Single mum 45k a year in south east but just scraping by?

[Plantball]

There was a time I once thought a household income after tax of 45k meant a comfortable life. I am a single mum of two young kids in the south east. Rent alone is 18k of the money gone. I feel like I’m merely existing. Running a car, council tax, gas, electricity, food, kids clothes, shoes, clubs…

The money just doesn't go far. I know I am fortunate compared so many and I’m not pleading poverty. Just feeling very flat at never being able to better our life.

£1. 5 in wages isn’t enough. You need to do more hours or find a second job if you want to spend what you do

uc

adult 393
1c 333
2c 287

so 1013 leaving around 185 for rent top up to make £1.2k

renting is dead money but if op bought a house she wouldn’t get any housing costs paid

I’m glad someone said it.

Not this again. MNHQ have made their stance on this quite clear.

@babbi I’m a single parent and have been for more than a decade. I’ve slogged my arse off in a stressful job that paid me a bit more than the OPs net pay for the longest time. Juggling everything, getting on with life by cutting my cloth according to my income level. Not even qualifying for child benefit. I earn more now but I still budget for everything in the way I did when I needed to.

The benefit system is great and I’m pleased to live in a country with a social conscience that cares for those in need, but I’m afraid there’s a disconnect with OP’s lifestyle and her income levels. I’m staggered at that income too up tbh. The X’s conribtuon looks like it is reliable and a reasonable amount. Plenty to cover childcare costs to allow before/after school there. Not pursuing more work because the state tops you up is a huge failing of the system, as a higher rate tax payer I think it’s a piss take.

Has the OP said what sort of house/size she lives in? Wondering if that’s outside her means too.

Maybe OP was used to a very comfortable life before divorce. It must come as a shock to have to budget for things that are assumed to be non negotiable. Especially when the ex is evidently a very high earner.

You use hospitals, the roads, the police etc. Of course you take and use it.

Don't you have council run swimming lessons? They are about £27 a month here. You are better off than many others on UC.

So did I, that’s what’s kept me slogging it out in a stressful job for decades, maintaining the lifestyle I want to have. OP needs to provide for herself now and either adjust her aspirations or upskill (good time to do it when working pt) and earn more cash.

And here begins the benefit bashing.

I think I’ve been misinterpreted somewhat. Not saying I’m on the breadline and can’t afford to live!

I think people spend their money in different ways. All the swimming is the same around here. I can barely swim and I would hate for my kids to have the fear I do. A term I’d from Jan to April for example so it’s not wild over all those months. But obviously there are two kids.

I did not choose to be a single parent, sadly it’s how things worked out. I’m living in a two bed house that’s a bit tired. I think there is a disconnect with some people about the reality of housing costs in the south east.

i physically can not work any more hours at the moment I feel I am already at breaking point with sheer exhaustion. I have no help. I do everything .

Yes there dad is a very high earner and swans around in his life of luxury with zero responsibility while the state is helping fund his children.

45k with the current cost of living in the UK is not a lot of money. People think it is because of the higher tax rate kicking in around £50k, suggesting this is a lot of money. But the tax bands have been frozen for years, and UK wages are notoriously low.

Yes, I know plenty of people earn less than £45k. That doesn’t change the fact that money doesn’t go far, we just accept low / stagnating wages in the UK. Topped up by various benefits, credit cards and Klarna.

The ONS released a report showing that wages grew 33% each decade between 1970-2007, but are now no higher than in 2005. If we’d experienced the same growth since 2007, we’d have had two further decades each averaging a 33% wage increase. As it is, the UK is treading water.

Our wages stagnate, our tax bands are frozen, and we are gaslit into being confused why a £45-50k salary doesn’t go very far.

OP I've been a lone parent for 15 years.

Seems to me the only lever you have here is to focus on career to work your way up or out into another field.

What do you do for work?

@SquashedSquashess it is £45k net.

How many hours do you work OP out of interest?

I also had no support network, did it all on my own etc., etc.. That's just your life right now and whilst it is difficult at times you don't have a choice.

Your X is funding his children though isn't he.

Being a single parent is tough, there's no doubt about that, but moaning on here about a £60k income which is topped up by the state and your X while living a middle class lifestyle doesn't do much for me.

I studied alongside being a single parent, working full time. I work in academia which is not terribly highly paid as a sector but do you know what? I managed to climb up the greasy career pole and increased my income by gaining more qualifications.

Many of my colleagues don't take home as much as you're moaning about, I really do think you need a reality check here.

@TwatOnAHotTinRoof thank you for clarifying! Note to self - RTFT!

That's why the benefits system is crazy.

The benefit system is crazy to give the OP 1.5k which then goes straight into a landlord hands.

sorry 1.2k

I think that the crazy bit is that people lower their aspirations/level/hours in the workplace because the system allows them to do that to max out their benefit entitlement.

@Plantball you're saying "just scraping by" in your title which is blatantly false

£18k a year on rent, you think it's acceptable?

The owners outgoings are not the renters responsibility.

I'm a landlord.

Honestly the naïveté and entitlement of people these days is off the freaking charts.

Yes, your entitlement is ridiculous- expecting a tenant to fund your whole enterprise.

Because child maintenance is not taken into account.

@FjordPrefect Well it should be. Why should the tax payer pick up the bill for high earning fathers who fuck off and leave their kids?

No wonder the country is in such a state and our taxes are so high. The benefits system should be scaled right back. We shouldn't be funding swimming lessons and kids clubs for other peoples kids.

Agree that 45-50k doesn't go far these days, but you'd have to be in the top 10% of earning to be taking that home.

It's all relative - as people usually say when talking about poverty

It's a huge amount of money for someone who only works part-time.

And why not? The system needs bashing.

Too many piss takers like OP. As a higher rate tax payer, I'm pretty sick of it.

@MidnightMeltdown I'm not a higher rate tax payer but I agree.

I work, not entitled to UC & am scraping to afford swimming lessons for my kids or to spend £500/ month on good food.

I feel like my husband and I should separate so he can pay maintenance but I can also claim UC. We'd be so much better off.

Not saying I resent OP having these things- all kids deserve swimming lessons for example, but I do resent her saying she is barely scraping by

@Plantball

Just feeling very flat at never being able to better our life.

I think you may need to practice some gratitude for what you do have instead of (I assume), comparing it to your previous lifestyle with your high earning ex.

If you want to better your life, then you need to make steps to do that yourself.