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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

388 replies

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 04:40

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
FriendlyEeyore · 14/02/2025 13:48

cakeorwine · 14/02/2025 11:45

I wonder what the reaction would be if a comedian picked on a trans person in the audience?

Both the reaction in the audience and if that person had commented on here?

Imagine the reaction here if the comedian had been trans?

2JFDIYOLO · 14/02/2025 15:45

Hotel reviews do get noted - leave reviews of the venue on Tripadvisor etc, saying what happened, that the hotel hosted a misogynistic bully of a 'comedian'

Tricho · 14/02/2025 15:46

Yes. Ring 999 right now.

🙄

VeryDeepEverything · 14/02/2025 16:26

Tricho · 14/02/2025 15:46

Yes. Ring 999 right now.

🙄

Which is nothing close to what op is saying, so is just you stopping by to offer some disdain. 👍

Abitlosttoday · 14/02/2025 16:33

Justsayit123 · 14/02/2025 05:13

What about writing to the comedian and tell him what he did, how your felt and the impact, it left job etc. hopefully he will feel bad for being a prick. I don’t think there’s any value in contacting the police as it was so long ago.

This is a good idea. Copy in his employer.

Redpeach · 14/02/2025 16:37

Cant you give us a clue who it is?

TieredCafe · 14/02/2025 16:41

I can’t believe so many people have been dismissive.

At the very least you should put something on social media about him. How awful for you and I am sorry this happened.

TieredCafe · 14/02/2025 16:48

AnonymousBleep · 14/02/2025 11:07

The incels seem to be out today.

I am shocked. When I read the OP, it was a black-and-white one for me. The comedian was disgusting and he should be shamed. I don’t care if it was six years ago or 60. My mind was blown when I saw so many responses telling her to ignore it.

What hope do we have? And if any of these posters are parents, shame on them. They will be passing on these abhorrent views to their sons and daughter.

OuterSpaceCadet · 14/02/2025 16:53

Misogynists target Mumsnet in lots of ways. Doxxing, vexatious reporting, child abuse images, AI images of injuries. This is just another way.

Women speaking to each other freely is threatening to those who wish to keep us as an underclass.

Naunet · 14/02/2025 16:55

Tricho · 14/02/2025 15:46

Yes. Ring 999 right now.

🙄

Stop being dramatic, op has made no suggestion she wants to report this to the police. I hope you've never expected any kindness when or if you ever get publicly humiliated.

OP he was a cunt, its bullying, but I do think it should have been mentioned at the time or short afterwards (although i understans why you didnt). A review now though couldn't hurt.

Notimeforaname · 14/02/2025 17:04

No, it's not illegal to make rude jokes or poke fun, especially at a comedy gig.

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 17:15

Notimeforaname · 14/02/2025 17:04

No, it's not illegal to make rude jokes or poke fun, especially at a comedy gig.

This wasn’t fun it was just sexual harassment.

NiftyKoala · 14/02/2025 17:16

Who would you report him to and for what?

DollydaydreamTheThird · 14/02/2025 17:56

VeryDeepEverything · 14/02/2025 16:26

Which is nothing close to what op is saying, so is just you stopping by to offer some disdain. 👍

Edited

Yeah piss off back to reddit@Tricho. No need whatsoever for that comment.

TimeConsuming · 15/02/2025 17:53

Dehumanising, objectifying and mocking you is not flattering!

06230villefrancesurmer · 15/02/2025 17:54

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 04:40

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

Unfortunately for you that ship has sailed

MzMazzaa · 15/02/2025 18:01

Oh how awful for you. I totally understand how you feel. I remember going to see a well known comedian live and my then husband had got tickets on the front row which I wasn't aware of. My ex hubby set me up to targeted. I was wearing a short dress (back then I was slim and good figure). It was gift from my ex. Anyway the comedian picked on me, stating that I was wearing no underwear and he could see and smell me from where he. (I was wearing underwear). I was horrified. The whole show I was picked on randomly. He was known to do this. I wanted to go home but my ex was happy to have me targeted.

Unfortunately a lot of comedians do this, it is bullying and I know that if it happened to me now I wouldn't put up with or I would answer back to take heat off me.
Big hugs, try and put this to the back of your mind as one of your not so good experiences. Also do leave a review as that may help xxx

schtompy · 15/02/2025 18:07

If he’s well known, most people who go to see him will know full well what he’s like. You were unfortunate to not know. But it’s too late to complain now. Move on with your life, chalk it up to life experience.

HeidInTheBaw · 15/02/2025 18:10

He’s a pig! None of this is your fault.

asrl78 · 15/02/2025 18:10

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 14/02/2025 05:29

I don’t think you can report it. Doesn’t sound illegal just not nice and what would a hotel do about something from 6 years ago.

I'm not so sure. Making sexual comments to a woman and directly projecting her towards other men as a sex object may well come under a sex offence. I wouldn't fancy my chances in court if I tried that on a woman in public, and I doubt comedians are somehow exempt from the law. The days when that was classed as good humour are well behind us and some people really need to be kicked out of the 1970's or whatever decade that sort of shit was deemed fair game.

Personally if it were six years ago I would let it go and get on with the rest of my life. The police aren't going to care, even if they did they haven't the resources or the evidence to pursue it. The time to make a formal complaint was asap after the incident.

Mellowbear · 15/02/2025 18:14

You should have complained at the time sadly so you really need to try and move on from it xx

Finallybackinbootcuts · 15/02/2025 18:25

NiftyKoala · 14/02/2025 17:16

Who would you report him to and for what?

Well trying to force a woman to jump up and down so the men in the audience can ogle her bouncing boobs probably counts as bullying.

The hotel manager would be the person to complain to but it probably to late now if it was 6 years ago.

Fam23 · 15/02/2025 18:26

Was it Frankie Boyle? He’s always been crude and seems to enjoy pointing out other people’s flaws. I guess you could email the hotel but not sure if it would make any difference.

Susan7654 · 15/02/2025 18:37

He is misogynistic prick. Definately leave him a review and shame him. What if he does it to other woman...no ifs...he 100% does. Be brave abd say something. I would! You will feel so much better :)

Hwi · 15/02/2025 18:39

First of all, what do you expect of the Bernard Manning-like set up and why do you go there?