Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

I don't think anybody has said that charging them rent/board/keep, whatever name it gets called, suddenly makes a young adult financially literate, but by the same token neither does teaching them that all they need to do is save and things will turn out great for them. In the end all any parent can do is teach them the best way they can.
As I said upthread there was never a lot of money when DD was younger but by teaching her how to budget, how to prioritise her money and how to save I could, at least, make sure she had a good understanding of potential difficulties facing her in the future. As it turned out (she's now in her early 30's), she has done well and, although her job isn't that well paid, she leads a good life.
There is a lot of talk on various threads about teaching kids "essential life skills", and IMO getting young adults to face up to the financial responsibilities that adulthood brings is doing just that. You, of course, can have a different opinion and that's fine, but I do take exception to to the implication that what I and many others on this thread have chosen to do is somehow harming our children's future and that we are bad parents for daring to to suggest that our DC should contribute something towards the bills when they are in a position to do so.

You yourself have been insufferably smug imo.

I don't think it's charging or not charging rent which is the issue. I think it's how the home is treated by DC. Quite a few of my friends have DC living at home who work a couple of days a week and then seem to have hobbies or basically jump from course to course. There's no restrictions on living at home, some pay towards the costs of the home and others don't. But the point is none actually have any incentive to move out when they can live in a very comfortable home and do their own thing.
I don't believe paying parents whatever gives any financial management skills. I think parents need to be enforcing boundaries at home so they actually want to financially support themselves and move out.

Exactly. My daughter is coming up to the end of her well paying apprenticeship. By asking her for 10% of her take home pay for ‘housekeeping’ has certainly not disadvantaged her at all. She has thousands saved whilst some of her friends who are working full time have zero money saved, out every weekend peeing their money down the drain and don’t pay their parents ‘housekeeping’. It’s the whole notion of charging our kids ‘housekeeping’ will disadvantage them that grinds my gears. How about it might actually be the mindset of that particular child to waste their money no matter what us as parents do.

If and when my daughter decides to go it alone, and if we can give her some money to help her in one way or another, then I 100% will do. Life gets in the way doesn’t it? My husband’s job was put on hold for six months as the factory burnt down. Then shortly after the company found an alternative factory my husband had a mini stroke at age 43. He was off work for two months, couldn’t drive for six months as he lost his peripheral vision in his right eye, and couldn’t do overtime or nighshift due to him having to rely on colleagues for lifts. So basically that was nearly a whole year of financial strain for us that obviously wasn't factored in nor we saw coming. Then Covid hit.. life happens that unfortunately puts plans on the back foot.

Exactly sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you think it will.

Exactly. And that’s the point I have been trying to say, although not always eloquently. With the best will in the world, things happen that sets you back, catches you off guard and can nearly break you. We’ve had a few life ‘lessons’ that have nearly broke me and my husband up. We have had some really very difficult times that have pushed us to the very edge. My daughter has witnessed some of those. But we have soldiered on and are still together 21 years later. I think my daughter seeing some of our struggles has made her realise life isn’t rosy and all sunshine days. I’ve also instilled into her about putting money away, not to get into debt and not to be wasteful etc. It drives me insane when she wastes money on food then leaves it. But it’s her money and she will learn one day. As least she’s not wasting it going out every weekend as likes to constantly remind me 🙂

I’ve said in previous posts that I’m not directing this thread at people who have faced unfortunate circumstances, more people who can but won’t help their kids.

I've helped my DD plenty. She gets min loan and I top up her rent and give her an allowance. She has a part time job. Her housemates don't because their parents give them larger allowances. Daft!

If she moves home, I'll carry on helping her by charging a fraction of what she'd pay for a house share and leasing her my car (she'll cover insurance, road tax & servicing).

That'll leave her plenty of money to save.

I've debated and stated my opnion in a very polite way which is more than can be said for a couple of you who disagree with me.
Why the 'mummy' sneer? Or are we just going to ignore that?

I just find it a bit pathetic when parents clearly don't trust their adult off spring to save money themselves so have to secretly do it for them thst doesn't teach them ti be financially independent does it ?

You do you. At 16 I had a part time job and have my parents £30 a month. When I had a full time job I paid £200 a month and it helped with their council tax. I earned 3x my dad's wage straight out of uni. The rest of my wages were mine and I had the better deal. It taught me a lot and I'm grateful to mum and dad. I certainly never expected them to save that money and return it to me.

My own kids are little yet but when the time comes I absolutely will expect them to contribute financially to our household should they live here past 18.

I think it's weird but I'm financially comfortable enough to not have to think about things like 25% extra council tax and don't receive any benefits.

I don't think it teaches responsibility. I wasn't charged a penny when I lived at home and somehow still understood that life involves bills and it's good to save.

No but it's their choice there's nothing pathetic about it. Ours save just fine but I wouldn't judge anyone who took it off them as 'rent' , saved it then gave them it back, so what if it gives them a lump sum?

Meanwhile in the real word, many young adults working pay dig money. I paid it, all my friends paid it .I thought this was Normal. When my kids start work, they will pay it too. Obviously not if they choose full time education.

'Meanwhile in the real word, many young adults working pay dig money'

We're all in the real world, many teens working do not pay towards their parents bills. As long as we're all happy with our choices that's all that matters. I do feel sorry for the kids who give parents some of their uni loan though, seems crap they'll have debt to pay back and a chunk of it went to to their own parents .

I wouldn't do that but I’m not going to judge as it may be the only way they could go. Uni is getting to be for rich kids now as they're being priced out with tutor fees, student acc etc.

Do you mean you were an adult working full time and chose not to contribute?

What, as oppose to having a debt to pay when a chunk went to a student landlord, charging extortionate rent for often substandard accommodation?

Agree completely, OP. But I'm from a different cultural background and never even heard of such a thing, prior to visiting the UK.

It's greedy and immoral, profiting from your own kids. At 17? Jesus. But not at any age. Them covering part of the bills/food if the parents are hard up - fine, but rent? Especially if the house is owned, not rented? Unheard of, back home. The parents would be universally willified as greedy cunts, if such a thing came out.

I completely understand charging when the parents are struggling, and the 18+ kids are working and can contribute to the household. That's just a family pulling together. I get that.

What I think is plain weird is charging your kids rent to 'teach them a lesson' and then giving them the money back when they move out. The only thing that teaches them is that you'll always magically bail them out with a lump sum of money. What am I missing?

DS is at uni so no I don't charge him rent or " dog money" as it's called. I won't charge him when starts working as I think he will need every penny for a deposit

Dig money not dog money!

Idon't see how parents returning rent to adult children when they move out, has any bearing on their child's attitude to saving?

It teaches them not to worry about money because their parents will randomly give them a pile of cash when they aren't expecting it.

It doesn't teach them that if they don't save, they won't have any money. It teaches them whatever they do, they will have money.

It's ok -I completely agree with you! My mother wasn't fair and on reflection I want to do things differently with my children. If we ask for any contributions, it will be a small percentage and we will also be encouraging them to save.

My edit was for spelling typos

My son is saving as well.

Why shouldn't he have some money back when he moves out

Dm did the same for me. I was always a saver anyway regardless of this