Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

I wouldn't want rent but I equally can see that if you get used to having a salary but no living expenses, it becomes very difficult to motivate yourself to move out.

And I realise that many mumsnetters seem delighted to have their adult children living at home, DH and I kind of do want them gone at some point..

So I think our approach when the time comes might be to insist that they save half their salaries instead of paying towards living expenses and to see proof of that

Personally I think it's terrible. But it's absolutely unheard of on my culture so it's just an alien concept.

Depends if the child is actually an adult working full time. Why should one adult fund another who is able to pay their way? Also, not charging rent once they are working full time is surely setting them up for failure. An adult who has always had their entire wage as disposable income is likely to find the transition to budgeting to run a household quite difficult.

Its been mentioned in a few posts , but just in case youve missed it @User788889
NOT EVERYONE CAN OFFORD TO LET ADULTS LIVE RENT FREE IN THEIR HOME.
Hth.

I paid my keep from 16 when I left school and found it useful later since I was getting used to my wages not being all mine. There are household costs and because it was a heavy manual job I ate like a shire horse.

But it is up to the parent to do what they deem fit. I don't think you have to charge keep if you don't want to. You can have your opinion but it is not a one size fits all there are good reasons on both sides of the debate

It depends on the situation I think.

Anything pre university (assuming straight after college) - No I wouldn't.
University - again no
Post university - Yes I would. Probably a low amount so they understand that you do have to pay for living. But if we could afford it it would go into an account for them for a house deposit.

But I moved out of home for university at 18 years and didn't move back. Summer jobs supported my accommodation and spending through the summer. Then I moved 200 miles away from my parents.

My dd 23 had her first property bought outright for by us for her recently. But if things were different I would have asked for a small sum towards her keep.

Because they have wealthy parents who can afford to keep them. What an absolute shocker that they are well travelled home and business owners.

But they could just as easily by entitled layabouts with no understanding of paying their own way.

Also, why should I pay for the housing and everything that goes with it for full.grown adults making a decent wage?

It's contributing towards the household expenses.
We have educated our (now) adult children.
Paid all college fees, bought them their first cars.
Their monthly contribution goes directly into my savings account.
Our plan is to give it back to help them towards a house deposit into the future but they don't know that. Anything could happen, I could lose my job, get ill....so the money is sitting there for the future.

Mine do. Rule was as soon as they were working F/T then they should start to contribute. Started off gradually at £50/month and now DS (23) pays £200 and DD (22) pays £150. They are more than happy to contribute and see it as a life skill to learn to budget etc. both save between 500 - 700 a month too.

I dont and will never charge my adult kids rent.But I am Asian and it's not part of my culture. They do do chores.

To each their own.

My eldest son paid rent. My youngest son who still lives with us pays rent. It’s minimal compared to running their own homes. Everything is provided on tap. I had a sizeable inheritance and have given both sons deposits to buy their own homes. Everyone’s circumstances are different but I don’t think young people can expect to live anywhere for free especially if they earn well

I’d rather not as I’d like to give my children the best start in life I can, but some people’s circumstances don’t allow for that luxury.

doing it on principle is a bit weird, I agree

All adults should take some financial responsibility for themselves, including contributing towards the roof over their head and food on their table. I actually think what sets young people up for failure is molly-coddling them, and infantilising them into adulthood, when they should actually be taught to understand the responsibilities that come with adulthood.

It’s a recent thing that parents continue to financially support their little darlings into adulthood to this extent. This is why the so many of the Millennial generation are so insufferable and entitled.

I think it's fine if the child is an adult working full time on a proper wage. But not if they're just working part-time while studying or on an apprenticeship or something.

In my experience parents almost never ask for anything that should be called 'rent' because it is a small proportion of a market rent would be, and includes food, utilities and often lifts which a paying tenant would have cover as well. They tend to ask for a small contribution to household expenses which is quite reasonable once the young person is earning, and may not even cover the cost of feeding them.
I think it's very confusing to call this 'rent' because it implies a commercial transaction which is simply not happening.

My parents always said they wouldn't charge us rent as long as we were either studying, working or actively job-hunting. If we did none of that, we'd be charged rent. I think that worked well and I will hopefully be in the position to do the same when my children are old enough.

I think paying your way is fine as long as it's fair. My brother was working full time and my parents didn't make him pay anything. I was doing an apprenticeship, earning £6 an hour and they made me pay £300 a month

My two adult DCs live with us, as they can't afford to move out. (Both have done, and for various reasons have had to move back).

Weekly shopping for 4 adults is - quelle surprise! - a lot more expensive than it used to be for 2. So yes, we charge them rent. (A proportion of which goes into savings for them, which they know about).

And it's not just shopping. More rooms need to be heated, more water is consumed, so our utilities are greater than when it was just the two of us.

Not charging adult DC who live with you is actually enabling them - they get used to never having to pay rent (or a mortgage), so it doesn't do them any favours in the long run.

It depends- I won't charge my DDs rent until they are out of education whether that's school, college or university.
But if they were working and still living at home then yes I would expect a contribution towards the house expenses.

Things that aren’t weird

Being poor
Expecting grown adults to support themselves
Supporting your child through education

Things that are weird

Charging school children to live in their own home
Expecting your mum to pay all your bills when you are a working adult
Expecting your mum to pay all your bills when you are an unemployed college dropout
Expecting your mum to have much less disposable income for clothes, food, socialising, transport etc so you can have more
Not teaching your children that survival depends on doing things to feed yourself
Taking money you don’t need from an adults wages to “secretly” save for them like they are 3 years old

Do you think so? In Asian cultures usually no money changes hands between family. Don't think many have turned out that entitled or spoilt.
Works both ways. My mum stays with me for months at a time, and I dont take money from her.

Tbh I think if this is what it takes to teach them budgeting skills at 18,19 the focus on life learning is a bit distorted into the very basic and not very valuable. i can understand if it’s needed but I think saying it teaches responsibility is quite arbitrary

My working adult children contributed to the home they lived in, we took minimal money from them they managed to move out successfully and contributed to their own homes 1 child has bought and moved twice without any trauma of having to pay for some of their utilities when they lived at home.

I believe that adult children, who aren't in education, should pay rent. My parents charged me rent, but it wasn't the going rate for a lodger. I paid £50pw - this helped me learn the responsibility of paying my way, but also allowed me to save money to enable me to move out. I think this was a fair arrangement, and I'll do the same with my dd when she's older, if she wants to continue living here.