To think poorly of the OW in this situation?

[Itsnotpink]

3 years ago my children’s dad left after having an affair with another women. They were working away on a job together. The women knew full well he had two young children. One in nursery and one in primary. For months they snuck around acting like love sick teenagers. Going out to dinner, renting holiday homes. All the time ex partner was calling home and lying to me and the kids FaceTiming us. Constantly telling us how busy he was and how stressful work was:

They continue to see each other but live in different countries. Time with our kids is limited with their dad as it is but he seems to find time to holiday and see this women. He will go months without seeing our children.

I still feel raged occasionally about it. I had children with someone who is totally checked out of every physical and mental aspect or parenting. Unless it suits him occasionally. But somehow this women and him think he is a fantastic dad because he pays maintenance?! do women really find guys like this a catch. I sadly had no one to gage him against. But this women knows he is a cheat, a liar and puts himself before his kids. It’s a total mystery to me!!!

That is literally misogyny. Holding women as a collective to a different standard than you do men.

Your argument is no less sexist just because you think you have put a positive spin on it.

He probably fed her the 'my wife doesn't understand me/only staying for the kids/sleep in separate rooms' bullshit.

She doesn't know how often he sees his kids. They're on different continents apparently, so he could be telling her all kinds.

Eurgh- what a pair. They deserve each other. People that cheat on their partners and abandon children are the lowest form of life.

He will have no doubt told her you are with holding/alienating the children from him and are or were abusive. That's the script they all use to some degree

No, to all of that. But, I’m sure you’re right. 😊

Expecting more from women (and conversely letting men get away with being shitter than you’d let a woman get away with being) is very much internalised misogyny. It’s the principle behind things like ‘boys will be boys’ while holding women to a higher standard.

Everyday sexism at work.

Isn’t it? It’s so entrenched, as well.

Deciding that some random woman is just as responsible for your welfare and that of your children as the man to whom you’re married (which is what all the ‘equally culpable’ stuff boils down to) is clearly wholly irrational. The complete inability to see that (and the histrionics and moral panic when it’s pointed out) is genuinely interesting to me.

Apparently, this makes me morally bankrupt, a wannabe Attenborough and a Tory. 🤣

He’s shown her what he is. Let them crack on

a stupid fool in love, it suits her life, low self esteem whatever the reason is or maybe a bit of all three or none of those reasons its a horrible situation for you and your children to be in

but he made the decision to abandon his children and if it wasn't her it would be another woman

don't waste your energy on trying to understand

This is a ludicrous response to @ForZanyAquaViewer. They wrote their considered perspective, they’re not obliged to respond to your attempts to goad them. 😵‍💫

I think the posters taking exception with what you posted may have had OW women in their lives and it’s clouding their understanding of what you said.

YANBU OP. They’re a pair of scum bags who deserve each other.

Hrs a lying cheating piece of shit that’s not in doubt but like you I don’t understand why any woman is happy to hook up with a lying cheating bloke.

And no I’ve never had an OW in my life, just feel strongly about people who lie and cheat and those who facilitate it.

"histrionics" - a word that women have been labelled as having for centuries. Who's being misogynistic now? Who on the thread has shown to be having histrionics? Complete exaggeration from a misogynist.

Both are culpable.

The laughing emoji comes out when the argument is weak

100% agree with this. I know someone who was having an affair with a married man with 2 young children. She deliberately became pregnant; despicable behaviour and a bomb thrown into the lives of his family

I think that’s certainly a possibility!

However, some people just genuinely believe - irrespective of personal trauma - that the OW is somehow equally culpable. I think it’s a societal narrative that people are unwilling to unpick and (demonstrably) get really angry when anyone else does.

What a load of old clap-trap. Internalised misogyny my foot. I'd be calling out (and have done) any man who did this with another man's wife. It's low- life trampy behaviour sneaking around lying cheating on your spouse WHAT EVER SEX.

Fed up with OW affair excusists on here who are the real mysoginists, showing little or no sympathy for OP. I genuinely feel for OP as I'm sure others do, particularly having been in a similar situation being left holding the babies and fort whilst the soul-mate couple swan off into the abyss.

Both ex husband and OW had a moral obligation to OP and her children. I'm sure most women on here live by 'do no harm to others' and respect the sisterhood by not shagging a married man with kids. Imagine if all women did had those standards. There would certainly be less heartbreaking posts like this.

I think for OP if her ex and OW had settled, moved in together etc and he took some responsibility for HIS children, OP would be recovering better. As it is she has been left with all the responsibility and heartbreak.

Agree op. Would never be an OW because the thought of shitting all over someone else, whether I know them or not, makes my soul (not to mention my fanny) shrivel and dry up. Plus, I do not find liars attractive. At all.
Would also never entertain a man who didn’t see and support his children. I have heard all the usual bollocks from men and occasional women, who claim the “evil ex” stops them seeing the children. If said ex is so evil, all the more reason to fight for custody then, surely?

"respect the sisterhood"? 😂😂

What on earth is the sisterhood? Is there a brotherhood for those with a penis?

Both ex husband and OW had a moral obligation to OP and her children.
Ex husbands has all sort of obligations, and not just moral.
OW has no obligation whatsoever, why would she.

I honestly wasn’t expecting the responses to unironically illustrate my points around internalised misogyny and irrational narratives quite so dramatically.

A lot of you don’t seem to know what internalised misogyny even is, which is possibly a large part of the issue.

Indeed.

Also, note Imagine if all women had those standards.

As opposed to imagining all men not cheating on their partners. That would clearly be unreasonable, so the heartbreaking posts are the fault of the women who lack sisterhood.

Haha, she's certainly not failing at life either!

You can absolutely be miffed off at her.

But it’s not ok when MORE anger and blame is directed at the OW than the cheating husband. But somehow in a lot of these situations the wife is more pissed off at the OW. Is it that it feels better to blame the OW or something?

A strong argument has no need for those awful laughing emojis

Oh but there is when hackneyed and illogical trope like that is trotted out.