Single mum 45k a year in south east but just scraping by?

[Plantball]

There was a time I once thought a household income after tax of 45k meant a comfortable life. I am a single mum of two young kids in the south east. Rent alone is 18k of the money gone. I feel like I’m merely existing. Running a car, council tax, gas, electricity, food, kids clothes, shoes, clubs…

The money just doesn't go far. I know I am fortunate compared so many and I’m not pleading poverty. Just feeling very flat at never being able to better our life.

South east is costly. I live there but if paying £1500 on a small house maybe think and moving - yes maybe then a 15m drive to friends etx but will be saving monthly

there are cheaper places about

No-one has mentioned cost of living, food is twice the price it used to be! ..and everything else has gone up ..

I’m not hard up or on benefits or bemoaning my lot. I spend £500 a month on food for me and two teenagers including nice toiletries, cat food etc..

The OP is not ‘scraping by’ by any stretch of the imagination, she’s living a lifestyle she can’t afford.

@TwatOnAHotTinRoof
Precisely. A lifestyle that is already funded in 60% by others (her ex and the taxpayers). And yet rather than appreciate that the generous maintenance and benefits are allowing her to work part time and live a decent lifestyle, the OP is angry because she’s not living the luxurious lifestyle she thinks she is owed.

The cost of living is up, and the cost of housing pretty much anywhere in the south east of the UK is just crazy. And it will not get easier, particularly as a single parent.

I have made a move - partly due to the economics, partly for a nicer/better job.

It has worked out well, and I still own a decent home even after a divorce, which will be paid off by the time I am 55. More importantly I have a great job (which pays as much as when I lived further south) and have much, much better quality of life with excellent greenspace and nature, a safe and welcoming community, great schools, university fees funded etc etc. Scotland is not nirvana, but it is a damn sight better than SE England (and I say that as someone with head office in SE England and I regularly stay there a week at a time...). The ONLY downside is it is farther to see family and the weather in November and February is crap...

It used to be but because non payment is so common it left single mums (always mums)out of pocket and really struggling. The fact that they decided to disregard it is a sad indictment of the lack of interest in pursuing non payers.

This is why lots of couples will never get married and live separately. The ‘single mum’ has several children of various ages with the same man while remaining single. We don’t have a housing crisis so much as an ‘underoccupancy ‘ crisis. So many couples living separately in order to gain max benefits.
Child support should be taken directly from the father’s wages/salary /bank account and offset against any UC received. I’d take away their passport too.
The men who leave their families knowing their ex will get UC are especially abhorrent. How embarrassing to let taxpayers raise / house your children when you’re a high earner.

You should increase your hours at work op. And rest when your children go to their father’s house?

From the OP’s posts it sounds like they don’t go to the father’s house. She’s at breaking point with exhaustion, I’m not sure more hours would help if she ends up signed off with a nervy b.

I think given the lack of contact with their father, moving to a cheaper region and to a town where OP can walk/public transport/drive less to get the kids to school and swimming might be the best option. OP, can your job be done remotely or do you have transferable skills to take you elsewhere? And would your ex object if you upped sticks north?

I do agree that the feckless fathers that don't pay child maintenance should be pursued and the system overhauled. I believe other countries come down stronger and would take payments from their wages. Not the point of this OP's post though I know...

They do have those powers but v v rarely use them. There's just no political will to get behind it.

I’d be sending them off to their father at a prearranged time and day. You don’t get to opt out of parenting your own children. I would refuse to have my children fulltime if I ever divorced. Why should I do all the slogging? Send them to their father and go back to work full time because once those children hit 18 years old you’ll lose everything but your income.

Why is this the answer to everything! We don't want you all!

You're getting decent maintenance there. You say you have no help at all, does the father not have any contact? Do you have family near by? What's your reasons for staying in such poor rental conditions, if there's no help at all near you?

It doesn't sound like you're looking for advice, just a rant, but respectfully, you've nothing to rant about. You're keeping a car on the road and have the choice of a good food budget. What you really need to be focussing more on is building your future and what is in your control. There are plenty of single parents (myself included) who didn't plan this life and had no option but to pull themselves together and keep the plates spinning whilst working full time. You won't have benefits and maintenance forever so will you be able to afford to rent where you are in a few years time when the top ups decrease and then cease? What's your plan for that?

@TwatOnAHotTinRoof have to agree wholeheartedly about the maintenance ..
I got a quarter of that , like you I still spend very carefully although I earn more now .

There are incredible amount of judgemental posts actually was quite sad to read.

I promise im not living remotely in luxury. I never spend money on myself. I just feel 45k should afford a better lifestyle than it does. I’m not complaining I’m not given enough I have at no point said that. Just that it gives a basic standard of living. My only luxury is food. And that £500 also includes all our washing powder cleaning products, toothpastes etc so food is more like £100 a week and we never eat out. I don’t consider that wild at all.

Their dad is not in the country he does not have the children. I can’t force him to have them either. I am working 30 hours a week so I’m not that far off of full time. I feel utterly burnt out on that. I’m sure as the children get a bit older it will get easier. Until then I guess I shall bide my time until I increase my hours.

I would never move north, all my friends are nearby. My whole support network. The women that have literally gotten me through the last most horrific few years when I honestly wanted to end my life after all the abuse I was put through. .

Household income after tax is £45k, and OP hasn’t said whether that includes any benefits! Assuming the best and it’s wages/maintenance, how much do you think someone should be able to earn and still claim benefits (paid for partly by people who earn less)?

This thread is 2 months old so I’m not sure why you’ve revived it to ask a silly question. But actually she confirmed very quickly that 45k includes her benefits.

We really threw everything at the mortgage in the early years We bought almost all our furniture second-hand. The children and I wore second-hand clothes and the children had second-hand toys and books. We drove old cars - reliable economical vehicles. We didn't have many holidays overseas - in fact, hardly any holidays. We did have decent food because scrimping on that was further than I was prepared to go. The scraping in the early years meant we were able to support one of our children in a very long and expensive training. My husband who had a few health issues was able to retire early. One of my children - who didn't have the really really expensive education of his sibling - will be helped with a deposit for a house as soon as he qualifies. We have a beautiful detached four bedroom house. The fact of the matter is that you have to cut costs in the early years if your want an easier later life. No matter how hard, you have to put money by.

I’m in Brighton and it’s £1900 for a two bed! Not even a very fancy one!!!!!
Living in the South East is becoming even more ridiculous, not to mention all of the flats turning into Airbnb’s…
You have my sympathy OP!

Just buy. A flat, a shared, whatever. Ex council, etc

Catch the bus, cut the clubs

We live in Surrey on even less , I save 1000 per month.

yes, but many are.

Inflation. No, money does not buy what it once did. To buy what cost £45k in 2015, you need £62k now due to inflation. Thats CPI, however, and some would argue it doesn't always enough, for example higher housing costs for owner occupiers.

Would you be able to afford to buy a four bed detached house at today’s prices, there’s no comparison to house prices, what, back in the 90’s or even 20 years ago, to what the younger generation are facing today And not just the younger generation, people in their 30’s/40’s.People are finding, they need 2 well paid incomes, to be able to afford the deposit, mortgage.

45k is nowhere near a big salary, esp not in London. I don't think 45k would have been a considered a good salary at any point in the last 25 years.