Why would a mum block a friendship? Playdate exclusion

[Skymadeofdiamonds]

My 9 year old has been very close , even best friends, with another child at school. Outside of school child's mother avoids us and is icy cold with us. She is warm and friendly with three others arranging playdates, sleepovers, holidays with them. I've invited her child over a few times but messages completely ignored. Her kid has made it clear they'd love to play outside of school with mine.

She'll bend over backwards facilitating other friendships even though those children have problematic behaviour at times e.g. domineering, occasional threats in the games and disrupting lessons. So it's not that. My child is kind, no arguments and no complaints from school.

Mother slightly odd in some other ways too but who isn't.

AIBU to think this is exclusion or social bullying? How do I support my child as child doesnt understand why friend cant play outside of school? Do some people just like making little kids unhappy?

Are the other kids that she organises play dates with kids of her friends?

There are a few mums of kids in my daughter's class whose mums were already friends and their DDs have playdates regularly.

These mums are nice, but if in a similar scenario - if one of the mums were a bit antisocial and their kids already were friends with their kids friends, I can imagine a situation where she might not bother facilitating friendships with other children.

What on earth are you talking about?

Kids who struggle with school refusal do so because their moms hang out with families they like?

Does this child come to birthday parties? Do you have other kids over?

You keep discussing other children’s behaviour but it has no connection.

You sound quite gossipy to be honest.

The OP’s entire interpretations of this apparently very close friendship seems to be coming from her young daughter’s mouth, given the other little blanks the OP’s daughter when out of school

im curious about birthday parties but I have a sense the op isn’t coming back

What’s the chances the OP doesnt have any friends and has struggles socially all her life? High

Similar situation here with one set of parents. The Dad is friendly but the Mum is downright weird. That said, we work in the same professional field, I'm more senior and I work and socialise with her boss.

There's also an element of jealousy. This Mum is naturally quite competitive and my DC said when they had their one playdate before we were all ghosted, the Mum was quizzing them about what books they were reading, what musical instruments they played and what extra curricular activities they did. Even so far as to ask how they did on X test in class. Better than her DC apparently.

Obviously we didn't pass the test as DC wasn't invited back and she has avoided further playdates when we've invited here. The kids are super close in school and always play together but my DC is never invited to birthday parties and we've stopped asking. It can be awkward but DC is bright enough to know it's nothing to do with her or her friend, just that the Mum is a loon.

DC are 10/11.

There's also an element of jealousy

well you think she’s jealous of you.

But the children have chosen their friends and would like to play outside the school but the mum won't allow it? She arranges for the child to play with kids of her friends who aren't natural friends. It's not bullying to exclude a child? What is bullying by exclusion then?

Op

what happens for birthday parties

and the other child blanks your daughter outside of school

so your view on this “close friendship” comes entirely from the mouth of your daughter?

How do you know the other child wants a play date with your child?

Mean!

Why? Some people struggle socially
and on the basis of this thread, I’d say it is highly likely the OP is one of them

leading her to see be ultra sensitive and see shadows where there are none when it. Ones to her daughter

The mum of the friend has actively ignored OP's invites. How is that seeing shadows where there aren't any? It just seems a bit of a stretch to make the judgement that OP has no friends and is socially inept based on wierd behaviour from one other person.

You did see that the little girl also blanks the OP’s daughter when out

so the Op entire version of this incredibly close friendship is built entirely on what her young child says is the case during the school day

she’s never actually seen this close friendship in practise

and the op is steadfastly ignoring question re birthday parties

It isn't bullying to decline a play date. It's her house and no one is entitled to play dates.

You need to accept the fact that they will just play together at school.

No where has the op clarified how she knows this other child wants to play with her daughter outside of school. No where.

It will be from her own child’s mouth re how close they are and desperate to get together out of school

OP what is it you aren't you getting?

It is not bullying to decline an invitation to a playdate.

It is not bullying not to invite your child on a playdate.

(I hate the term playdate)

What people do, and who they see out of school is their choice. You, and by extension, your child, are not entitled to people's time or company.

It is very important to have boundaries in life (especially for women and girls!) and it is not bullying to say 'no' to someone, mean it, and not feel obligated to provide justification for that.

Let it go!

This.

OP, you are oddly fixated on this and aren’t really taking on board any comments that don’t reinforce your existing narrative. YABU. Let it go.

Yes but, yes but, yes but.

OP, you've been given plenty of advice, but keep on repeating your bewilderment and insisting there's simply no reason for this woman to be uninterested in fostering a friendship with you and your daughter.

I agree with those suggesting you stop torturing yourself and move on, for your own sake.

The pp you quoted here advised to not make a big deal of it with your daughter and I think that's the way to go.

Please don't put your self-worth in the hands of this woman.

My DS had a similar friend. I quietly faded that friendship out by not inviting the friend to playor accepting invitations

I didn't tell the mother why. I felt it wouldn't go down well. No one responds well to their child being criticised

Christ alive 🤦‍♀️ Your child is not the second coming. He is not being excluded. They play together at school.

Get over it and spend your time teaching your children emotional intelligence and resilience so they don’t end up like this when they’re older.

Ignoring your question because you are being a little rude.

I see them play at school, I see them play at birthdays, the teachers say so, I see it in photos from school, I hear it from other kids. In the handful of times the mother did speak to me it was clear she recognised they have a strong friendship.

They’re playing together at school, the mum just doesn’t want to facilitate out of school contact. She’d be collecting your child, having her in her home and then interacting with you when you come to collect her. It’s perfectly fine for her to decide she doesn’t want to do the bits that involve her.

I’ve never seen a nine year old dragged into school crying, your comment is weird.

Must tell schools to update their bullying by exclusion policies.

I hate the term playdate too but it's widely u understood.

Boundaries are important and so is not excluding your child's good friends.

Only ever used for women. Men don’t have cliques, they just have mates they do things with.

You really are struggling to answer about birthday parties or what makes you think this friendship is close aside from your daughter telling you it is