Single mum 45k a year in south east but just scraping by?

[Plantball]

There was a time I once thought a household income after tax of 45k meant a comfortable life. I am a single mum of two young kids in the south east. Rent alone is 18k of the money gone. I feel like I’m merely existing. Running a car, council tax, gas, electricity, food, kids clothes, shoes, clubs…

The money just doesn't go far. I know I am fortunate compared so many and I’m not pleading poverty. Just feeling very flat at never being able to better our life.

Thank goodness the government gives you £1.2k a month! You can’t afford the swimming lessons.

@Jackiepumpkinhead oh dear, completely missing the point, op has been open about her financial situation, now you’re using that against her.
If wasn’t Op wasn’t a single parent with 2 young children, she wouldn’t be getting this financial support.

My point is she is incredibly fortunate to live in a country that pays her £1.2k a month! If she wants to spend over a third of that money on swimming lessons, then that’s up to her. But don’t complain about the cost of living.

She doesn’t. She spends £400 a term, ie every three months. I make that £133 a month.

@Jackiepumpkinhead What l don’t understand, is why are some people angry, that a single parent is getting financial support.Single parents and parents on a low income have always had financial support, for many decades, this is not a new thing.So why the anger now?

Contents insurance doesn't cost that much and is really important!

You beat me @BIossomtoesabout to write the same

making sure her children are safe in water and learn how to swim is to me a vital necessity

@Plantball is hardly down the pub sinking cocktails and doubles with her uc

she’s spending the child part of uc on her children. What a nice mum

No anger here, just baffled by the entitlement.

Still a luxury, plus the expensive food she buys. She can spend her wages and benefits on whatever she chooses, but don’t plead poverty when you’re leading a better lifestyle than many people right now.

There is no entitlement in admitting you’re struggling to raise two children single handed on a mediocre income.

Just to say that moving costs a lot of money, even if you sell everything you can and move the absolute minimum, it's still expensive.

They have to be the most essential thing. Swimming is a life skill. If you think that's not important, up to you.

On an income £42k after tax, massively topped up by benefits. Are you OK?

Fine, if she considers that essential then she can’t complain about ‘barely existing’. Her post is short sighted.

How much difference do you think £133 a month would make? Your posts are sanctimonious.

A huge difference. Your posts are entitled and deluded.

So now I’m entitled as well as OP. Is everyone who disagrees with you entitled?

Swimming lessons were one of the things I hung on to for DD when we were struggling a bit financially. No regrets.
I think, as often happens with these posts, is that we have an idea of what a reasonable income looks like and how we in theory should be able to live. Horrible truth is that real life is much more expensive and we end up bouncing along the bottom financially. One might be able to cut little bits here and there from the budget, but they are rarely life changing savings.

She's on the equivalent of a pretax salary of around 58K.

@Jackiepumpkinhead Have you got children?
Are you a single parent.If you think op has a better lifestyle than you, then check the criteria for universal credit.Personally l don’t claim UC, but from what l can gather, it’s not as easy to get as some people think.If you’re on a low income and a single parent, you’re more likely to fit the criteria.

No wonder this country is a mess. Why isn’t Dad paying £300 a week to support his kids. Why is the state picking up this bill?

People who don’t appreciate the generous benefits system of this country are entitled, I think you fall into that category. Don’t forget, I also said you were deluded.

He’s paying £1000 a month. 🤷‍♀️

I’d be sending them off to their father at a prearranged time and day. You don’t get to opt out of parenting your own children. I would refuse to have my children fulltime if I ever divorced. Why should I do all the slogging? Send them to their father and go back to work full time because once those children hit 18 years old you’ll lose everything but your income.

Oh @ConsuelaHammock you're so naive, I wish this was how life worked! If only OP could just pop the kids on a flight to whichever country their father is in, track him down, and wag her finger at him. He would, of course, apologise profusely and spring into action. He'd look after the children and abide by child contact times. Everything would be fine, OP just needs to "have a stern word".

In reality, men do exactly as they please. My child's father actually agreed to weekend contact so I could take on extra weekend work to supplement my shitty full time wage and the paltry £20 per week child maintenance he paid. I know, I was a lucky bugger!
Anyway, fast forward a few months and he decides he doesn't want to sacrifice his precious weekends anymore. He ignores all messages and doesn't pick the child up when he is supposed to.
I pop little one on the bus and we go to his house. I stand there knocking on the door, no answer. Banging on the door. No answer. Neighbours all curtain twitching wondering what is going on. Still no answer. If I carried on standing there banging on the door, someone would have called the police!
Outcome: I had to quit my weekend job. No one else to look after the kid.
Oh and by the way, he later told me he was in the house when we went round, he just refused to answer the door!

That's the long and tedious way of saying: YOU CAN'T FORCE ANOTHER ADULT TO DO SOMETHING THEY DON'T WANT TO DO!

I've put it in capital letters because I see this regularly being said on threads about single parents "just get him to have the kids more and get him to pay more child maintenance".

FATHERS CAN, AND REGULARLY DO, OPT OUT OF PARENTING AND PROVIDING FOR THEIR OWN CHILDREN!

Yes, it's not right. It's impacting on everything. Women being unable to progress in their careers, being unable to increase work hours, having to claim benefit top ups which increases the benefits bill, children not having a male role model, children having a stressed out mum.

It's shit but there's nothing we can do about it. There needs to be a societal shift where sanctions are put in place by those with power.

I haven’t forgotten. Anyone who thinks the benefits system is generous is deluded.