Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

You keep changing the narrative
What about if you were at risk of being homeless and your adult children weres living at home in a well paid job would you still expect them not to give you a penny?

I agree. To choose homelessness over asking your adult (not child) working offspring (I won’t say kid) who actually lives with you, to help contribute is one of the most insane things I have ever read here. It’s tantamount to insinuating that asking for keep is so low that homelessness is preferable. 🙄

I think someone who puts their principles above their children having a home "I'm not taking money from my kids though ever certainly not any uni loans, even if we ended up homeless," has no business telling others how to parent. Any moral high ground you thought you had, disappeared the second you posted that.

'I agree. To choose homelessness over asking your adult (not child) working offspring (I won’t say kid) who actually lives with you, to help contribute is one of the most insane things'

Who said I'd choose homelessness? Please dont trivialise. What I said was I'd still never charge my kids because if we were at that sad stage any contribution would be futile.

There's a lot of defensiveness and twisting of words going on, I wonder why? I'm happy with my choices as long as others are happy with there's than fine.

I can't be the only one better off now we aren't shelling out travel costs, clothes costs, phones cost etc etc etc.

You said about homelessness right there in your own post 🤷‍♀️

Apologies, quoted the wrong message.

There is your original statement about homelessness, which, like the “financing the cars” comment has now changed to something else

Thankyou for quoting me again <> . What I have kept saying is I'd never charge my kids even if we ended up homeless. Not that I'd choose it.

Can we move on I'm not sure how many times you want to keep quoting me. Just ignore me, you're apparently happy with your choices. It's all good.

I will quote you every time you change what you say. You are preaching, yet can’t quite decide your own set up.

And I’m not “apparently” happy with my decisions. I am happy with y decisions

"I'm not taking money from my kids though ever certainly not any uni loans, even if we ended up homeless

So if the choice was between being homeless and taking money from your kids your choice would be to be homeless. How else can the above statement be interpreted? You made that statement and got called out on it, the faux "oh but that's not what I meant, you most have read it wrongly", doesn't wash. You said it, you meant it now just own it.

Well when I was 17 I'd pay my mum 'rent' but it was literally £100 a month to cover some bills and food but I'd still pay buy food for myself or top up the elec.
when I was older still living at home again I paid my way as before but I gave her £250 to cover bits.
Even older and me and dp had to move out of our rental we actually moved into my dads house (he then moved into his gfs house for us) and we gave him rent of about £400 to cover the bills

It's a stepping stone, foot in the door, a sense of independence and budgeting skills

She’s also told us what we are discussing on here, regardless of the fact none of it was mentioned in the OP.

Well if you were homeless you can’t be charging rent can you? I think you meant no matter how bad the situation was you would never ask them for keep money. Never asking even when you’re on your knees and they live with you and work isn’t admirable, it’s stupid.

I agree suggesting you’d make yourself homeless to avoid asking your salaried child who lives with you to contribute is bonkers. I also don’t get how the salaried child would be comfortable with it either, I’d be very concerned with the empathy of the young person who continually took from their parents who just scrape by, they seem a bit selfish and greedy - parents behaving like doormats is not a good example. If you can afford not to ask that’s great for you - many can’t and their kids should know this and be happy to contribute if they are decent human beings.

It's not faux anything, I'd never charge my kids to live here.

I'm better off than when they were at school at college how about some of you focus on that bit?! They pay their own way way in several ways. Just they don't pay our bills.

Adult children should definitely pay rent if they are working. However, I would save the money and give it back to them to help them with their own house one day.

You can afford to and that’s fine but your attitude through this whole thread is to be aghast at the very idea of it. Not asking because you don’t need to is one thing but there's no need to be so appalled at the idea of it. That is why posters are not liking your attitude.

It's quite confusing because people are lumping a student working part time with an adult in full term work.

And what does that teach them?
That you dont trust them to save up like an adult so you have to secretly save up for them and treat them like a child?

And some are worse off than when their kids were at school/college so how about you focus on THAT bit instead of implying that we're fleecing our kids of every penny they earn to line our own pockets. Your sanctimonious attitude towards receiving money from our DC's is beyond tiresome but for some of us ( I lost over £200 pm when DD left school 15 years ago. She gave me £75 pm out of her £550 pm earnings, so a drop in the ocean), it really was a case of every little helps. Just because you can afford to absorb the cost of having adult DC living with you some of us couldn't, through no fault of our own. it doesn't mean we don't love our DC's or want to see them disadvantaged, we just wanted to ensure they had a roof over their head, a warm home to live in and food in their stomachs and sometimes that meant they had to contribute something. I'm sorry if that's so difficult for you to grasp, sat there in your ivory tower but that was our reality, yours is different clearly, but your way doesn't make you a better parent than me or anybody else who charged rent/keep/board, whatever name it gets called so stop acting like it does.

When I moved back in after uni, and I was working, I paid my parents a small amount to cover my share of the bills and food (maybe £200 a month, early noughties). My brother still lives at home (mid-forties) and pays rent, though they reduce it for things he does to help them out. I always felt I should pay my way, even if I could afford it to let my kids stay for free when they're adults, I feel they should be paying towards the bills as a minimum if they're out of education.

That’s called running a saving club not rent.

@mastercheat @x2boys I recognise that buying a house these days is much more difficult than it was when I was young! I had my first mortgage at 18 on a very modest salary many many years ago. That is in no way achievable now!

And?
You still clearly don't think adults are capable of saving for themselves and need their parents to secretly save for them .

Could be a class thing. I always expected to be paying “digs” as soon as I started earning. My mum paid digs to her mum when she started earning. How else are young people supposed to understand that bills are to be paid etc.

Likewise some of your attitudes throughout have been aghast at those of us who want our teens to save for their future.
Some of the comments have been very unpleasant.