Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

Yes I find it odd if you don't have rent to pay yourself. We are mortgage free and have never charged our kids rent as it doesn't cost us any more in housing costs for them to live with us and we would still be living in the same house if they weren't at home. When my son's gf lived with us I charged them both a token amount towards council tax heating etc. If I was paying extortionate rent and had to live in a bigger house to accomodate adult kids then of course it would be fair to charge rent and the rent would be divided but that isn't the case for us.

Our DS is working FT and pays us £50 per week which is nothing compared to what he actually costs us to live here. We pay out a lot more for him than what he is paying us and we are saving his money to help toward a deposit when he is ready x

17 seems a little young! As long as my kids are in full time education or doing something like an apprenticeship I will house them (at home or away if needed for uni), and I’ll let them stay short term in-between things whenever they like. But I will not allow them to laze around and be waited on hand and foot frittering away any money they earn on rubbish. I want them to have motivation to make their own way in the world. If they want to live with me while they are earning money they will pay me a percentage of that. If I don’t need the money myself I will keep it for them in a savings account to use when they need a house deposit or some capital get them started when they move out.

If a child is an adult and is working I find it really weird that they wouldn't contribute to household expenses. It infantilises them to treat them as children forever. If you have three adults in a household why would only two adults contribute and not the third one?

Why not. I need the money and she has enough money for her house deposit if she wants to buy.

You're lucky you can afford to pay for working adults to live in your house and their food etc. Not all of us are that well off.

My sister would be at negative income every month. Like (mad eup numbers here, but still true) her rent and bills come to £1500, her income is £1400. What is she supposed to do? get further and further into debt whilst her adult son earns £1200 each month?? If he wasn't living there her bills would be around £700

As soon as I was working a full time job at 21 I was paying my parents £200 per month "house keeping"...and that was over 20 years ago!

In my country intergenerational living is a thing. If you want as an adult using the family home, if you earn more than your parents, it is your joy to pay even more because you love them. Family life is about love. I do not understand how can a nation be so cold and charge based on just cold logic. Every money given goes to a pot because a family is a team and its members are to look after each one, not that one gives more and the other is left with nothing

My parents charged me £200/month twenty years ago! It was actually the same cost for me to move into a nice house share in the city centre and it meant I wasn’t commuting to work. I’m with you @User788889 i wouldn’t disadvantage my kids. But I think charging them an appropriate amount dependent on circumstances.

I had 3 adult children living with me. I provided all food (including the pack lunches they used to make to save themselves money). I did all the washing and ironing along with working full time and walking the dog. All three earned more than i do.
Of course I charged them. They were all getting a very good deal! My food bill alone went up by about £140 per week without the added heating and hot water for all their showers! They all stayed just over a year and then moved on with their partners. They all managed to save...everyone was happy. I would have loved to have had them for nothing but it wasn't possible.

My kids both know once they are out of education they will need to contribute. This wasn't the plan when my husband and I had our children. Then he left and doesn't contribute to their support. I live pay check to pay check. If they want to leave home that's great I will then down size. Or rent out their rooms. If they are here and working they are going to have to cover some of the costs. I'm not able to support them at that point. I'm open to suggestions though @User788889

We had two houses on grandad's land ( well and 3 more houses in other places). The grandparents were retired but tending a large fruit and veg patch, so providing a lot of < free> food. Ah, yes, animal yard also. My mother and father has a flowers business and paid the expenses of the whole household. Also because my father used electricity and water for the flowers and so on - seedlings etc.

but then my grandparents would finance my coffee meet ups, my clothes, my teenage whims, they did finance even a school trip abroad for me twice. No one is asking but why, why me to give the money. We are blood, love each other, support each other.

Completely depends on context.

A while who is living at home to save money but working full time I think its entirely reasonable for them to pay rent: they are effectively getting free or massively subsidised housing and its fair for them to contribute.

If a child is in higher education, or is aiming for higher education, I would agree: it seems unhelpful to burden them financially at a time when they need further support.

I think immediately switching on the need to pay rent at 16 or 17 is a bit brutal and self-defeating though: it seems guaranteed to funnel a child away from higher education. I wouldn't want a teen child to be having to put contributing to the household budget ahead of furthering their career.

No it’s only right in those circumstances he contributes to the extra cost. It’s like if your property tax goes up because there’s another adult in the house.

In your case I tend to agree.

Thing is, not charging keep comes from a place of financial security.

My DD will leave school end of this year (18) and almost immediately I lose my child maintenance, UC and Child benefit for her. My CMS is £300 so in total i will likely lose £600 which I actually need for my DD.

As soon as she gets a job she will pay keep. All my children have been brought up aware of my financial constraints and they accept that I am not a bottomless pit of money. My ex husbands obligations just stop at 18, but mine don’t, she still needs a place to live and food to eat.

I am in no way greedy, I’m not setting her up to fail, I’m actually making her aware that for some it just can’t be a free ride. I’d love to save that money, and I have a full time job but I am going to lose a huge amount each month.

Now, since the grandparents are long gone now, my brother does this with them back home. He bought a massive house in the capital where he is working with a granny flat and they decided between themselves who pays what. Guess what, my parents pensions now go to the teenage whims of his kids. Nothing for me, but fair enough, my amazing brother took over the family and organises such a nice loving life as he is taught by our parents.

Not really sure what point you're making.

He lived with his dad since we split. with His dad has now emigrated so he has moved back in with me.

When my kids start work I'll be charging them rent but I'll save as much as I can of it to give back to them for a house deposit.

To be fair posts like this have shown me I’ve been ignorant in my thinking. In cases like yours I agree with your decision as your a one man band. No suggestions. Your husband is a tool though hope he sleeps on the warm side of the pillow.

It costs money to have adults living at home eg extra council tax , water etc.
If they are working they should contribute.
A lot of parents charge nothing like the rent they'd have to pay if they moved out.
I'd be suprised if you could get a room anywhere near me with everything included (including laundry and food ) for under £1000.
And if you live in a house share you'd have to provide your own food.

If you can afford to subsidise grown working adults you're lucky.

Like I said I don't have rent to pay. If I did then I would charge them to live with me. My one son who does live at home full time mostly buys his own food. I fully appreciate why others do need to charge rent though.

You are quite right.

I was charged board when I was younger. I was given a load of nonsense about how it teaches me to be more responsible and teaches me about money... yeah right lol

I wouldn't take a penny off my son (unless he turns a certain age maybe 30+ and is showing no signs of moving out)

@User788889 - this post isn’t going to go down well! 🤣 most people on here and in my experience think once their kids are grown they are done.

I personally agree with you. Teach them responsibility yes of course but I wouldn’t charge by kids either.