To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

[Redspottyfrog]

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

Yes you can report him and no you are not unreasonable to be upset. However the police will do very little. Trying to get an actual court order enforced to protect me from an ex partner’s abusive behaviour and the police have been pretty useless so far so sadly the system is not there to help. Unless a journalist is involved, the person is a celebrity and there is an actual existing investigation.
I am sorry.

May not be a crime but it's gross and not even funny. Shit 'comedian'.

I worked in a hotel years ago and met a famous comedian. I asked him for his autograph and he gave it to me. I looked at it and he’d written his name along with “suppose a shag’s out of the question?”

You didn’t overreact and you not have been flattered.

Having said that it probably is too late for a complaint. A complaint made the day after or even that week would have been better.

Part of the act or not he should have gauged your reaction and not continued to target you.

It is more humiliating than a comedian pointing out a lack of boobs (distressing as that would be) as it’s reducing you to nothing more than a pair of boobs and inviting all the men in the audience to both ogle and laugh at you.

If you don’t like it, don’t go, you can’t censor everything in the world in case someone doesn’t like it. I don’t agree with what the ‘comedian’ did btw.

And six years later?

You need to report him for your own peace of mind because six years later it is still eating at you. He sexually harassed you in a hugely public manner and then enlisted audience members to do the same. Report those a--**too. You will not have been the only woman he did this to over the course of his career. Post it publicly, on different forums, send to female entertainment reporters, ask if any other woman was treated in this manner by this comic. Chances are good someone has recorded this ersatz routine of his sometime, somewhere. PR Blitz it. He will not be able to deny he did it. Body shaming women is part of this misogynist's routine.

Op that was a horrible experience for you. I think one day he will get his comeuppance - what goes around comes around! Try and put it behind you, remember your worth a million times more than him.

I don't think you can do anything now but I think your employer of the time is responsible for putting you in that position. And they should have complained on your behalf and apologised to you.

For a start, I don't think anyone is saying you had no right to be upset. It was upsetting and embarrassing for you, clearly.
But sadly, you're on a hiding to nothing 6 years down the line. Yes, you can leave a scathing review. But sending a letter will probably bull him up more, thinking that he's got to someone! Your complaint won't bother him in the least if he's that pig ignorant!

Just as a matter of interest, how long into the show was it before he targeted you? I'm only asking because if he'd been doing that to other women from the off, I'd have got up and gone back to my hotel room until he had finished his "act". Possibly complaining at reception as I went.
And if it had been me, in the first 5 minutes I would have probably judged that his humour wasn't for me and actually left anyway. There would have been nothing stopping you doing that.
But hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I've seen this kind of thing before, people quite happily laughing along at others discomfort, until the focus is suddenly on them!
I think you do need to move on and a review on Google/TA/hotel website is really the only recourse you have now 🌹

I'd contact the comedian via email wand let me know exactly what he said, how he made you feel and what a shit joke it was. I'd probably go to town on making it as casually witty as I could and roast him whilst also getting the point across. If you get a rude response then there's something more recent you could actually report to the hotel. But that's me and I would get more satisfaction out of that than reporting it to the hotel who will likely do nothing when it's so long ago and there's no proof.

Of course, if you want to report him to tick that box then go ahead as long as you're happy to accept it probably won't achieve anything.

He sounds absolutely vile and is probably still making shit jokes - sorry you had to go through that and sorry it's still on your mind years later. What a prick

*and let him

Your way overthinking this jesus it was a comedy show maybe you should of googled it before you went you can't just try ruin someone's life because you felt uncomfortable at slapstick comedy it made you feel uncomfortable and you left that was that if anything you should of said something to your colleagues who failed to see if you was upset that would've upset me more and furthermore there are certain celebrity being attacked which are actusl lies so you can't just go all out for justice because there's non to have you could however email this comedian or the place he works at explain what happened and how it made you feel and see if you get a response although I wouldn't hold my breathe

If you don’t like it, don’t go, you can’t censor everything in the world in case someone doesn’t like it. I don’t agree with what the ‘comedian’ did btw.

Writing a bad review isn't censorship. It's using the same freedom the guy used, to say what she thinks.

He was vile, look at it this way, if a stranger you passed in the street spoke to you this way it would be seen by most reasonable people as verbal harassment. Where it all goes a bit off is the fact this was a public show and sadly some people find this sort of stuff hilarious. You stayed true to yourself and walked out, well done, some people (and I am not blaming them ) would have been rooted to the spot with shock or would just have gone along with it to keep the peace. Many years ago I went with my then partner to a pub which had a local "comedian" who most thought was very funny but all his crap was misogynistic and really crude (and I mean crude), He picked on every woman and made horrible comments about their bodies and everyone cackled away . No comments about the men. We never went there again, not even for drink on ordinary non-performance nights. As some have suggested maybe talk to someone about the fact that you still think about it. Sadly this sort of stuff still goes on

It’s sexual harassment which is a crime

He is a dick

But then so are the 3 blokes who joined in

And all the people who laughed at him

Ideally, evryone in the audience would shout boo....get off...heckle

Know any jokes mate?

That is the only thing to stop these pillocks

Surely a comedian is there to tell jokes?

Not humiliate and ridicule women for having breasts

I would have been mortified if that happened to me

No you did NOT over react. Your feelings were and are very valid.

He was pathetic, crude and misogynistic. Clearly a shitty comedian of that's how he gets his laughs.

You have a fabulous DH who did what you needed him to do. That's what you need to take away from this. No matter how awful that man was. Which he was.

This. It’s sexual abuse and I’m not surprised you are still troubled by it. Seek advice - I hope you are ok.

Horrible experience but so long ago, just forget it

I am really pleased you walked out; you put a boundary in; it was a way of saying, “you’re not objectifying me you misogynistic asshole!”. Well done.

I’m sorry you were so objectified by him; it’s a really horrible feeling to be treated as an object and you are not overreacting at all. I think that might play on my mind still.

I remember coming across a male when I was in my 20s who kept saying really crude things to me. I tried arguing and eventually hit him and I regret it to this day. I wish I had walked away like you did! (Honestly I bet he felt a bit of a dick after you walked out).

Also can you ever imagine a female comedian asking a man to stand up and jump around so three women could objectify him and stare at his penis? It really is a strange world we live in

This. Will have much more of an impact.

Plus the man is a thick moron. He's too much of an idiot to be original.