Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

My DS18 (been working FT, above NMW) since he was 16 pays £50pw. He has way more disposable income than us (even though we are comfortable) and he blews way too much of it on crap. We pay all the bills and for his food, include him in any take aways etc so he gets a lot of his £50! He has a double en-suite bedroom and his gf stays most weekends!

We do it mainly to teach him responsibilities and that life isn’t free. We may or may not give majority back in one way or another but he doesn’t need to know this.

Completely unreasonable. You have no right to judge what other families do especially when you supposedly call them a friend. I would be dropping you like a hot potato if I was the friend and found out you were going round calling me selfish and mean. Personally I don’t understand why some people who are clearly well off feel the need to judge other parents just because they make different decisions. I’ve brought my kids up to be independent and responsible for themselves and no that doesn’t make me selfish and mean. We do, of course help our kids out when we can and would never leave them stuck. Try minding your own business.

This thread just makes me feel like shit that I have to charge my dd lodge while she's at uni,in an ideal world I wouldn't charge anything but she is learning a valuable lesson,she saved up to pay for her driving lessons,bought herself a car,pays her insurance.i give her 2 weeks off at Christmas, a week for her birthday,pay for her holidays home or abroad,as well as food and lodge she gets,Internet,Netflix and washing and ironing done,only housework is her own room.i buy her packed lunches for uni/placement and all particular food she likes,including protein drinks,iced coffees etc.

😳 how old is your DD if you don’t mind me asking?

Not really when one is studying and one isn’t.

I've also said I'm more than happy for her to stay for another 3 years after university at the same rate so she can save for a house deposit instead of going straight into rented as she plans too.

You don't have to feel like shit @Kneeboobs. It's an extremely personal thing and each family makes their own decisions.

I think many working adult children would feel infantilised not paying for their keep! If you feel uncomfortable about taking money, then secretly put it on an account for them

I didn’t have to pay rent as an adult at my parents place. Their rule was: You’ll always have a roof over your head and food in the fridge. Everything else is up to you. But my parents are wealthy. None of my friends ever had to pay rent.

DH had to pay rent from age 18, his parents divorced that year and there were massive money troubles in his household.

If we can afford it, we’ll charge our DC rent once they start earning money, but save/invest it for them and give it to them as a house deposit. They are still really little so who knows what we’ll do or what financial situation we’ll be in.

I think if you are earning money as a young adult there is a certain element of self respect that comes from feeling that you are contributing financially to the household you are living in. It serves as a rite of passage into an adult world, and it helps to gradually reset the relationship with your parents from “child who is being looked after” to “young adult who is gaining autonomy and control over their own life”.

As a parent I want to be able to help my children financially as much as possible, but when the time comes I do think this will help them as a stepping stone to independence.

I am also Asian

I think the cultures are just very different

Asian adult children don't pay rent but they are absolutely expected to be part of the household - to do more extensive chores, help out relatives, turn up to community events etc.

They are taught to pitch in, it's just not about money

Very poor behaviour to charge a 17 year old rent - I’m fortunate that I’ve never been in a financial position where I needed to take money from my children, but even if I had been, I wouldn’t have even considered charging them before they were 18 and had finished school/college. That’s the obligation you take on when you become a parent.

At 17, yes I do think it's strange, unless the family are particularly hard up. A 17 year old is not an adult yet so I'd do my utmost to keep them living at home for free.

When they have finished full time education and have a full time job it's a bit different, especially if the parents aren't wealthy and need the contribution.

Personally though I can't imagine ever charging my child anything to live in the home they grew up in, unless there was a specific reason for doing so.

I don’t tend to judge financial posts too much as we’re all in different positions, but this is so fucking distasteful and leaves me quite shocked that anyone could be quite so encased in their own little bubble that they can’t envisage a situation where their own little narrow life view might not be the same as everyone else’s.

There are millions of people in the UK who are in receipt of some sort of benefit. Now can you imagine how absolutely fucking shit you’ve just made every other parent who doesn’t have the same financial freedom as you and who might not have any choice in whether they ‘set their kids back’ by needing them to contribute to the rent? They are not setting their children back. You’re giving yours a head start. And that’s great that you can do that, good for you, but ffs, get down off your high horse.

Bully for you. Mine had to pay as I couldn't house and feed hungry adults on my wage alone.

They've all gone on to be highly successful.

But thank you for insinuating that I was trying to set them up to fail.

If I had a spender on a full time income I would charge rent and save it. As it happens my almost 18 year old has fairly significant savings from his Saturday job and hardly ever spends. He's offered rent and I've said no I want him to save and enjoy some responsibility free years.
I moved out at 17 so don't know what my parents would have done.

I don’t think that’s quite true - maybe it is for some Asian communities but definitely not all.

We lived in Singapore for a number of years - they have a law called the ‘Maintenance of Parents Act’ which places a legal requirement on adult children to financially support their parents aged above 60 if they cannot provide for themselves.

Most of my Singaporean friends gave their parents a monthly allowance, even if their parents could support themselves so they weren’t legally required to - to thank their parents for everything they had done for them and make sure they could have a comfortable retirement.

My mum was a single mum and at 18 i was contributing. She needed the money. Why not?

I think you are setting your kid up for not having realism when you move out ans realise how expensive everything is.

It gave me a good sense of budgeting. I wanted to pay, I love my mum and she has been there for me. My mum, my sister and I were a team.

Can I ask why he had already moved out before 19? That seems very young.

Im expecting my kids to live with me until they’ve at least finished uni (if they go) or early 20s and I’d only want them to move out if they had a better option. I certainly wouldn’t want them to move out before 20 if at all possible as I don’t think they’re generally mature enough in late teens to handle life themselves to that extent.

that's my whole mortgage on a 3 double bed house + water bill 😳

There's been multiple threads about this over the years. We don't and never will because we can afford it. Others probably cannot afford not to once child benefit runs out.

I moved out at 19 but needed to move back home briefly when I was about 28. Massive unexpected change in circumstances and needed somewhere to live temporarily til we got on our feet. My mum
charged me an absolute fortune. It crippled me but kept a roof over our heads. Conversely, I have a sister who is now 29. Lives with my mum . Is a high earner and doesn’t pay my mum a penny as my mum
wants her to “enjoy her money”.

I wouldn’t charge my child to live at home if they were at uni, saving for a home etc. But similarly, if they are in their late 20’s and just wanting to avoid paying rent or a mortgage, and are comfortable- I do think that’s a bit different.

I don't think a 17 year old should be paying rent. If parents are poor, they will still be getting child benefit and other benefits until the summer after the child's 18th birthday. Is the 17 year old working full time? Very few are now as they are meant to be in education or training.
I strongly believe adults living with their parents should pay. Many people return to parents in middle age after job loss or relationship breakdown. Should a single pensioner on a low income still keep them? I cannot agree with those that think adult children should always be able to live for free with their parents.