Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

😂this is classic. Thank you @Anonym00se for a chuckle.

One of my DSs is looking for a job back in our area after he graduates this Summer. If he is successful I would expect him to move back home at least initially but I have no intention of providing him with free board and lodging. I won't be trying to make a profit out of him but as a wage earning adult I will expect him to contribute to the running of the household by covering the costs of his food and a proportion of the utility bills etc. Obviously it will be less than the cost of a private rental, as it won't cost me a massive amount more to have another person in the house and I do want him to be able to save for a deposit. We've got plenty of space and it makes sense for him to live here and save rather than spending on rent, but I'm not having him revert to behaving like a child again - if he's earning he can contribute. I didn't pay his sister's bills after she graduated and moved into a flat with her boyfriend. It would hardly be fair to finacially support one child because they want to work in this locality and not the other who has chosen to live in a different part of the country.
I never asked them for anything whilst students even when they've had part time jobs, but once they're in full-time employment they need to take responsibility for themselves, wherever they're living.

My neighbour's ds lived at home for 6 years after graduation- his parents charged him rent , saved it and handed it back to him to put a deposit down on a 2 bed flat in an expensive area. They helped him with furniture, decorating etc the young man continued to drop back home to get his washing done and eat dinner most evenings he wasn’t out with his friends. One evening he had a brainwave - he could move back home and rent his flat out and make even more money - they finally put their foot down and told him at aged 30 he needed to be independent and wasn’t moving back home. Some kids just keep taking and at some point parents are entitled to say no - you’ve had enough now - stop being greedy, stand on your own two feet.

My son pays us rent. If he didn't we wouldn't be able to afford him living at home. Rent around here is so high he can't afford to rent

It's not profiteering and I'd say 99.9% aren't actually charging rent at all. It's board or lodge, a contribution towards their share of food, heating, water etc. All of which cost more the more people you have the house. Why wouldn't an adult earning an income pay their share?

The parents would be universally willified as greedy cunts, if such a thing came out.

Really classy culture you come from ...

When I met dh - English by the way - he was sending his parents money monthly, my family were buying my parents cars, kitchens, bathrooms etc - giving back to our parents for raising us - not standing with our hands out expecting our parents to give us more. Leeching off your parents would have been more likely to have you labelled as a greedy and lazy. Times seem to have changed when a culture now expects parents to pay for their kids food and lodgings into their 20s and 30s and if not the parents are greedy cunts - it’s a bit twisted.

I get where you're coming from, but there's a counterpoint to consider. In today's world, the financial landscape has changed dramatically. Many young adults face student debt, high living costs, and a competitive job market that makes it difficult to achieve financial independence right away.

Parents helping their kids can be seen as a way of helping them navigate these challenges. It’s about creating a safety net that allows young adults to thrive without the immediate pressure of financial burdens. Instead of labeling parents who choose to help as privileged, it might be worth recognising that they’re providing crucial support during a time when the economic environment is tougher than ever. This creates a foundation for future generations to support one another.

Parents who don’t set their kids up financially may not be fully fulfilling their role as caregivers. A significant part of parenting is to provide not just emotional support but also a foundation that enables children to thrive in the world. When parents fail to prepare their children for financial independence—whether through education, savings, or teaching financial literacy—they risk perpetuating a generational cycle of poverty. Just as they don’t have a lot of money (certainly not enough money to help their young adult children) their kids won’t either. And so forth.

Not charging adult children rent while they’re pursuing education or starting their careers can be a way to alleviate immediate financial burdens. This allows them to save money and invest in their futures instead of struggling to make ends meet, which many of us and our kids are. That’s a stressful life as so many of these posts have pointed out. Additionally, if parents set aside a portion of those savings for their kids, it can serve as a financial cushion when they eventually move out or face unexpected expenses. No, this is not infantilising your children but rather ensuring they can never fall too hard off the horse. By equipping our children with these tools and resources, parents can help ensure that the next generation (our grandkids) have a better chance at breaking this cycle and achieving a more secure future.

I grew up poor, my Mum was a single parent living in a council house. As soon as I could, 13, I had a paperound and gave 30% of my income to the family pot. Then a job in a chip shop.

I think what it taught me is that when you work you contribute to the family unit. If everyone who can works and contributes then the load is lightened and living standard for the family can be raised.

Your post seems to me very one way, all about money and knowledge being imparted onto a child. To me there is also an importance of teaching children the responsibility of being within a family unit whether supporting their siblings by being kind, age appropriate chores like keeping your own bedroom clean and not leaving a mess behind you ot contributing to family pot when earning.

I do own and am much better off than my mother at the same age.

“Parents who don’t set their kids up financially may not be fully fulfilling their role as caregivers. A significant part of parenting is to provide not just emotional support but also a foundation that enables children to thrive in the world. When parents fail to prepare their children for financial independencewhether through education, savings, or teaching financial literacythey risk perpetuating a generational cycle of poverty. Just as they don’t have a lot of money (certainly not enough money to help their young adult children) their kids won’t either. And so forth.

Not charging adult children rent while they’re pursuing education or starting their careers can be a way to alleviate immediate financial burdens. This allows them to save money and invest in their futures instead of struggling to make ends meet, which many of us and our kids are. That’s a stressful life as so many of these posts have pointed out. Additionally, if parents set aside a portion of those savings for their kids, it can serve as a financial cushion when they eventually move out or face unexpected expenses. No, this is not infantilising your children but rather ensuring they can never fall too hard off the horse. By equipping our children with these tools and resources, parents can help ensure that the next generation (our grandkids) have a better chance at breaking this cycle and achieving a more secure future.”

^^ this is a bit gobbledygook really. Cycles of generational poverty are not broken by allowing your kids to stay at home rent free. Having adults live rent free will increase parental poverty due to the way the benefits system works and the transition away from receiving benefits for dependents once they reach 18. It's also very unlikely that kids raised in poverty will save enough to buy a house.
What savings are parents putting aside while not charging rent? They'd better be careful as again benefits are impacted by savings at a fairly low level.

Love this.

I'm always talking about how my two DC and I are ‘a great team’. We chose our current house together when my ex divorced. The financial remedy judge counted child benefit and pip as my salary when (in my opinion unfairly) dividing finances, which means as soon as they're adult I lose a lot of money and literally have £10 left each month to buy food. I either need DC to replace the lost ‘income’ or I need to rent their room. If I don't, I lose the family home.

Its creating a safety net that allows SOME young adults to 'thrive' if by thrive you mean gaining a financial advantage over other young adults who's parents don't have the means to do the same. Which may well be a gain on an individual level, but is actually damaging on a societal one. It excacerbates the issues of wealth inequality, which harm us all (I want to live in a society where those in the most influential positions are those most able, not those from the wealthiest families) and protects a system of high living costs. It's beyond ridiculous that we've arrived at a point where a young person working full time cannot be financially independent. Even more so that you see the viable answer to that being their parents keeping them into adulthood rather than a push for social and economic change.

Please do not suggest that people who can’t help their kids financially are in some way “failing” their children.

Many of us, especially single parents, have gone without on an almost epic scale to solely provide for our children, and I refuse to have someone like you try and make me feel bad because I would need to charge keep from a working adult.

This thread has been an eye opener in privilege and lack of knowledge, from a belief that at 18 you “only lose CB” when many of us lose UC, CMS and council tax support, to me being told not to discourage my DD From going to uni because I can’t afford it (which I haven’t) to suggestions that those of us who can’t afford it are “profiteering” from our children or expecting them to “pay our bills” because we would have to pay them anyway.

It’s all very well having these ideas when there are two of you, or you are financially secure, but it doesn’t work that way.

I love my children and I’ve provided for them the whole time, but unfortunately I can’t just decide to be rich one morning.

Also I come from an incredibly poor childhood. I was set up to be savvy financially in the knowledge that I needed a job, things cost money and I needed to contribute

There was no saving my keep to give me, it was needed so we could pay the bills. My children also know things cost money and that I need to pay for them.

No, I can’t save keep up to present to them, but they will leave home knowing life isn’t a free ride and there isn’t always a pot of gold at the end supplied by mummy

'I grew up poor, my Mum was a single parent living in a council house. As soon as I could, 13, I had a paperound and gave 30% of my income to the family pot.'

So many people grew up poor. To take money from a paper round though seems exceptionally harsh. Must have been what, 2 quid?

We can teach our kids how to manage finances without taking money from them (unless you've lost UC, CB, UC, HB and are on the breadline so need more income). Generally though we don't need money from them.

'they will leave home knowing life isn’t a free ride and there isn’t always a pot of gold at the end supplied by mummy'

There we have the 'Mummy' sneer again. Ours know life isn't a free ride with a pot of gold. They put in their own petrol, pay for car running costs buy their own clothes etc etc all the stuff we did pre uni/work. Just not our bills. It balances out.

I guess you have never had to live month to month ?
Sometimes people are so skint at the end of the month they have nothing left at all this may be mind blowing to you
But if someone is thst poor they have to take a cut of their child's paper round it might be the difference in them eating that day or not.

And there's that privilege again
Theu are hardly learning about financial matters by putting petrol into their own car or buying their own clothes ( too bloody right )

It isn't mind blowing at all. We have to manage our money like everyone else but paper round money is absolutely peanuts. To take that from a dc is wrong, I think you probably agree but won't admit it. If things are that tight that you're taking money from a 13 years old they'll be on UC/HB/free school meals etc and other benefits anyway. An extra 2quid will not make a kind bit of difference to anyone other than the poor kid.

Why aren't they? We used to run their cars now they do. We used to buy their clothes now they do, we used to give them weekly dinner money now they pay for their own. They just don't pay towards our bills? We're actually better off tbh.

Your not getting it are you ?
I have never been in a position where I have has to take money of my teen but I have had very little money left at the end of the.month ,kids can't eat fresh air and a couple of quid can make the difference of eating or not eating if you have no money and no food.

Parents who don’t set their kids up financially may not be fully fulfilling their role as caregivers. A significant part of parenting is to provide not just emotional support but also a foundation that enables children to thrive in the world

You have not one clue. Not one. Sitting in your ivory tower. Dual income household? No illness? No disability?

Some of us got divorced, suffered abuse, saved our own lives. Worked three jobs to provide when the so-called father pissed about with self employment to avoid any responsibility. Wore one pair of shoes at a time till they had holes in. Had a once a year haircut.

My children have had everything they needed - a warm home, food on the table, activities, simple holidays, theatre visits and days out. The learnt what hard work was by watching me. One at uni, one who will go this year, another who will do an apprenticeship.

According to people like you, I have failed as a parent because I charge a reasonable rent to continue to live in the family home. So be it. I did everything - and more - a parent could do. So fuck your bigotry, your small mindedness and the inability to recognise that shit happens to many people who do their best in sometimes impossible circumstances. We are amazing parents, successful, worldly wise with compassion and understanding. It's that which our children need to thrive in the world. Or maybe better said, what the world needs to thrive.

Firstly, I wasn’t the one who gave their mum paper round money, however, my parents were on the breadline, I had a weekend job from 15 and I willingly paid my mum some money.
It’s called being a decent person. We have also continued as a family to prop my mum up financially at periods since.

Im going to guess that your claim that your children take over the running costs for their car, means that at some point you paid for it? Here’s a shocker, I can’t pay for my DD to learn to drive, I can’t afford to buy her first car, nor pay to insure it or look after it.

I manage my money, you seem to feel if we just manage money “better” then it would all be fine. I can’t manage money I don’t have.

You seem to be somewhat determined to show you know my finances, and others, much better than we do? I’m going to guess you are married and you and your husband have good jobs?

Try to grasp the concept of life not being like that, single parent, one wage, benefits to top it up. That is the reality for many, and then when you lose that money, as in my case £600, but your bills are all still there, the same, how exactly do you just pay them?

I can manage money but guarantee that what I lose will not be gained by not paying for the bus

Actually there it is “we used to run their cars”

Now imagine how some of us couldn’t do that in the first place.