Single mum 45k a year in south east but just scraping by?

[Plantball]

There was a time I once thought a household income after tax of 45k meant a comfortable life. I am a single mum of two young kids in the south east. Rent alone is 18k of the money gone. I feel like I’m merely existing. Running a car, council tax, gas, electricity, food, kids clothes, shoes, clubs…

The money just doesn't go far. I know I am fortunate compared so many and I’m not pleading poverty. Just feeling very flat at never being able to better our life.

House prices are the result of supply and demand.

People popping out additional humans are those who've created the demand. Don't blame childfree like me.

Well said!

@BeChicLimeCat

Deciding not to have children is not selfish and just because you have children, it does not mean they will, or even should be expected to look after you when you're old - that's selfish.

Also, look at the state of the world, why bring a child into it?

What hogwash, @BeChicLimeCat

A) i have saved £1.2 million after 45 nonstop years in the workforce, and paid at least that in taxes to sub shiftless procreation. My savings, not somebody's offspring, will care for me. And I never benefited from any tax breaks or top ups.

B) Immigrants are more likely than imprudently produced domestic offspring to become productive workers and taxpayers.

Half or more of today's youth won't be net taxpayers. Spare us the sanctimony.

@BeChicLimeCat

Wow! You sound like awful parents. Yet, the child free are the selfish ones. Right.

@BeChicLimeCat

Also, there is little financial assistance/benefits available to those without children so your taxes are actually paying for the benefits parents receive, rather than for funding my care when I'm old. (I have my own money to pay for my care thank you!)

@BeChicLimeCat

I don't have children 🤣🤣 but thanks for the poor attempt at an insult.

It's a free world isn't it?

£3750 - £1500 leave you £2250.

My income minus housing is the same as yours, I'm in the SE, one teen and spend
£220 Council tax
£ 100 utilities
£ 250 food
£ 70 insurance
£55 tv/phone/bb
£45 water
£85 car
£70 petrol
£150 clothes/shoes
£70 hair cuts

We have holidays, and ds does some sports. I don't drink or smoke, Don't have gym membership. Cook from scratch. Save up and buy a second hand car once a decade.

I don't struggle. Not rich but comfortable. Even with an extra child you should be ok. Do you have childcare fees?

@BeChicLimeCat because there's loads of topics which have nothing to do with children? Health, style and beauty, AIBU, pets...

You're on universal credit, relying on the taxpayer to fund your lifestyle. You can afford swimming lessons, to eat really well, running a car etc. How much more do you want...?

You want the taxpayer to fund luxury holidays and a massive savings pot?

I'm sorry to be harsh but I genuinely don't know what you want/ think is reasonable...?

I think you’re living a lifestyle you can’t afford to sustain, expensive food, tons of driving costs and expensive swimming lessons are all a choice not a necessity. You need to cut your cloth. Do things closer to home, find cheaper swimming lessons or just spend a load of time in the pool with them yourself. Cook more economically.

Your income from a pt job is the equivalent of a £60k a year salary with top ups. That’s a decent salary.

Have you considered how your life might look once your kids are older and you’re not entitled to as much of a top up from the state/maintenance payments stop?

The point I made swimming lessons are not essential, you can take your kids swimming in local pool and teach them for a lot less then session fees. You’re on benefits to support your income to make sure your kids are fed and clothed well, if you choose to spend £400 on swimming lessons, that’s a choice.

You are not just scraping by sorry OP. Expensive swimming lessons and a huge food bill just because you like good food does not mean you are scraping by. It just means you are prioritising certain luxuries , which is absolutely your choice.

Scraping by is when you have zero choices.

Our local pool has just closed; when it was open, children under 8/non-swimmers had to have a 1:1 ratio.

I actually think swimming is a necessity but perhaps when they reach a certain stage, but before they’re officially “swimmers” you can stop, having given them a head start. Is there anyone in the village you can team up with to share the drive to lessons so you’re only spending on petrol e/o week?

I think to some extent OP this is just life in 2025 – there’s an expectation of more for our children than before (swimming, clubs, days out – in my 80s childhood it was the school pool, clubs weren’t a thing and a day out was the car wash or B&Q), social media lifestyle comparison, horrendous rents (in our case a mortgage that keeps going up and up but at least it’s ours), soaring costs of absolutely everything: food, energy, fuel, stuff. Our household income edges out yours a little I think but we can’t afford holidays or to upgrade the old banger I drive. But I recognise we can afford things like swimming lessons, NT membership, top-up shops in our local shop which is a bastarding Waitrose, kids after-school clubs. It’s all relative – we could stop those things and have a holiday and a nice car, but I think I prefer a nice daily life than grinding away all year for 14 days at Haven.

Not really an easy answer!

If you move away from London you pay less rent but end up with a job that pays a lot less too!

The rent is so high.
It's very unfortunate that money is not going towards you owning your own small home.
Can you afford to buy?

If this is real then I suspect your children already hate their toxic parents.

Because child maintenance is not taken into account.

@TheHateIsNotGood
Lovely supportive post .
OP , fellow single parent here .
I was struggling about 7 years ago in the way you describe.
Its hard but please stick at it and be proud of yourself .
it does get better .

Only other comment I would say is I am fanatical about batch cooking from scratch and keeping food costs down .
That makes a huge difference to overall finances .
Good luck