Kids giving other kids valentines gifts

[Eviemai]

So my DD is 5, she’s in her first year of school and today she has come out of school quite teary. Her class only has 14 kids, 6 girls and 8 boys. Shes very close to 2 of the girls in the class but they all play together.

One of the little girls came out of school today with a rose, a little teddy bear, balloon and some sweets or similar. I joked to her mum “oh someone was popular”. Another little girl followed with a rose and teddy bear. Got chatting to the parents and realised that 4 of the little boys had given valentines gifts and cards to 2 of the girls, 3 to one girl and one to another. The rest of the kids weren’t part of it at all. DD got a little upset saying no one got her a valentines, I took her to the shop and let her pick some sweets and got her some flowers for her room but she still seems sad.

TBH I’m confused as to why this is a thing? Since when did little boys take valentines presents in for little girls? AIBU to think it’s really weird and if it is going to happen it should be done outside of school so no one gets their feelings hurt.

There really needs to be an option to "react" to posts with an eye roll.

I don’t get the ‘all or none’ mentality, it’s Valentine’s Day, it’s about showing ‘love’ for your favourite person! No wonder there’s so many kids/young adults with no resilience and an entitled attitude if this is people’s approach! Terry fancies Polly but can’t send her a card unless he sends all the class one too incase someone’s feelings are hurt…mental!

Although I do have a blonde child who received a couple cards and gifts today so maybe I’m part of the problem 😂😂

oh look a time traveller just outed themselves 😂

Some of my friends have given their toddlers “roses from daddy” and it makes my skin crawl.

Are you saying having blonde hair makes your child superior? Are you alright?

I didn't realise it was an American thing.

They weren't American but they were very " cosmopolitan " and had moved around a lot - they didn't stay long in my area. So it's quite possible they had lived in the US.

A vague relative's husband has always got flowers delivered to their daughter- now 7 - proper florists bouquet type.

Nonsense

It’s just life. Some girls get the valentines some don’t.

[flowers}

Lol try reading the thread hun 😂😂😂

I remember getting valentine's gifts at primary in the 1980s so I don't think it's a new thing. My daughter also got given presents for valentine's day in primary, mainly cuddly toys but once some jewellery a boy had taken out of his mum's room which we gave straight back 😂 it's not caused her any issues, her and her boyfriend (she's now 17) haven't bothered buying anything for eachother this year because they want to spend it on other gifts.

My son didn't get anything this year and his friends did. He says he's not bothered by it (he's in year 4)

This. No big deal.

Ds3 and ds4 have done valentines before, but only to individuals, not the whole class. To me a Valentine card/gift is for one special person, not lots of people. That's how it was when I was at school anyway. I got a card and chocolates from my year 11 boyfriend and he took me out to see titanic at the cinema.

Mmhmm, explain how that’s not what you’re saying ‘hun’?

I do think the being blond thing has something to do with it. I remember the blond girl in my class in the 80s was always popular and in my daughter's year (lower primary), being blond seems to give status. So two anecdotes means it's definitely true!

A quick google shows that blond privilege may be a thing 🤷‍♀️

I don't agree with encouraging valentines for children.

I remember not being invited to a party for the first time aged five and it hurt my wee feelings. But it didn’t hurt nearly so much the next time cos I’d got the gist; sometimes you go, sometimes you don’t.

I was never the object of anyone’s Valentine’s affection either, but if I hadn’t had to deal with that very minor rejection, at a young age, with low stakes, was I not doomed to learning later, and more cruelly, at a much harder stage? My (blonde, funnily enough) daughter has never received a card in her life. She was never arsed about any of it as a little one. She doesn’t appear to lack willingness to feel good about herself, a lot of that is innate to be fair. She came home today amazed at some of the mad ££ spent on the gifts a few girls got but it didn’t seem to occur to her to care she didn’t personally get a zirconium ring or a three foot teddy.

If everyone is compelled to write a card to everyone else, most will have no meaning at all. Even small children know some classmates don’t like them much, some kids seem to seek every chance to make that known! So why would people who don’t like them give them a Valentine’s card? What’s the point? Ensuring no-one ever feels left out is not teaching small people to rationalise and cope with the inevitable ‘why not me?’ moments that they will never stop facing.

RE: the eight year old who got ‘dumped.’ DS also got the elbow at about nine and was wounded. He took after soppy me more 😂 It was a good learning opportunity. DH said it sounded like things had run their course, and there would be plenty of time for girls. I said that girls are people not prizes and are entitled to say they don’t want to go out with you. We pointed out as a sheer numbers game most romances end and suggested he be pleasant and treat her just the same as he always had. We also said ‘so will we just bin your mortgage application?’ - and he laughed, and that was that. He finds the memory of his reaction funny. He calls it his incel era 😂Hopefully he’ll remember it too, when he gets dumped for real. Mostly it doesn’t work out. Keep it friendly. It’s frequently not about you. Don’t get all bent out of shape.

Given the proliferation of deranged exes who are posted about on these boards maybe a few more mums and dads of yore needed a few more quiet words at a formative age about the inevitability of rejection and how to handle it with grace.

Yeah, the thread had a few comments debating whether being a blonde girl equals more valentines gifts

My 11 year old just told me he made a card and have it to his form tutor, who he adores, but not in a romantic way.

Which is wrong for many reasons and needs calling out. My daughters have brown hair and got cards, the parents saying, believing or perpetuating that it’s about being blonde are deluded.

My daughter is blonde haired and blue eyed so maybe her school valentines will be much different from mine - being a ginger kid wasn’t great

In my understanding you gave a
Valentines card or gift to somebody you fancied so all this "whole class stuff" is ridiculous.
I never got a Valentine growing up. My best friend got loads It didn't scar me for life.

My daughter is in a very boy heavy y2 class and was the only one of 7 girls not to get anything. She was upset, I shrugged it off with her and she got over it quickly, hopefully she will forget about it. I'm all for building resilience and have a 'thats life' approach to everything but I'll admit it caught me off guard a bit, she's not going to be one of the stereotypically 'pretty, popular girls' but I thought it wouldn't be much of a thing til later. On the other hand, she's one of the best readers in the class, so it's a good lesson in not always winning I suppose!

I find this all really weird. In my day it was a thing for teenagers and it was supposed to be anonymous cards with rhymes.

Honestly I think it's some sort of trend this year, my child is year 5, all his girl mates were talking about who was giving gifts to who and the person he is going out with this week kept telling him what she would like, I spent a tenner on something from Amazon, then he wanted chocolate and a card and then more and became upset saying other children were buying more, I was like no this is ridiculous. Anyway he took them in, not sure what happened as still at work but the drama it's caused this week I hope it's not the same next year. Never had this with the oldest and he had the same ' girlfriend' all through primary.

I think it’s becoming more common and don’t have a huge problem with it. However, if there are only 14 children in a class (I’m jealous as a teacher and a Mum) you would have to be a bit of a moronic parent to not handle this a bit more sensitively surely? Hand them over on the school run or in the playground etc when the kids are milling around and too distracted to see exactly who has what. If I was in that class I would have been really upset to see it and would have found myself down at the local shop buying something for those left out. Year 1 is a bit young really, feels a bit creepy. Wish you could post your address and we could all send her some treats but not feasible I know.

I would speak to school, if the class sizes are this low then I agree that invites, gifts etc shouldn’t be handed over in class unless everyone is included, it’s too obvious for the little ones. A quick text or a paragraph on the newsletter should be sent out IMO.