I assumed whole class valentines activities must be a thing in the USA.

Show quote history

Yes, at least everywhere around here (US).

You give cards to everyone or no-one, is the rule.

mathanxiety · 14/02/2025 19:59

Eviemai · 14/02/2025 19:48

Does anyone else think it’s odd that
A. The child who got the most is the daughter of the head teacher of the associated school
B. The only children to get anything were the only two blonde girls

I agree with your objections here, and your suspicions too.

They should either make the kids do a whole class Valentine card exchange (and make them stick to cards) or tell parents none of it is allowed.

PonkyPonky · 14/02/2025 20:00

I was at primary in the 90’s and it was certainly a thing then. We made cards and gave small gifts to the boy/girl that we ‘fancied’. I think it’s harmless and sweet. I have fond memories of my year 2 ‘boyfriend’ giving me a box of heart shaped chocolates. Do we really have to take everyone’s joy away every time someone feels left out. Just teach your kid that next year they might have someone special to give and receive valentines with. It’s really not that deep

user3827 · 14/02/2025 20:02

mumofamudmagnet · 14/02/2025 19:02

Unpopular opinion warning!

As parents, we are raising kids to become adults. This constant need to protect our children's feelings, everyone's a winner, everyone should be included. No they don't! Not allowing them to experience any negative emotions and then teaching them how to manage this is creating a soft society of young adults, crippled by mental health issues because they were protected from all these negative feelings as children by parents who wrapped them in bubble wrap. If we don't teach them how to handle this feeling of rejection appropriately they will turn into adults who can't handle rejection.

Life as an adult is tough, and they will face many negative experiences and feelings of being left out. How on earth will they manage this if you've protected them from it their whole lives.

For the love of God, Please, teach your kids to not give a sh*t and to not rely on others for their happiness....and also how to handle rejection.

We're raising the future generation here people! And I'd rather my kids develop the emotional resilience to deal with this rather than fall to pieces every time they experienced something they didn't like.

Agree totally. You don't need to police their interactions but why would you get them to do it in the first place?! If your kid didn't get anything, then they need to grow a "so what " mentality

JMSA · 14/02/2025 20:06

It's really no big deal.

Also I feel it’s no coincidence that the two little blonde girls got gifts and no one else!

And really?? Confused

Anonymouseky · 14/02/2025 20:06

I’m genuinely surprised at the reaction to this. I’m clearly in the minority here. This was a thing in my primary school (in the 80s). I never once got a card and I can honestly say it never bothered me. Neither did it bother me if no one offered to dance with me at the ‘slow’ dance at the school discos. I do think kids were more resilient then though. I have to agree with the previous poster who said we shouldn’t shield (or expect to shield) our children from every negative emotion. It’s no wonder so many people end up with mental health issues when everything is set up to shield them from anything slightly painful.

One of my sons (in primary school) took a card in for a girl in his class today. He didn’t come out with one in return. I had prepared him for this possibility beforehand and asked him if he still wanted to take one in. He did. He was simply happy to have made someone smile today.

I can understand a girl getting upset if every other girl had came out with gifts/ cards, but it was only two girls in this case. Surely it’s the same if someone wins a competition or gets a certificate. Not everyone can get one every time.

JMSA · 14/02/2025 20:07

Anonymouseky · 14/02/2025 20:06

I’m genuinely surprised at the reaction to this. I’m clearly in the minority here. This was a thing in my primary school (in the 80s). I never once got a card and I can honestly say it never bothered me. Neither did it bother me if no one offered to dance with me at the ‘slow’ dance at the school discos. I do think kids were more resilient then though. I have to agree with the previous poster who said we shouldn’t shield (or expect to shield) our children from every negative emotion. It’s no wonder so many people end up with mental health issues when everything is set up to shield them from anything slightly painful.

One of my sons (in primary school) took a card in for a girl in his class today. He didn’t come out with one in return. I had prepared him for this possibility beforehand and asked him if he still wanted to take one in. He did. He was simply happy to have made someone smile today.

I can understand a girl getting upset if every other girl had came out with gifts/ cards, but it was only two girls in this case. Surely it’s the same if someone wins a competition or gets a certificate. Not everyone can get one every time.

Thank God, some common sense!

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 14/02/2025 20:09

Catza · 14/02/2025 16:46

This has always been a thing, as far as I am aware. We did "Valentine's post" at school (anonymous cards) and that was in the 90s.

Yeah I think I definitely remember kids doing valentine's stuff at primary, also 90s.

My son is also in reception, I know some took stuff in but it's kind of random - my son drew pictures for his 2 little friends (a boy and a girl) and I saw a couple of girls giving eachother stuff this morning. I wasn't at pick up though so not sure about kids coming out with stuff, but nothing has been mentioned particularly on the parent chat for the year group.

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 14/02/2025 20:12

@Anonymouseky I agree your take!

RaraRachael · 14/02/2025 20:13

It's rife at our school in the first 3 years. Kids coming to school laden down with gift bags, teddies etc