Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

I think charging a child who has an income something towards their keep is very reasonable. It teaches them responsibility and that your living expenses are what get paid first - freeloading is not a nice look on anyone. I was charged a nominal amount from the point that I had my first part-time wage at 15, and it did me absolutely no harm whatsoever. I see far too many "children" stuck at home in their 20's and 30's, not because they can't move out, more like "why would they want to". They keep all their money for themselves, get board and lodging for free, and often all their housework and washing too. You can be 30 and still a child...

Depends on the finances of the household. In some instances it is not possible for a household to survive without the income from the adult child and many benefits stop at 16 or 18. So not unreasonable. Even for higher income households I am not sure it is not a good thing to do. My parents charged us board and then saved it towards helping us with a deposit. This makes it clear that nothing is for free and that the bank of mum and dad has limits.

My mother didn't charge me rent. I was expected to contribute to shared costs as I could. She wasn't well off and was on benefits, but owned a house so at least no rent/mortgage.

Because she didn't charge me rent, I was able to save up for my own house deposit whilst working.

I met my partner whose parents had done the same, and when things got serious and had half a deposit each, and was able to buy a house.

I know many of my friends who were charged rent by parents or left to rent their own places, who now fear they will never be able to buy.

For all my mothers faults, she did me an absolute solid here.

I don't blame parents who literally cannot afford the cost of another person living in the house without them paying - they lose benefits, for example, and council tax may increase. Times are hard.

But those parents who don't need to charge, I do wonder why they have to do their kids so dirty just "because lesson". What lesson? That you're a dick? There are better ways to teach young adults life lessons that arnt totally screwing them over for profit.

Meanwhile, outside your little bubble of no money issues, there are families who no longer receive benefit top ups to their family income, and need their adult children to pay keep in order to feed them and cover their household expenses.

£20 a week that was.
The others I didn't as they went off to Uni

I don't allow partners to stay over or live in my home so hoping DC will naturally move out when they want girlfriends or boyfriends! 😂DS is expecting to get a well paying job and is already enquring about house shares. DD needs to earn more to afford it.

All adults should pay their way. And if a family is short of money than 16/17 year old may need to work to help offset their own expenses (phone, clothes etc) and even rent if money is short.

I didn't either it is amazing how quickly they move out 😂

I always said to DH we owe it to our DC to ensure that they have a decent education and financially support their career choices (college, uni or apprenticeship) once they have the tools to earn money they are financially responsible for themselves. That includes paying for their share while living with us. I believe it is teaching them a valuable lesson for life = nothing is free!

Well good for you. As other posters have said, some people need adult children to contribute to the home.

All adults (who are not in education) in a house should contribute to the running of the house. That includes food, gas, electricity, council tax, water, TV and various entertainment subscriptions, broadband, cleaning, gardening, laundry and their share of the rent if the parents rent. Why should they be subsidised by Mum and Dad? Otherwise you can end up in a situation where the young person gets used to having a massive disposable income due to their parents subsidising them and then struggles with the cost of basics when they move out.

I charge both mine rent - £150 a month each. They both work full time in good jobs & clear between £1800 - £2000 a month. Once Ive paid all the bills for the (very nice) house they live in, food (that they eat), savings for holidays, xmas etc, then I have just £200 a month left for me to spend on whatever I want (clothes, hair nails etc).

Why on earth should my 2DC have over £1800 a month to spend on themselves whilst I would have nothing? Absolute madness.

I think its setting your kids up to fail if you dont charge them anything whilst they live at home as they will be in for such a shock when they move out as they are not used to paying for anything.

Kids have to learn to pay their way and they can only buy what they can afford and paying rent helps with this.

My DC will never have as much disposable income as they do right now and both put in the maximum in their LISA each year as they save towards that so when they move out they can buy a property. They both still manage to live an extravagant lifestyle whilst contributing to the home they enjoy living in!

"I guess this does not apply to everyone but I’ll definitely won’t contribute to setting my kids back." I think this is a very mean and upsetting comment. A lot of people have explained that they have 'needed' to ask their children to pay rent, especially once they reach 18 and in full time employment. You are now implying that they are setting their children back and therefore do not care about them!

You are 100% right

That’s a conversation for a different day (usually yes I would say it’s weird for people who can’t afford kids and are ‘poor’ as you say to bring their kids up in said poverty.) In this instance, no I did not say it’s weird to be poor but the child in my post is 17, I was younger than that when I started paying rent. That in my opinion is weird. Greed disguised as teaching responsibility.

Parents bring kids into this hard world for what reason? I’m sure they’d say to give them everything but never deliver on that promise. Or do parents aspire for their kids to struggle to ever get on the property ladder, never have the start up money for a business, and be as poor as they was?

Even when I came home to work in university vacations my parents expected me to make a contribution. I think they were right.

When my son left school and started work we were in a bad way financially. We took a drop in income as we no longer received Child Tax Credits and Family Allowance so what he paid us covered that. He was extremely generous however and regularly treated us and his siblings and his grandparents with gifts, meals and surprises.

Same here. My DD blows every penny of her full-time wages. I take a small amount that doesn’t even cover her food or her phone bill (which I pay). If I took nothing at all, I’d be paying for her to go and eat out/get pissed five times a week.

I’m seeing a lot of “implying” and assumptions; loads of post saying things that I have never said. No one said parents don’t care for their kids. I simply disagree with the act of charging teens/ young adults rent when the world is already stacked against them. In this day and age people complain about the cost of living yet they fail to realise the younger generation have to cope with this somehow. It was way easier 20/30 years ago I’d make it as easy as possible for this new generation because they are already at a disadvantage. If you think I am mean I’m sorry. I’d suggest not to read this thread. Don’t stand to close to fire if you don’t want to be burnt.

Ultimately the job of parenting is to make sure your kids can live independently so charging rent and simulating real life is not a bad idea, provided the DD/DS has an income source.

I've seen posts on here where sometimes the parent saves the money and returns it to them later, which is probably quite a good idea as it simulates the independence side whilst also providing financial support to help them eventually move out. But sometimes its couched in terms of 'my DD would waste all their money otherwise' which is actually a failure of teaching them about money and financial planning.

I paid rent/board when I was working and my son pays £250 a month.

I'm feeding 4 adults (his girlfriend lives with us too but is a student nurse ) so our food bill alone is high.

His girlfriend does washing, cleans a bit, empties the dishwasher etc for her contribution.

I think young adults need to have some financial awareness and responsibility

My son is 22 and lives at home.

He earns about 29k and pays us board of 350 a month. He gets all meals, washing done etc.

He started earning on a degree apprenticeship at 18 and he has to contribute.

We don't have the money to support another adult.

And to be honest, £350 out of a 29k wage isn't much. If he lived alone, he would be paying £700 a month just for a room in a shared house where we are, plus bills and food. He's hardly suffering by contributing to the house.

He's got far more disposable income than me and dh (we also have two much younger children), he's got it pretty good.

I only wish he was saving the rest but he's so stupid. He could have had thousands put away by now, but he's wasted it all. And no, he wouldn't pay more for us to save for him.

Compared to kids around the world, people receiving benefits at all is luxurious. There are kids without food or clothes. You’re on a device I assume with a roof over your head. Let’s both sit here in our bubble because there’s always someone less fortunate than someone else.

I tend to agree with you, but there are different situations.

A fully fledged adult living at home whilst working, just because that's where they want to live, should probably chip in.

An adult child who is temporarily going through a tough time, not so much.

17 is absurd, that's a child.

my sisters council rent went up when her son went full time emplyed. She could afford the discounted rate, but not he full. Why should he live there rent free, eanring £21,000 - whilst she would have to borrow money to pay rent?