Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

It's not greedy

It's not immoral.

Call it rent, call it covering part of the bills, call it digs money ..its a contribution to the expense of the house.

Then chage her, put it into a savings account, give it to her when she finds somewhere, give it tp her towards the deposit - thats what we did.

My DD IS 19 and working about 20 or so hours a week. She is paying £150 a month 'rent' towards food and bills. We don't need the money but she does need to learn how to budget. She is a great girl and works hard but has ADHD and is hopelessly disorganised. I don't want her to get too much of a nasty shock when she moves out so we see it as teaching her some 'adulting' skills (she is also paying for her car, car insurance and phone).

We aren't saving the money to give back to her but we will be helping her out with a deposit on her first home.

To add- DD is just working, part-time and isn't studying at the moment. If she was studying she wouldn't pay us rent.

What cultural background is it?

Every penny? Not just putting a percentage away?

Ours get a year rent free once they've left education and they can either stay or rent/mortgage/flat share. If they stay they pay.
I'm not saving it all up and they know that, it's such a stupid thing to do. Pretend you need the money but you actually don't trust them to save and then gift them their own money back like Lady Bountiful? lol.

Personally I don’t know anyone who has done that, I probably don’t know enough wealthy people.

Funnily enough me and a couple of friends briefly talked about this very subject a few month’s ago when we were reminiscing. I was surprised to find out that my very middle class friend, who had a very posh la-di-da mother had to pay ‘keep’. I would have bet money on her not having to. So all three of us had to contribute to the family coffers (two of us working class, one very middle class). The middle class one’s parents didn’t save it up for her either.

I'm middle class I guess but I don't know anyone who's done it either, sounds like one of those things people suggest as it sounds good.
Why should I fund kids earning more than me? Madness.

I got charged dig money after graduating. £250pm. Reasonable to pay towards food and utility bills.

If my kid is working as an adult she can contribute to her household. It's not strange at all. This conversation is really just about privilege.

My DS, 25 has been in work, his degree-qualified job for 2.5 years now. He pays us £100 a week. Which I and he thinks is entirely reasonable.

Yes, we can afford to not charge him, but why would we? We all spent 18-22 years getting him to this point, of earning an OK, (not amazing)- wage. So who ultimately would benefit from us coddling him from at least partially paying his way?

So how much are parents expecting to save up with the money they take from their kids? Do you have a set amount or time scale in mind before you say “Surprise”🥳 I mean, how does it work?

I think a little rent is good to teach them responsibility. Also if they’re eating the food you buy and using your gas and elec then rent is fair enough to cover this especially if they’re in full time work.

Did they say how much it was they saved up?

No didn’t ask.

Well my family was poor, so when I got a job (at 15) it meant I could help a little. I expect it's different for people who are wealthy.

Not sure why it is setting your kids up for failure. They will need to learn that things have to be paid for or they are going to get a terrible shock when they do get their own home.

Op I could never take money from my kids either but in honesty I don't need to, whereas i appreciate there are lots of people who have no choice. My adult kids are living with us to save money for deposits, with which we will have to help them with too.

@BunnyLake it's a turn of phrase

I think it's an important life lesson. My DH only paid £20 a week to live at home until his 30's. His mother couldn't afford it but let him get away with contributing a measly amount. The upshot of that meant he now feels I should also keep him and pay for it all while he spends all 'his' money on himself. Yes I'm bitter

What is weird is those people who are not only wealthy enough to ignore costs but so used to living that way that they are puzzled by (and contemptuous of) those who can't afford to do the same.

I'm reminded of a poster from way back who would respond to threads about money by saying things like "but.. why would you not just get a job as a top lawyer or CEO so you had enough money?"

🙄

So those who would ‘never’ take keep money off their adult working child, what if you have two or even three adult working kids living at home. (My friend has three, but i haven't asked her). Would you just let all two or three live there with no contribution at all? 4/5 adults living in one house has got to be quite expensive in general running costs and food.

What is?

Yeah it's madness. Maybe I should move back in with my 80 year old mum and keep all my salary. After all she shouldn't take money off me, I'm her kid.

Because this is Mumsnet, where you should do everything to support your children into adulthood including letting them live at home while you bankroll them, act as their personal chauffeur and pay their students loans off. When they do eventually flee the nest you should buy them a house (in zones 1 or 2) or at the very least, gift them a hefty deposit. When they have children of their own you should be available to provide full-time childcare and overnights at the weekend so that your adult DCs can enjoy a well-earned rest. As their children grow, you must offer to pay for their private schooling.

When your own parents sadly pass, any inheritance you receive should pass directly to your DCs. You must live frugally in your twilight years to maximise the inheritance your DCs will receive.

Remember that throughout these years you must not offer any unsolicited advice, kiss your grandchildren, feed them anything with sugar, let them watch TV, choose gifts that may not be to their exacting specifications or have an opinion on any topic whatsoever. Know your place! Your children did not ask to be born. Your role is to serve them until the day you die.