Why would a mum block a friendship? Playdate exclusion

[Skymadeofdiamonds]

My 9 year old has been very close , even best friends, with another child at school. Outside of school child's mother avoids us and is icy cold with us. She is warm and friendly with three others arranging playdates, sleepovers, holidays with them. I've invited her child over a few times but messages completely ignored. Her kid has made it clear they'd love to play outside of school with mine.

She'll bend over backwards facilitating other friendships even though those children have problematic behaviour at times e.g. domineering, occasional threats in the games and disrupting lessons. So it's not that. My child is kind, no arguments and no complaints from school.

Mother slightly odd in some other ways too but who isn't.

AIBU to think this is exclusion or social bullying? How do I support my child as child doesnt understand why friend cant play outside of school? Do some people just like making little kids unhappy?

She wouldn't be having a playdate with me, it's for the kids.

Hope it doesn't come across wrong.

I don't exclude kids because mum isn't my kind of person.

You nailed it again.

"bullying"
"abusive parent"
"asking the school to somehow be involved"

because they don't want you, and your child, in their home.

Unbelievable 😂

Joke aside, you need to chill OP. You are going to ruin your own kids social life by being so weirdly invested and ridiculously entitled.

Throughout this entire thread you have been rude, overbearing and fixated and obsessive.

I am coming to your house. Give me your address. You do not get to say no, it is my choice. What do you mean no?!!!!! YOU ARE EXCLUDING ME!!!!!

This is EXACTLY how you sound. This woman is very, very wise. She saw you coming.

Thats terrible to watch, what a cruel person. I'd personally never discourage a friendship because of bossy behaviour from a friend, in fact mine does have friends like that, but so many people on this thread have stated it would be a perfectly valid reason to do so.

Go away ChatGpt and work on your reading comprehension. Under your bridge ideally.

I've never invited myself to anyone's house.😂 that's my worst nightmare. There are some batshit responses today

Sorry if I’ve missed it as it’s quite a big thread. Have you ever met the child out of school (bowling or something out of your house?) would parent allow that?
Does she allow the child to attend your child’s parties?

I think at this point with nothing to loose, call her out?

hey bobs mum, I hope me/my child haven’t done something to upset or offend?
The kids are keen to meet after school, but every time I ask you just avoid me!
How about we get the kids together at bowling this weekend, happy to supervise if you just want to drop him off

(or similar)

or ask her to her face?

no, you are right, I can see why everyone would be delighted to organise playdates and make sure you are visiting their home 😂

For whatever reason the mum has gone out of her way to avoid me 😂
puzzling.

You keep using drama llama adjectives, cruel, terrible, exclusion, bullying. You made the bizarre claim that you are "worried this will ruin their self esteem" What utter rubbish, learning to cope with rejection (which you obviously have not) is an absolutely normal part of life, and frankly your kid wouldn't know about it unless you were harping on about it.

The entire conversation should have been "I texted her mum to ask a couple of times, haven't heard back, sorry love"

Your whole attitude to this other persons's child and demands to force her to let you into her life are overwrought, controlling, fixated and over emotional.

You have repeatedly tried to pretend this woman is trying to split your kids up, when she is doing nothing of the sort, she just wants to invite whomever she pleases to her own home.

You have also pretended that children playing together in school and you not controlling and demanding access to other people's homes is exclusion.

Additionally you have made the strange claim that this woman not allowing you to force your way into her home is bad for her child, when it's clear that her child has a great social life, your child is not just involved in it.

And then you made up a weird scenario about children being dragged into school crying because their mothers occasionally refuse play dates with women or children they don't like.

If you walk around spouting such over dramatic attitudes to everything, that will be another good reason this woman avoids you, apart from your lack of self awareness, determination to ignore boundaries and fixation on her child.

Look, aside from the fact that you come across as deeply unlikeable on this thread, I am aware that you have feelings, even if you don't care about other people's.

So I will give you a piece of advice and then leave you to keep slagging me off and everyone else who disagrees with you.

The advice is this - see a therapist. Show them this thread. And do it right now, make the appointment immediately, no waiting around.

Your child is 9, soon they will be 10, 12, 16 and you will still be helicoptering, controlling and putting everyone off and teaching your kid to bulldoze boundaries and take rejection deeply to heart, if you don't learn new approaches now.

In all seriousness, you need to unpick your controlling, demanding behaviour and lack of self awareness before you ruin your kid's social life completely. You are much, much more like your own mother than you realise and your efforts to protect your child are coming across, on this thread, as unhinged, fixated and obsessive.

I will leave it at that.

@Justanotherperson2025

I think that just about wraps things up here.

As you were, everyone.

The thing is that you can’t have unlimited amount of playdates so you have to choose. At this stage many parents want to encourage certain friendships so they invite these kids. Maybe they are thinking about the secondary stage or family connections or it’s about joint hobby.
It’s a bit naive to ask why people behave this way if you don’t - people are different and have different views.
This mum doesn’t want her child to be best friends with yours. She doesn’t bother about who playing with whom at school but outside school she doesn’t encourage the relationship in any way. Why ? Because she doesn’t want to. It doesn’t matter if it’s something about your child or about you. It’s a pity but it’s your reality.
We can endlessly guessing why but we won’t know the truth. So the most sensible thing you can do is to leave it and encourage other friendships. Believe me, I’m talking from bitter experience. It could be your income level, your social status, your marriage, your personality, the fact that you were not British, the fact that you were not local or just the fact that all other mums were active PTA members and you were not. You might understand it later or never but you can’t do anything about it.

Oh dear, parasites and vultures now is it? Imagining other people have no interests and lives because that comforts you in your friendless life?

Seriously. Seek therapy.

Goodbye.

Nothing major, i don't think. They along quite well.

How do birthday parties work? Does the child go to your daughters parties? Is your daughter invited to their parties?

Good luck. OP steadfastly ignores this question

But the child “blanks” your child outside of school you say

I’m going to guess you’ve also never been invited to anyone’s house OP

Finally! Some insight and honesty from the OP!

Thank you to the helpful and insightful posters, it was really useful to hear everyone's perspectives.

No, we don't choose our DC's friends, but we do introduce them to likely friends outside school, most likely from our family and friendship circle. This is entirely normal. Those meetings and relationships do not necessarily lead to friendships, of course.

Op have you reflected on the situation after reading others' views? Your replies indicate you haven't taken on board what people have said