To be devastated about this minor thing...

[Ninerina]

I went to a book club last night- all fine, enjoyed it- and they asked me who I live with and I said my husband and my son and they asked how old he is and when I said his age there were no gasps, no look of shock, just nods
I have always always always been told I don't look my age but now people just nod. What is this hell?!
I'm 55 and my son is 29.
Up until I turned 53 people would say I didn't look my age
I know it's not a big deal really but couldn't they have pretended to look shocked?
It's not a big ask is it?
So upset

And when the site says “you will need to provide ID as proof of age” and they don’t ask for ID. I mean what’s that about….

I feel like I should clarify that by "aspire to be the best looking 50 year old I can" I mean "try to take good care of myself" as opposed to "plastic surgery and injectables every 6 months" 😬

I agree with the idea that they might think it’s rude to comment on your age/appearance of age. Before now, I have said “wow you don’t look old enough to have a X-age DC” to be met with a sort of offence taken as in “what are you implying - that I was an underage teenage mother?” kind of attitude and since then I just keep my mouth shut! Either way, I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking your age. The only alternative to ageing is death, so…

You might look younger than your age but the thing is, people understand that there are others who look younger than they are, same as some look their age or older. So they're not going to be massively shocked. And it may be possible that you do just look your age. I always looked younger but I haven't been asked for ID in about 5 years and no one seems shocked when they learn I have a 17 year old son. I still probably look my age or slightly younger but my age is catching up with me, definitely.

Small tip for vain vacuous women who loath aging.

Buy those face masks with hyaluronic, cheap ones in Boots.
Dampen your face and slap one on multiple times a week at home.

They really are magic.
They plump up the skin and give you back a bit of the softening of youth.

Supermarket ones, aldi ones, all great.
Worth a try.
Leave on for as long as possible and rub the extra goo in the packet on your neck and decolletage.

I hear you. I have 4 adult children and I'm 46. I always, always used to get told that I didn't look old enough to have children of whatever age they were at the time. I've noticed it happens less frequently now and I'm a bit sad about it. I'm trying to console myself that most of the new acquaintances where this comes up are new work colleagues. I'm now fairly senior in my organisation and I'm telling myself it is this that is ageing me rather than my face 😆

Oh op. I would have looked suitably shocked (and tried to hide it badly because it's rude to comment on people's age). I always think women look younger than they actually are.

I'm in my forties and till recently cashiers in supermarkets would ask me for id when buying alcohol. Well, when I say recently I mean about 10 years ago and probably even then they were just trying to be nice and give me a confident boost.

Also, till a couple of years ago people were always surprised when I revealed my age but I doubt it's because I looked young but probably more because I have very young kids and am generally quite clueless.

Anyway, commiserations!!

16 when i had him so pleased i did would not change it for the world.
I have all my freedom back and im still young.

What do you mean by " my people" OP?

It sounds as though you usually surround yourself with sycophants. The opinion of sycophants is pretty worthless.

Surely by 55 we should be able to accept who we are as people and not see our worth in how young we look?

The ageism on MN is quite breathtaking.

I did too. (Well, inside.)
I remember being nearly 40 and someone in their early 20s thinking I was also in my 20s.
Sadly no one in their right mind would think I’m anything other than firmly middle aged now…

Tbf they were making polite small talk at a book club, it’s quite possible they weren’t even really listening when you said his age!

It’s tongue in cheek.

Exactly this! In this situation I'd be aware that any show of surprise could be taken as a negative judgement about young mothers/motherhood.

The comment "You don't look old enough to have a son that age" could absolutely be interpreted as having the unspoken follow up of "you must have been far too young to have made a responsible choice about having a child".

I am 34, and when I go out with my sister people often think I'm her mum. She's 33! Now that is bloody sad.

I'm 54 and I constantly get told I look like I'm in my thirties. When I point out that my oldest is actually in her thirties, and show evidence to prove it, they say she looks like she's in her early twenties. Then I show them a picture of my youngest who is 18, they say she looks like she's 14.

I've decided that most people are blind .

What were they meant to say though? If they think you only look 45 and you say your son is 29, they are not (out of politeness) going to make a remark such as you must have had him very young or that you don't look old enough.

Times have changed! People don't say that stuff anymore (thats what i tell myself!).

I like to think i don't look my age (40) but I've only had one person insist on giving me a youth discount for under 25s in the last year! 😆 I definitely don't look that young but it was nice to have the compliment!

I had my kids in my early 20s so always had gasps when I was 20s/30s when asked how old the kids were, definitely noticing the gasps have reduced as I near 40 😂

Maybe they weren't good enough at mental maths to work out if it was shocking or not. Have you quizzed them on their maths abilities to check?

Ha! Op the same is happening to me. Last summer I was still getting ID'd in supermarkets, I'm 32! I moaned but secretly I enjoyed it

But that's because you were incredibly young when you had your son. When I was 38 I had a two year old.

I'm sorry you had a teenage pregnancy.

It’s just so rude! 😆

I got ‘you don’t look your age’ until I was 50.
Now I get silence and it’s just life.
The only comment I got recently off someone in their twenties was a question…
Do you not get Botox and fillers? When I said I didn’t she remarked…
God, you’re brave!

You'd think so

I wish I had so little to worry about