To be devastated about this minor thing...

[Ninerina]

I went to a book club last night- all fine, enjoyed it- and they asked me who I live with and I said my husband and my son and they asked how old he is and when I said his age there were no gasps, no look of shock, just nods
I have always always always been told I don't look my age but now people just nod. What is this hell?!
I'm 55 and my son is 29.
Up until I turned 53 people would say I didn't look my age
I know it's not a big deal really but couldn't they have pretended to look shocked?
It's not a big ask is it?
So upset

Nothing to do with looks but I remember feeling old when a friend I was at school with's last 'child' graduated. It hit home that she didn't have children any more instead was mother to three adults.

Oh lovely. I feel your pain. For the past 10 years everyone has said how shocked they are at my age - that I look 35/40. This past year (Ive just turned 50) and now NO-ONE says it. The comments stopped almost overnight. I was lucky to look a decade younger than I was for a bit, and now ive caught up. Im gutted but there we are. I hate myself that I enjoyed those compliments so much and I miss them - it really did used to give me a boost. Ah well.

So you are at a book club with one assumes similarly aged people between 40-60 and you are surprised that they don’t show any sign of being surprised you are the age you are?

the thing with looking younger (and clearly I am not and do not want to be your people) than your age it is based on previous generations and perceptions of that age. I have no doubt you look nothing like the 55 year olds we had in the 80s at all but aging is inevitable and no amount of intervention will stop it

you were amongst peers who one assumes get that so unless you are basically saying you look so much better than everyone else of course they didn’t gasp

So do I
Writing a tongue in cheek post about ageing takes my mind off the big stuff I'm dealing with. Sorry even that has offended so many people
Those of you who understand what I'm saying thank you

But what is so out there about having a child at 26? It’s a perfectly reasonable age to have a baby, you are not a teenager and nor are you in your late 40s/early 50s when you had a baby. At your age I would have a 25 year old and a 20 year old. The vast majority of my friends have babies in roughly the same age range. I don’t see why it’s so noteworthy?

(Unless the OP thinks she looks a decade younger and therefore expects people to be surprised?!)

Blimey! Where do you live? Most reception mums where I am are 35-45. A few youngsters but not the majority

lol yeah it's stopped here too- I'm finding it inwardly quite funny really. Especially as I'm just about to turn 50 and working with 20 year olds who say things like 'I can't imagine having sex after 50'
Got to laugh really.

I got IDd in a shop once when I was about 31 and I was too excited to have got IDd 😂
I went skipping into work telling my work friends and all

Exactly!

I'd be more surprised that a 29 year old was still living at home tbh.

Nothing you can do to stop the passing of time OP, need to embrace it and try not to let it bother you.

Op I get you, I've always been told I look too young to have a daughter of my DDS age (she's almost 18 now) and I still love it when people say it, I'll be gutted when it stops!

oh how dare they!
now i have understood it was meant to be funny

I feel your pain OP. I'm 48 and have a 25 year old and used to get shocked looks and comments like "were you very young when you had her?" regularly. To be honest, that used to piss me off a bit as at 23, I was hardly a schoolgirl pregnancy.

I still think I look young for my age but I think it's more a case of people doing the maths less once you're over 35/40. Which I suppose is all part of the wider tragedy of society writing off women as we pass reproductive age. Sigh.

There’s nothing wrong with growing old gracefully. People always make nice comments saying you don’t look your age when actually you do and they are just being nice. It’s a fact of live. We all get old etc. the grey hair the wrinkles , the sagging skin just got to accept it .

@Ninerina I understand that it makes you feel good, when someone tells you, unasked, that you look younger than you actually are. I too have been told that, over the years, from time to time and it does raise my morale. No question.

Having said that, I don't expect it at all. Some people are not good at judging someone else's age. I take it as a compliment when I get it, but would never be disappointed if no-one commented.

For what It's worth, it didn't happen much at all when I was in my 50's to mid-sixties, but since I reached my early 70's, I've had a couple of people recently say I don't look it!

actually when i was surprised someone was 30 and she was actually annoyed because everyone thinks she is younger than she is.
and i thought it was a compliment

You probably look your age so it wasn’t a shock or something to react to. I mean if your son was 39 perhaps I would expect a reaction but having a child at 26 is nothing out of the ordinary.

I was asked for id in Dunelm , I am 52 and look it. Some stores just have a blanket policy of asking everyone so staff just get into the habit and don’t have to guess.

@Ninerina no worries, in 5 years time you can go to Iceland store on a Tuesday and ask for over 60 discount and when they ask for ID your faith will be restored.

It might be 16 but they still have to follow Challenge 25.

But 26 is a very normal age to have a child? Their lack of audible gasp had absolutely nothing to do with them thinking you look older. You could have had your child at 30 or 19. They aren’t to know. You look vaguely within 10 years of your actual age, congratulations.

Also, the age thing is so over done. Real women don’t see a 40 year old and think “wrinkled and over the hill” - They know that women look good at all ages and the number attached has very little to do with the outward appearance. It’s all very shallow. I might raise a slight eyebrow in recognition if I was very surprised someone I didn’t expect had an older adult DS, but I certainly wouldn’t be gasping and making remarks that they could never.

I was once in Boots at the Clinique counter and I was buying a new lipstick because, as I explained, my daughter had ruined my other one.

The lady on the counter, touched my elbow, and said she didn’t mean to be rude, but I didn’t look old enough to have teenagers daughters.

She laughed when I explained that my daughter was three, and had borrowed the lipstick to play with.

😂😂😂😂

I’ve been offered over 60 discounts since I was in my mid fifties! 😊

Used to happen to me, especially when the children were around 12 you don't look old enough etc. However no one looks mildly surprised now when I say my children are in their 50s. In fact I've a growing collection of shawls that people keep buying me for some unknown reason!

I get what you were trying to do @OP, problem is your writing style didn't embrace humour. You wrote a very bland post, nothing tongue in cheek there, no emoji's to convey humour, and expected everyone to just 'get it'. Sadly, that's not how writing works. Better luck next time .