To think poorly of the OW in this situation?

[Itsnotpink]

3 years ago my children’s dad left after having an affair with another women. They were working away on a job together. The women knew full well he had two young children. One in nursery and one in primary. For months they snuck around acting like love sick teenagers. Going out to dinner, renting holiday homes. All the time ex partner was calling home and lying to me and the kids FaceTiming us. Constantly telling us how busy he was and how stressful work was:

They continue to see each other but live in different countries. Time with our kids is limited with their dad as it is but he seems to find time to holiday and see this women. He will go months without seeing our children.

I still feel raged occasionally about it. I had children with someone who is totally checked out of every physical and mental aspect or parenting. Unless it suits him occasionally. But somehow this women and him think he is a fantastic dad because he pays maintenance?! do women really find guys like this a catch. I sadly had no one to gage him against. But this women knows he is a cheat, a liar and puts himself before his kids. It’s a total mystery to me!!!

I just think the other person is either desperate for sex desperate for attention or the just love the sneaking around

@ForZanyAquaViewer I was pointing out how society punishes and thinks less of those who try to do things that are detrimental to others.

Why wouldn't it be okay to want and try to take anything else of yours? I could try and steal your beloved pet, or your car, and even if I was unsuccessful I'd be thought of badly in society and probably charged with some crime. So why isn't that okay, but trying to take your husband is?

And if you were married to a man, of course he would be 'your' husband. If I was actively trying to seduce him so I could have him to myself, what would you call it...? If not trying to 'take' him? 🤔

I'm really hoping we'll get the full picture of your moral compass soon 😊

A woman who chooses a married man is just scum. They both are. Sorry you had to go through that op.

A husband is not a ‘thing’ that can be taken or stolen. The fact that you genuinely don’t understand that and - in your now deleted comment - thought it acceptable to pray a complete stranger ‘never have children’ says rather a lot about your moral compass.

I’m no longer going to engage with you, as you honestly don’t seem very well.

Yes. Praying I (a stranger on MN) never have children was an insane thing to say. Really.

As I’ve been refusing to engage with your repeated (and increasingly frenzied) attempts to bait me for several hours now, I wouldn’t say I’m the shit stirrer in this exchange.

You've stirred plenty.

I actually think the insistence that men and women cannot be "stolen" is a tiny bit disingenuous. Yes of course everyone is an autonomous moral agent and can choose not to respond but if someone of either sex makes a full on play for someone else over a sustained period of time, gets to know them, becomes the shoulder to cry on about the "mean" spouse at home etc, coupled with any physical attraction, I think it's naive to pretend that otherwise stable marriages can't be rocked to the core. Literally everyone enjoys flattery and attention, especially if they are in the trenches of family life and day to day domestic grind and they are offered "time off" on a work trip or whatever. In the end, as I said upthread, there's no finite share of blame but a good hard shove on a somewhat weakened wall can topple it when, left alone, it might have stabilised, been repointed and lasted decades.

He's pathetic, she's pathetic and he will eventually leave her for a younger woman too. How could any woman trust a man she took from someone else? You're a better woman than me OP because I would not have been able to control my emotions.

The number of women on MN who have this exact thing happen to them is simply unacceptable. We need to start fighting back, there should be some sort of legal protection for women who suffer like this.

"frenzied" lol. Have you swallowed a dictionary? More hyperbole, laughable really.

Agree. Mine swore on my kids lives he wasn't cheating , told me my meds were causing paranoia..we continued to have sex because I believed him, it's likes so sort of coercive control! He made me think I was going mad
I even apologised to him fot accused him of cheating in me..until I found out he was!

Let's call cheating what it is, abuse. It's just plain and simply abuse. It's disgusting to knowingly expose your cherished wife to an STD and to lie to your partner, gaslight and demand privacy you haven't earned.

Then it makes absolutely no sense that you're blaming the OW in any way at all!! 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Absolutely agree. It’s abusive, it’s manipulation , it’s taking away your partners sexual agency, it’s a wicked thing to do to someone you claim to love.

Why would anyone either the tiniest amount of self respect want to knowingly get involved with someone who has shown themselves to have those character traits?

Pickme is a disease.

World would be a better place without both of them. If my husband left me for another woman, he would never see my kids faces again. Ever. Men should not get to have their cake and eat it. They should choose between the kids and their pathetic little dalliance.

I think your user name is right. Appalling though cheating is, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on if you tried to prevent their dad from seeing them, regardless of how many affairs he had. They are not just your kids.

If I took them to spain for a better life, what could he do? If the father was a philanderer the children would be better off with a want of their father.

Oh yes I had the deep joy of having to get tested for various diseases!! You're right it is abuse

Get the police to open an Interpol case and have you arrested, take them back and you'd have a criminal record and probably a prison sentence for kidnapping.

Oh yeah. I'm sure that would happen. They definitely have the interest and resources to do such a thing.

I know how you feel. I feel the same but sadly despite him being a twat husband and a shit dad, my kids are still quite keen on him so for their sake I have to swallow that one.
What makes me sick is the ow gave him milkshakes straws to give my children ( which of course he lied about and claimed a male friend got them) he then sat there in the evening with me while our kids used them ( I've since binned them..yes I am that petty) I draw the line about the ow seeing my children. She has such loose morals i don't want people like that around my children.

Not being unreasonable, she's a skank and so is he and it would be inappropriate for her to be around your kids. You are much more patient than me, there would be absolutely no contact between my kid and his Dad if he did such a thing.

Stop wasting your energy giving this so much head space. Who knows what she sees in him? You will likely never understand the dynamics of their relationship so do yourself a favour and move on

@Melodramat1c and @superplumb I'm afraid neither of you have a clue how this works. Real life isn't EastEnders and absolutely the police would pursue a kidnapping case, which is what it would be if they were spirited abroad with no consent from the other parent. .as for the OW and the kids, I do get it, honestly I do, I've been there, but a decade later she is a good stepmum to my kids, they like her. They know and resent the fact she is his priority but day to day they rub along and the only losers in a scenario with lots of friction and tension are the kids.

She is indeed a skank. A bloody desperate one at that. I thjnk most affoar partners are whether male or female. Their relationship is based on lies and cheating. Not an ideal way to start. Id never want to be with someone who could do that to his wife qnd kids.