Kids giving other kids valentines gifts

[Eviemai]

So my DD is 5, she’s in her first year of school and today she has come out of school quite teary. Her class only has 14 kids, 6 girls and 8 boys. Shes very close to 2 of the girls in the class but they all play together.

One of the little girls came out of school today with a rose, a little teddy bear, balloon and some sweets or similar. I joked to her mum “oh someone was popular”. Another little girl followed with a rose and teddy bear. Got chatting to the parents and realised that 4 of the little boys had given valentines gifts and cards to 2 of the girls, 3 to one girl and one to another. The rest of the kids weren’t part of it at all. DD got a little upset saying no one got her a valentines, I took her to the shop and let her pick some sweets and got her some flowers for her room but she still seems sad.

TBH I’m confused as to why this is a thing? Since when did little boys take valentines presents in for little girls? AIBU to think it’s really weird and if it is going to happen it should be done outside of school so no one gets their feelings hurt.

I think parents encouraging primary (or actually any aged) children to see romantic relationships as the norm is a bit troubling. The notion that a girl (lets face it, this is how the majority of Valentine's merch is marketed) is only valuable if she is desired by a boy is really old fashioned and quite damaging to society imho. I quite like the re invention of the feast for teenagers, who can actually buy/make the stuff themselves, as Galentine's or Palentine's because the reality for a lot of young people is that they're not ready for romantic relationships yet and they shouldn't be pushed into thinking that's what their worth is linked to. Also, dads sending romantic messages to their daughters is just weird. Yuck.

I’m living up to my username as my primary school had a postbox for valentines too. I can remember embroidering giant heart cushions too and can remember being sad as I couldn’t do it as well as one of my friends. Can’t remember if I got any or sent any valentines cards though.

I’d find it a little bit strange if I saw it today but I wouldn’t tell the teacher. Some kids get lots of Christmas cards or party invites and others don’t and it’s not good for children to turn that into a big thing I don’t think.

TBH I find this all creepy AF. One on my FB friend posted a picture of her 8yo and a load of gifts spread out on the carpet and said “Look at Lucy’s valentine’s collection from her boyfriend, the perfume smells amazing!”

I just wanna scream “Stop making your kids grow up! It’s creepy!”. I also think kids shouldn’t be encourage to have intense relationships so early on. Even if it’s just innocent. It’s intense enough when you hit teenage years and get your first love, let alone mummy applauding it at the age of 8. To kowtow the idea of children being in romantic relationships is deeply problematic and goes back to the age old question of: why can’t we let kids just be kids?

Very very weird.

The most that happened when I was at school night have been some awkward sending of valentine's cards.

Valentine's gifts from parents? Even stranger tbh!

*and nothing at age 5 or 6 FFS!

Whats Valentines Day got to do with 5 year olds? Plus not being the one on the receiving end is one of the harsh lessons of life. Kids aren’t kids for long nowadays are they. It’s all too much too soon

Dd and her friends are 5/6.

Most of them believe that valentines day is a day to appreciate those that we love by sending them gifts and cards. Nothing 'romantic', as that's not really on their radar at that age.

Dd and her friends made eachother cards this year, this includes girls and boys, and dd also made some for her relatives and siblings.

It's a bit of harmless fun at that age and a way to show appreciation to those that we love. Children that age don't think of these things in a sexualised way, the way an adult would.

But Valentine’s Day IS a romantic day and it’s just odd that children would be involved in celebrating it

This was always a thing as far as I knew. I was at primary school in the 80s and we gave each other cards etc and flowers we had picked. In secondary there was special valentines post and we could buy each other little gifts

It's only romantic for them if YOU make it that way. We can teach our children about these occasions in an age appropriate way, while having a little fun.

It's a harmless bit of fun at that age, just like giving chocolate eggs at Easter and putting up a tree at 'Christmas'.

None of these holidays Are celebrated in ways they were historically. They don't have to be that deep.

I don’t think Valentine’s Day is often particularly much about romance or sex for a lot of people tbh: if you read all the threads from women upset or disappointed about their partner’s lack of / crap gift or being made a fuss of it’s all around feeling (or not feeling) appreciated, special, visible, cared about, worthy of effort etc. There’s nothing romantic or sexy about a lot of traditional Valentine’s presents, it’s what they represent. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to teach children from a young age that this is what gifting and celebrations tend to represent for most people, and that’s why we do it; rather than because they “need” a bunch of flowers or chocolates or a card.

So what if they gave gifts to their little friends?
I used to love getting valentines chocolates from my dad when I was a kid. He did it from about age 5 to 12. It made me feel really special and loved.
Of course you don't just frame it as romantic love only for primary kids. They're too young to know the concept of that kind of love. They understand love for people in their lives who've been nice to them and cared for them. I don't see what's wrong with interpreting it that way for children.

It had to come out soon. People were beginning to wonder why Dr Who and I are never seen in the same room😂

Flat-out not allowed at my school (where I work). Head has effectively banned all mention of "boyfriends/girlfriends" too. If it goes on outside of school, that's up to the parents but not in school. The amount of hassle and upset that's caused by age-inappropriate nonsense (being dumped etc) is insane.

I see no reason why kids shouldn't be able to bring gifts in for their friends. Some kids will always get more attention than others and it's not up to us to protect our kids from seeing others being more fortunate. Throughout our whole lives, some people get better breaks than other, twas ever thus and ever shall be!

Same here. I'm also in the US we take class valentines, but we get a stern email saying you have to bring them for everyone in the class or not at all.

Individual valentines would be seen as wildly inappropriate in primary.

School
Is not the appropriate place for any gifts, let alone Valentine ones, to be brought in. Leaving aside the made-up Hallmark card nature of the date, it just creates distraction, division and upset.
God, we have enough problems with football stickers.

My 6year old got a card on Thursday and on Friday got a card and presents from someone else. Last year she got a card, some sweets and a pound 😂 had no idea it was a thing for kids so young but seems to be.

I am 34 years old, every Valentines my Mum would buy me and my siblings a card and a little present, from the Valentines fairy. To remind us, what ever happens, there is always someone that loves us!

I had been married for about 3 years, when she finally stopped doing it for me.

I continued this tradition with my 2 children- to remind them, there is always someone that loves them, no matter what!

During covid, we started having a valentines meal, as a family- an extra day, to remind each other, what ever happens, we are there for each other and will always love each other.

Since from reception class, my son has always given a card and little present to his ‘girlfriend’- he asked, as he wanted to show her he liked her, they both turned up on the school playground with presents for each other!

My daughter gave her first valentines this year too- she is year 1- and again he had something for her too! They were the only two in their class- we have known them for years- as his sister and my son are in the same class.

Valentines for our family is to show each other; they will always have someone who will be there for them! Every family is different!

My personal opinion, it was a perfect time for you to start a little family tradition….if you think it is so wrong to give gifts, why did you then go buy herself something?

At school, there are going to be lots of things that are not fair- star of the week; sports day, head teacher awards, cross country etc etc, the list goes on. Teaching our kids how to deal with these moments is the only thing we can do as parents! It’s not fair to put a damper on other people’s happiness!

It’s always been a thing in schools even when I was a kid in the 90’s and my son had a gf in primary and used to ask me to take him to asda to buy her a card and small gift on valentines and she’d do the same with her mum. My daughter is p1 and they made cards on Thursday to give to their mum, dad or other relative they wanted and she made hers for her big brother. She never got one card and didn’t care as she asked me to make her a fancy dinner which was steak pie lol.
she will get over it she’s still little just tell her once she’s a big girl she will get one or encourage your husband to buy her a card and a small bunch of flowers on Valentine’s Day every year she will love it

America has stuck again. Apparently, everyone ‘does’ Valentine’s Day (or should I say Valentines) there and now it’s happening here!

Aw I think it’s cute and it’s always been a thing as far as I remember. I asked my seven year old on Wednesday night if he wanted to make any cards and he decided to make two - one for a girl in his class who he has become friends with recently and another for his student teacher. Completely innocent and wishing them a happy Valentine’s Day.

We haven't done anything. We are entitled to celebrate Valentine's Day however we like. If y'all choose to follow suit that's on you.

Absolutely.

I know. I agree. We seem to import so much OTT stuff from the US.