Page 39 | Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

User788889 · 2025-02-14T10:31:44+00:00

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

Shitshower · 17/02/2025 12:08

Janiie · 17/02/2025 12:04

As I seem to have to keep saying it doesn't matter on the mode of transport, where they eat lunch be it M&S or Greggs, where they buy their clothes. The point it we did it all pre earnings, once they have their own they pay for it all. It adds up. Far more than our monthly leccy bill I can tell you. They don't need to shoulder parents costs too.

I'm far from privileged and have had hard times like everyone else. I'm not taking money from my kids though ever certainly not any uni loans, even if we ended up homeless.

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It does matter on the mode of transport.
You have changed your narrative because I have pulled you up on the fact you have clearly financed cars for your children, now you are changing it to “I don’t have to pay for the bus”

You can repeat it as often as you want, but what I will lose when my daughter is 18 WILL NOT equal out by not paying for things for her.

BunnyLake · 17/02/2025 12:14

Shitshower · 17/02/2025 10:46

And yet your opening post does not put that caveat in? Did it take posts on here to make you aware that those kind of people exist? At which point you thoughtfully excluded us from being greedy?

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This has been my gripe. OP made NO mention of any scenarios other than it was odd to ask offspring for keep. (Ok her example was a 17yr old) but the OP was written as to believe that the entire concept of asking for keep was wrong.

BunnyLake · 17/02/2025 12:18

User788889 · 17/02/2025 10:28

Charity starts at home. Wealthier individuals already do contribute a substantial portion of tax revenue. This is why business owners are leaving the UK at a crazy rate. They’re moving their assets to lower tax jurisdictions. This is detrimental to society because actually, people who are wealthy drive the economic growth by creating jobs for the average person and investing in start ups. So no, wealth inequality doesn’t always “harm us all.” I question this victim mentality where people believe they are so far away from bettering their situation and therefore blame rich people or the government. With consistency, anyone can improve their finances and their overall quality of life. In this day and age, there are endless possibilities. Start a trade, write a blog, buy and sell. Do one of these consistently for a year and see what happens! Again, adults having a financial advantage is by no means a negative! Don’t limit yourself.

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You forgot start a Youtube channel, marry a Premier League Footballer, go on OnlyFans.

Phase2 · 17/02/2025 12:24

The point is surely that we fund our children because that's what they are, and they can't fund themselves. Once they are fully grown with jobs they can start paying their way. Why should I keep shouldering the fuel bill for two now adults? At what point is it not help but taking the piss?
Mine live at home, they had one year to save every penny of their earnings and then could choose to stay at a reduced 'rent' or move out.
I genuinely don't see why a fully grown earning adult shouldn't pay a share of the fuel /food bills that they are consuming. They don't pay repairs they don't pay redecoration etc etc so they have loads of free income, much more than me.
And once you bring loss of benefits into it it's not even a choice but a necessity despite a poster saying she'd rather be homeless than charge her kids lol.

x2boys · 17/02/2025 12:42

Janiie · 17/02/2025 12:04

As I seem to have to keep saying it doesn't matter on the mode of transport, where they eat lunch be it M&S or Greggs, where they buy their clothes. The point it we did it all pre earnings, once they have their own they pay for it all. It adds up. Far more than our monthly leccy bill I can tell you. They don't need to shoulder parents costs too.

I'm far from privileged and have had hard times like everyone else. I'm not taking money from my kids though ever certainly not any uni loans, even if we ended up homeless.

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And would your adult children rather see you homeless and not offer a penny ?
Very selfish and entitled of them.

Izzybusy23 · 17/02/2025 12:50

Shitshower · 17/02/2025 10:30

With consistency, anyone can improve their finances and their overall quality of life. In this day and age, there are endless possibilities. Start a trade, write a blog, buy and sell. Do one of these consistently for a year and see what happens! Again, adults having a financial advantage is by no means a negative! Don’t limit yourself.

I genuinely believe you live in cloud cuckoo land.

Every single one of her posts is condescending. Rather than getting angry I am now pitying her outlook on life.

Janiie · 17/02/2025 12:55

Shitshower · 17/02/2025 12:08

It does matter on the mode of transport.
You have changed your narrative because I have pulled you up on the fact you have clearly financed cars for your children, now you are changing it to “I don’t have to pay for the bus”

You can repeat it as often as you want, but what I will lose when my daughter is 18 WILL NOT equal out by not paying for things for her.

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We are all repeating ourselves, my lived experience is as valid as yours. Ime what we now don't pay for them makes us better off. Therefore we don't need them to pay us to live here.
You haven't pulled me up on anything you've nitpicked. It doesn't matter whether they are paying train fares or petrol, the fact is they now pay it.
As an aside you really shouldn't lose CMS once your dc is 18, as you've said they are in college. It stops once they go to uni/get a job.

BunnyLake · 17/02/2025 13:00

Janiie · 17/02/2025 12:04

As I seem to have to keep saying it doesn't matter on the mode of transport, where they eat lunch be it M&S or Greggs, where they buy their clothes. The point it we did it all pre earnings, once they have their own they pay for it all. It adds up. Far more than our monthly leccy bill I can tell you. They don't need to shoulder parents costs too.

I'm far from privileged and have had hard times like everyone else. I'm not taking money from my kids though ever certainly not any uni loans, even if we ended up homeless.

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When you say you’re not taking money from your kids do you mean even if they're say 23/24/25 and still at home? Do you mean if they are all at home and all working full time (I don’t know how many you have).

Kids aren’t really kids when they’re mid twenties and working are they, not like when they’re dependents still in some form of education.

aspidernamedfluffy · 17/02/2025 13:04

Janiie · 17/02/2025 12:04

As I seem to have to keep saying it doesn't matter on the mode of transport, where they eat lunch be it M&S or Greggs, where they buy their clothes. The point it we did it all pre earnings, once they have their own they pay for it all. It adds up. Far more than our monthly leccy bill I can tell you. They don't need to shoulder parents costs too.

I'm far from privileged and have had hard times like everyone else. I'm not taking money from my kids though ever certainly not any uni loans, even if we ended up homeless.

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You'd rather your kids were homeless than ask them for a contribution. Fucking hell I've heard it all now. 🙄

BunnyLake · 17/02/2025 13:05

aspidernamedfluffy · 17/02/2025 13:04

You'd rather your kids were homeless than ask them for a contribution. Fucking hell I've heard it all now. 🙄

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Ridiculous mindset isn’t it. 😁

Look sweetie its against all my beliefs and values to ask you to contribute so although you earn more than me I think its best all round we just embrace homelessness. I couldn't live with myself if I asked you to help keep a roof over our heads. No, no, don’t offer because i will NOT accept, what kind of mother do you take me for. No we will be homeless and you’ll thank me in the end.

Anonym00se · 17/02/2025 13:08

So what are we saying?

We can get rich easily by simply making a cake or starting a blog, or… adult children who pay keep will grow up and live in poverty unless they’re given an easy ride and a big financial gift from parents?

Surely they could just bake a cake?

5128gap · 17/02/2025 13:13

Janiie · 17/02/2025 12:04

As I seem to have to keep saying it doesn't matter on the mode of transport, where they eat lunch be it M&S or Greggs, where they buy their clothes. The point it we did it all pre earnings, once they have their own they pay for it all. It adds up. Far more than our monthly leccy bill I can tell you. They don't need to shoulder parents costs too.

I'm far from privileged and have had hard times like everyone else. I'm not taking money from my kids though ever certainly not any uni loans, even if we ended up homeless.

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Well that would be a bit silly, wouldn't it? If you became homeless, where would your adult children live? Unless you've experience of what ending up homeless looks like, the temporary accommodation, the hostels, then it's just empty bravado isn't it? And tbh, pretty offensive given the many people who when their housing allowance is cut due to another working adult in the home, genuinely would risk homelessness if they didnt accept a contribution from them. And it's not your stereotype of benefit 'scroungers' I'm talking about here. It's people working in essential jobs, care and retail who without UC top ups can't afford inflated rents.

Janiie · 17/02/2025 13:26

BunnyLake · 17/02/2025 13:00

When you say you’re not taking money from your kids do you mean even if they're say 23/24/25 and still at home? Do you mean if they are all at home and all working full time (I don’t know how many you have).

Kids aren’t really kids when they’re mid twenties and working are they, not like when they’re dependents still in some form of education.

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I'll never charge my kids to live here but I understand why some do once they're older in established careers, if they haven't saved enough money to live independently <not surprisingly if they've been paying 30% of their min wage to live at home>.

It is the parents who take money when they don't need it from kids in their teens that I dont understand. We've had someone taking it from a kid working hours in Asda despite studying for Alevels, all the 'paying their way' comments.

Shitshower · 17/02/2025 13:33

Janiie · 17/02/2025 12:55

We are all repeating ourselves, my lived experience is as valid as yours. Ime what we now don't pay for them makes us better off. Therefore we don't need them to pay us to live here.
You haven't pulled me up on anything you've nitpicked. It doesn't matter whether they are paying train fares or petrol, the fact is they now pay it.
As an aside you really shouldn't lose CMS once your dc is 18, as you've said they are in college. It stops once they go to uni/get a job.

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No, I’m not nit picking, I’m rightly pulling you up on changing your narrative and refusing to accept that because it’s the case for you, it isn’t for me.

You have not repeatedly said that it’s evened out for you you have repeatedly told (me) how it will even out in general.

You have explained repeatedly how things work and as I have told you, my daughter is about to turn 18 and leaves school in July. Then she will no longer be in education and I will lose the money I have listed I do not need you to explain it. It actually stops shortly after they leave 6th form.

You have told (me) how much will be saved because my DC will pay for their own car costs, and I have pointed out that you have obviously previously paid for your children’s cars, by your own admission, and that I won’t save those costs because I can’t buy her a car.
You then changed it to “bus fare” which is really not the same.

Your experience is yours, but please do not repeatedly inform me how my finances work, as if I am an idiot who does not manage her own finances.

You have used the word “apparently” regarding the amount of money I will lose on this thread and you have told me not to put my DD off uni because “I can’t afford it”

As an aside, I find your attitude condescending, sanctimonious and patronising.

I think your comment you’d rather be homeless than charge your children keep is right up there with the most stupid comments I have ever heard.

BunnyLake · 17/02/2025 13:41

Janiie · 17/02/2025 13:26

I'll never charge my kids to live here but I understand why some do once they're older in established careers, if they haven't saved enough money to live independently <not surprisingly if they've been paying 30% of their min wage to live at home>.

It is the parents who take money when they don't need it from kids in their teens that I dont understand. We've had someone taking it from a kid working hours in Asda despite studying for Alevels, all the 'paying their way' comments.

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Taking some ‘keep’ from a twenty something in a full time job is absolutely fine, nothing remiss about that at all. I’m not going to call it rent because it blurs the lines too much. It’s keep.

x2boys · 17/02/2025 13:42

Janiie · 17/02/2025 13:26

I'll never charge my kids to live here but I understand why some do once they're older in established careers, if they haven't saved enough money to live independently <not surprisingly if they've been paying 30% of their min wage to live at home>.

It is the parents who take money when they don't need it from kids in their teens that I dont understand. We've had someone taking it from a kid working hours in Asda despite studying for Alevels, all the 'paying their way' comments.

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Why have you decided that parents are charging their kids 30% and they are only earning minimum wage ?

Izzybusy23 · 17/02/2025 13:44

5128gap · 17/02/2025 13:13

Well that would be a bit silly, wouldn't it? If you became homeless, where would your adult children live? Unless you've experience of what ending up homeless looks like, the temporary accommodation, the hostels, then it's just empty bravado isn't it? And tbh, pretty offensive given the many people who when their housing allowance is cut due to another working adult in the home, genuinely would risk homelessness if they didnt accept a contribution from them. And it's not your stereotype of benefit 'scroungers' I'm talking about here. It's people working in essential jobs, care and retail who without UC top ups can't afford inflated rents.

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I call it virtue signalling.

Shitshower · 17/02/2025 13:44

x2boys · 17/02/2025 13:42

Why have you decided that parents are charging their kids 30% and they are only earning minimum wage ?

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She appears to know the ins and outs of everyone’s finances.

Shes put me right on my own finances several times, which I am really grateful for

x2boys · 17/02/2025 13:45

Janiie · 17/02/2025 13:26

I'll never charge my kids to live here but I understand why some do once they're older in established careers, if they haven't saved enough money to live independently <not surprisingly if they've been paying 30% of their min wage to live at home>.

It is the parents who take money when they don't need it from kids in their teens that I dont understand. We've had someone taking it from a kid working hours in Asda despite studying for Alevels, all the 'paying their way' comments.

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The person who was taking money of her student son working in Asda was taking £100/ month out of £1000, that's hardly fleecing him he still Has £900 / month ti do what he wants with.

Izzybusy23 · 17/02/2025 13:49

x2boys · 17/02/2025 13:45

The person who was taking money of her student son working in Asda was taking £100/ month out of £1000, that's hardly fleecing him he still Has £900 / month ti do what he wants with.

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I take £150 off my daughters £1500 take home pay; a whole whopping 10%. What a terrible mother I am, despite her having far more disposable income than me.. I suppose I’ll just go without like I have for the past 19 years so she can ‘have’..

Janiie · 17/02/2025 13:58

x2boys · 17/02/2025 13:45

The person who was taking money of her student son working in Asda was taking £100/ month out of £1000, that's hardly fleecing him he still Has £900 / month ti do what he wants with.

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A full time college student, have you done Alevels or the equivalent? There is a lot of intense studying and course work so if it were me I'd say hey reduce the 26hrs and don't give us £100 quid a month. Focus on your studies. But as we have seen we all do things differently whicn is fine but we are allowed a polite opinion on it.

x2boys · 17/02/2025 14:00

Izzybusy23 · 17/02/2025 13:49

I take £150 off my daughters £1500 take home pay; a whole whopping 10%. What a terrible mother I am, despite her having far more disposable income than me.. I suppose I’ll just go without like I have for the past 19 years so she can ‘have’..

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My sister takes £180 out if her sons £1700,take home pay which i think is very low ,if he can't save money what's he's got left something has gone wrong.

x2boys · 17/02/2025 14:01

Janiie · 17/02/2025 13:58

A full time college student, have you done Alevels or the equivalent? There is a lot of intense studying and course work so if it were me I'd say hey reduce the 26hrs and don't give us £100 quid a month. Focus on your studies. But as we have seen we all do things differently whicn is fine but we are allowed a polite opinion on it.

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Yes I did Aleveks and worked weekends in a nursing home at the same time..

Janiie · 17/02/2025 14:05

'I think your comment you’d rather be homeless than charge your children keep is right up there with the most stupid comments I have ever heard.'

Well I didn't say that. I said I'd never charge my kids to live here even if we ended up homeless. If we were at that stage of having a house repossessed grabbing a few quid from their retail part-time job whilst at uni is hardly going fo fix things.

The people arguing for taking money from kids to pay rent to live at homes are really quick with the unpleasantaries. I'd never quote any of the 'most stupid comments I have ever heard' on here. Try and debate without insults.

Shitshower · 17/02/2025 14:15

Janiie · 17/02/2025 14:05

'I think your comment you’d rather be homeless than charge your children keep is right up there with the most stupid comments I have ever heard.'

Well I didn't say that. I said I'd never charge my kids to live here even if we ended up homeless. If we were at that stage of having a house repossessed grabbing a few quid from their retail part-time job whilst at uni is hardly going fo fix things.

The people arguing for taking money from kids to pay rent to live at homes are really quick with the unpleasantaries. I'd never quote any of the 'most stupid comments I have ever heard' on here. Try and debate without insults.

So what is the difference between “I’d rather be homeless than charge my children keep” and “I’d never charge my children to live here even if we ended up homeless”
Homelessness seems to be the end result doesn’t it? It’s semantics because that is what you have said.

Im not actually quick with unpleasantries, I’ve explained things to you over and over and still you insist you know my finances better than me and to be honest I’ve had enough.

Your comment re homelessness (however the sentence is changed around) is stupid.

Funnily enough when I had to flee my husband with my children we became homeless and it’s really not a trivial matter. Again, I imagine you are about to explain to me how I was not homeless, because it’s another issue you know all about.