To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

[Redspottyfrog]

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

6 years is a long time in comedy - I would be surprised if he still does that in his act now, because it is so last decade. Maybe think of yourself as a pioneer, and ahead of the curve, by being one of the first to decide that this kind of behavior had had its day when you voted with your feet and walked out. Any action now, I suspect, would just be met with a comment such as, he has changed his style. However, if you wanted to get it out of your head, and put it to rest, a letter of apology could just work. I am sure if you were to write to the hotel say that you were upset and embarrassed by the guy 6 years ago at a works do then they would happily obtain a letter of apology from him, that might just have a positive affect on you and your memory of the night. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I had very, very similar at a work conference evening event some years ago weirdly! Wonder if it was the same guy -I can't remember who it was, but he was shit and boring as well as crude. To me, it wasn't about tits but about making me stand up and twirl for the men (in a more crude way but I can't remember what he said to be honest). I obviously didn't do it and just sat there not laughing (like the majority of the audience to be honest). I was comforted by the fact that his crap act was much more embarrassing than what he said to me! Personally, I'd put it in the past and move on. He's a sad twat with crap jokes, you have nice tits and a great husband.

IMO you should have complained at the time, if at all. I hate it when women come out years later and say all sorts of things happened many years ago - how can anyone prove anything but celebrities lives can be completely ruined just by being named. I was at a party that J Saville was at, I could easily make something up but would never contemplate doing so.

And they are still about today. I went to a drag night a few months ago and one of the acts picked on my friend's adult DD who happens to be rather large-breasted. She got slightly embarrassed, but wasn't overly upset. The rest of her family laughed and it was all taken as a bit of fun, but obviously this sort of comedy isn't to everyone's taste.

Usually you know what type of act it will be - if you don’t like it dont go. Everyone’s entitled to their own taste in humour.

I think your employer was at fault for organising the do. It’s harassment. Will men ever realise we don’t choose our body shape. The fact you felt humiliated and then left your job is significant. However, I think it is too late to do anything about it.

It was a works do so really she was pressured to attend.

Yeah I'd do this. I hate this sort of crudity, it used to happen a lot in the 80s & 90s when I used to go out, if I'd had the opportunity to leave reviews I'd have have done it in a heartbeat. I'd have haunted that tosser online until everyone knew what he was like!! But I can bear a grudge til the day I die ( or until they die 😉)

I think it is too late to do much now but I would leave reviews all over the internet outlining what he said to you. At least that way, people can make an informed decision whether to buy tickets for his gig or not.

But she could have walked out, she wasn't locked in the room if it was at a hotel? That's what I would have done once it became clear what his act was.
I honestly don't know what sort of company would have found this acceptable entertainment these days! Surely they did some research?!
I'm not a prude at all, but there are limits and this would have been my limit!

You haven't overacted. He humiliated you and everyone joined in. You should report it to the hotel. It might not make a difference but if enough people complained it might.

Careful @Teddybear23, you are dangerously close to coming across as a victim blaming misogynist.

Yuck, what a horrible creep

I think you should write to the hotel...
You can say you are not expecting the hotel make any gestures to you, in any way, but think that it is important that they and the comedian understand the impact his act had on you and the potential impact it has on many other women, who feel unable to share how it makes them feel... that women's bodies are not simply there to be used for the amusement and gratification of men and that we need to change the narrative about how men see women. He and the hotel should feel ashamed of how they treat women rather than women feel shame for their experiences - in the words of Giselle Pelicot - it is time for shame to change sides.

...and this is what the snowflake, cancel culture breeds. Id much rather live back then than now

Someone must of recorded it?!

Horrid experience but no crime has been committed. Would you report every cat call from a group of men?

Put an online review up with an outline of what he did- make it third person if you want. At least you have forewarned women in the audience.

He's a twat, but I personally would move on and forget about it.

Was it the c l a r e m o n t by any chance?

You didn't over react, that situation was horrendous and intimidating and in front of colleagues too. I would complain to the hotel. Give a full account of the incident, then it's their call what happens next. At the very least he will be warned about his behaviour. You never know, there might be others who have complained and it builds a stronger case.

I would also say in your email that sexism reflects badly on their business, and by employing him they are endorsing a culture of sexism and discrimination against women.

It's not flattery, it's not a harmless joke it's supporting a culture of sexism which in worse case scenarios can endanger women.

I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this x

This.

What? What does it breed?

PS Are you a man?

45% of people who responded to the poll think you are being unreasonable to be upset by sexual harassment. Sigh

No, I don't think she's unreasonable to be upset, it sounds like a horrible experience.
I just think what would you be reporting if you went to the police?
Dickheads shouting out rude remarks isn't a crime.