School won’t/can’t do anything about SEN child causing distress

[Rantypanties]

I had a phone call from my child’s primary school stating that the SEN child in their class touched them & another child ‘over their clothes in their private area’. This is the 3rd incident of this nature happen in the class (first 2 were ‘tickling in that area’) and the 4th time something serious has happened that has involved him being sent home. It’s never witnessed by the teachers or his 121 assistant (but bullying at the school never seems to be so it’s not just this child).

The child is a lot taller and bigger than the children and although they’ve grown up with him for the past 3 years and they’ve all muddled along with no problems, there are now occasions where children have been scared of him chasing them/hitting out and shouting in class.

He has got a place at a local SEN school but apparently the LA won’t fund the transport for the 26 mile round trip so he can’t go according to his mum (they can’t afford the petrol and the dad’s banned from driving).

So my question is what can we do with a reluctant school? Can we, as parents, put the pressure on the LA to get his transport fully funded so this child can get the best out of his schooling and move to a school more suited to his needs. The school are keen to downplay the incident and I’ve seen the child is back in school today so I’m not sure what lesson has been learnt here, but they obviously cannot cope if he’s being left long enough to touch other children inappropriately and scare children into not wanting to play outside because he’s out there.

Just looking for advice because it seems to me this is escalating and something needs to be done for the safety of all of children in the class.

This is awful, your poor dd. Doesn’t matter if the child has SEN or not, sexual assault is absolutely not acceptable in the school environment (or anywhere), and school should have made sure it would never happen again after the first incident. I would be furious if it were my dd, these poor children should not be allowed to be subjected to behavior like this.

Well obviously.

But if that’s the case then they should also be prioritising funding travel costs to get their kid into an environment where he won’t be able to sexually assault other kids so easily.

This needs to be taken much more seriously. I was touched inappropriately/ SA by someone in a public place at a young age and did not say anything as the person in question had Downs. It had a profound effect on me- my confusion about motives and not wanting to be mean making it worse. The school needs to sort this asap and you need to speak really openly with your child and make sure they know you’ve got their back. Sympathy is one thing- the effect this could have on another kid is another.

How f ing nasty you know nothing about the situation and yes that child should be in Specialist but it is not the parents fault that the LA won’t fund transport. Plus if both parents work there is the logistics. The child needs funded transport for everyone’s sake.

How’s it nasty? You know nothing about the situation either; we know exactly the same amount of detail.

Ultimately, nothing should be superseding the fact that the other kids clearly need protection from this kid. If the LA won’t fund transport (and I don’t think we know why this is), then the benefits the family presumably get should be used.

Would you be content to tolerate this kid in your child’s class?

And child has learnt where to touch others?

No I wouldn’t but I have an SEN child and by the time I use my DLA to fund speech therapy and carers allowance to fund tutors there wouldn’t be a penny left to fund a 100 mile daily round trip to specialist school. My DS has all the provision that I fund written into his EHCP but we are owed 50 hours speech therapy on the NHS and when we get it the quality is appalling plus the school abuse his 1 to 1 funding to pay a TA for the whole ckass. Thats the reality that SEN parents face everyday.

Probably the parents assaulting their child

Christ alive this thread gets worse by the minute.

It’s a 13 mile drive to the school. 26 round trip.

I can only imagine how tough it can be for parents in your situation; I imagine it’s hellish at times. I do feel that if the parents can’t/wont find the travel costs and the LA obviously have a reason they’ve declined to do it, then this kid needs to be out of school, at least temporarily.

It’s a shit solution but other kids can’t be collateral damage because the system is broken and/or parents aren’t fulfilling their responsibilities.

The OP and the other families affected by this touching behaviour would be well within their rights to phone the police at this stage.

This!!! 🤣

Hate speech to call someone a useless parent. Honestly. 😄

Oh Lord!!!! If someone's kid did this to mine, and the parent took zero responsibility, I would be knocking on their front door!!!! And hate speech would be the least of their problems!! 🤣🤣🤣

Me too. I think the OP and the rest of the parents involved are showing a lot of restraint. I think I’d be going round for a bit of a chat too. 😂

26 miles twice a day…

LA’s unfortunately refuse transport all the time as they hope that parents will settle for mainstream saving them money. In my own DS supportive mainstream there are kids who should be in specialist and luckily my DS is coping while his funding is being used elsewhere but I I have had safeguarding issues affecting my DS where a kid was offered specialist but parents refused due lack of transport funding so I get it and have been very frustrated myself with the said parents but understand the practicalities. However the school have been proactive keeping the said child away from my DS and other kids affected.

THIS ☝️

It's abuse.

Also, I'd be very concerned that this child is potentially being abused at home by someone- ''tickling'' sounds highly suspicious.

''Tickling'' is used by pervs to get to touch children under the pretence of ''playing'' and now the child is passing on the learned behaviour.

As a Sen parent what a depressing thread this is (not a criticism of the OP)
Sen parents blindly labelled as "Useless parents" 🙄
Posters really believing that Sen parents should have to quit their jobs to drive their children to an education. 🙄
Lucky them with their perfect lives and having no idea of the battles and costs Sen parents face day in day out.

Luckily I have a very good relationship with my child and we have chatted a lot about personal boundaries and what is/isn’t ok before this even happened but have had further chats about it since. Their main concern is why the child is still allowed to be in the class when they’re ’being Naughty and upsetting their friends’ and up until now I haven’t been able to answer that, however seeing PPs helpful posts about how these systems work I can at least give them more information why doing bad things doesn’t mean exclusion.

I do know of the family (it’s a small village!) and it’s not a great situation for the child. The mum is nice and you can see she’s trying her best but I don’t think she has the support at home. The dad is unfortunately not a nice guy and I’m sure a lot of the behaviour the child is displaying is things they see at home. They like watching Marvel/Pennywise films because there are older kids in the home and considering the child has a brain of a 2 year old (mums words) I don’t know why the parents think it is suitable. I know that part’s none of my business but it does make me feel sad that we’re seeing failure in front of our eyes. The child wasn’t violent/sexual until these past few months and we’ve played at the park with them quite regularly in the past so I do feel sad about the whole situation. I suppose why I was focused on whether I can help change the situation by putting on more pressure on the LA in my AIBU question, however as apps have quite rightly pointed out, it’s not that simple!

Well since that is sexual assault, personally I'd be phoning the police and filing a report. SEN or not, no one should be subject to sexual assault.

In the mean time, don't ask the school what they are doing about the child, thry won't tell you anything as confidentiality. But focus on asking how they will keep your child safe and prevent them being scared and sexually abused while in their care. They have a duty of care towards all the child and that includes preventing and protecting from sexual assault.

Children don't ''suddenly become sexualised'' at this age, surely, unless someone is showing them, or doing stuff to them.

''Tickling'' is repulsive - no child likes being invaded like this.

They may screech frantically, or laugh hysterically, but tickling is a serious no no in my book.

Wandering hands at any age-touching others is not appropriate.

Given the OP’s update, I’d bet that this new behaviour has been a direct consequence of exposure to inappropriate content at home.

If the parents think he has the brain of a 2 year old, they probably think he can’t take in violence/sex info.

The father sounds as useless as posters on here expected. The driving ban was the first clue.

I can’t even begin to imagine how hard the battle is when you have a SEN child and the amount of effort you have to put into fighting all the time, it shouldn’t be this hard!

I didn’t want to put too much about the family in my OP because unfortunately it’s not a great set up and I didn’t want to cloud people’s judgement/answers. The dad has a string of convictions over the past 20 years and is currently driving an uninsured/no mot/no tax car around whilst banned due to drink driving. He really shouldn’t be in the house because there is an offence of violence against the child’s mum as well.

I think you’re all right (who’ve mentioned it) in that the child is witnessing or, even worse receiving, inappropriate sexual behaviour in the home. The parents of the first child who was assaulted went into the office all guns blazing and phoned the police and NSPCC. They were advised by them that there’s nothing that can be done because the child is under 10 so that just leaves the over stretched school to try and sort it. It’s a really depressing state of affairs but the school minimising the behaviour and making the kids play in different areas to the SEN child during breaks just isn’t the way forward.

Completely agree...Goodness knows why people were calling it ''hate speech'' to say the father was useless.

Driving bans aren't handed out lightly.
Driving under the influence of drink or drugs, dangerous driving - it isn't the hallmark of a responsible parent.

At school there was a girl from a chaotic family - the things she said at the time to us as children made no sense at all , but as an adult, I remember the things she'd said {Won't repeat} and it was obvious she was being SA'd.

Sounds like the boy in OP's school is allowed to watch inappropriate videos or whatever they are nowadays.

If you're friendly with the mum, can you not have a conversation with her about your concerns?

That's staggeringly bad that they {Police /NSPCC} can't do anything as the child doing the abuse is under 10!

Could they take action if the child himself is being abused?

Surely they wouldn't sit back and say ''Soz, under 10, come back when he's 11''.
( edit 10)
Can you report to the council? Social Services?
Hopefully they will take sexual abuse more seriously.