Page 3 | School won’t/can’t do anything about SEN child causing distress

Rantypanties · 2025-02-12T11:12:48+00:00

I had a phone call from my child’s primary school stating that the SEN child in their class touched them & another child ‘over their clothes in their private area’. This is the 3rd incident of this nature happen in the class (first 2 were ‘tickling in that area’) and the 4th time something serious has happened that has involved him being sent home. It’s never witnessed by the teachers or his 121 assistant (but bullying at the school never seems to be so it’s not just this child). The child is a lot taller and bigger than the children and although they’ve grown up with him for the past 3 years and they’ve all muddled along with no problems, there are now occasions where children have been scared of him chasing them/hitting out and shouting in class. He has got a place at a local SEN school but apparently the LA won’t fund the transport for the 26 mile round trip so he can’t go according to his mum (they can’t afford the petrol and the dad’s banned from driving). So my question is what can we do with a reluctant school? Can we, as parents, put the pressure on the LA to get his transport fully funded so this child can get the best out of his schooling and move to a school more suited to his needs. The school are keen to downplay the incident and I’ve seen the child is back in school today so I’m not sure what lesson has been learnt here, but they obviously cannot cope if he’s being left long enough to touch other children inappropriately and scare children into not wanting to play outside because he’s out there. Just looking for advice because it seems to me this is escalating and something needs to be done for the safety of all of children in the class.

Theunamedcat · 12/02/2025 18:18

GreenTeaLikesMe · 12/02/2025 13:05

Councils are literally being bankrupted by this kind of stuff. There isn’t the money.

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There was enough money to fund several complaints procedures there was enough money for them to go to tribunal several times there was enough money for them to piss about for three years despite the placement breaking down in mainstream suddenly I got my MP involved and found out they were doing it to a lot of parents hoping they would homeschool I refused my son now has an appropriate school placement with transport not a local school place one twenty miles away they tried for forty miles away first of all then they wanted to send him to a farm to feed chickens

I have a special school five minutes walk from my house that three years ago had space for him 🤷‍♀️ it's not funding its mismanagement of the funding

Things we don't need

Electric car chargers in their car parks
Caseworkers who can't read a map
Caseworkers who decide that disruptive sen children can "wait" in mainstream
Unrealistic expectations from the Caseworker thinking the lowest tier funding will fund a 1-1 five days a week full time

twoshedsjackson · 12/02/2025 18:20

Many years ago, the school where I taught excluded a child permanently, with the parents' full agreement, as a last resort.
His older siblings had a happy and successful time with us, but he was a different proposition. Apparently, he nearly drowned as a toddler, and although resuscitation seemed to be successful at the time, the suspicion is that his brain was deprived of oxygen that little bit too long. His DM was a nurse, and she acknowledged that there was something seriously amiss, whilst asserting that we had done well by his siblings.
His outbursts when frustrated were quite something, frothing at the mouth and soiling himself as well as lashing out, and as he grew bigger and stronger, he was becoming a physical threat to other children.
The LEA could see an expensive specialist placement looming, so did their best to stall, until they had to face the reality of a child without a school place.
None of us wanted him to have an expulsion on his record, but he needed more than a standard setting could provide, and the other children deserved to be safe.

x2boys · 12/02/2025 18:24

theallotmentqueen · 12/02/2025 17:34

I don't understand why the child is in mainstream education. If he has special needs to the point of a placement in a SEN school, he shouldn't be in a mainstream class. Does the school not have a separate SEN class? This is usually the way it works in primary schools, and is best for all children involved - a child with SEN will struggle in mainstream class, whereas SEN classes are more suited to their needs.

The main issue is that this child has sexually assaulted multiple children. If the child doesn't have capacity to understand what they're doing, this is clearly not the fault of the child but rather of all adults involved for not protecting the children properly. It sounds like this child has been displaying inappropriate behaviour for a while toward other children before the sexual assaults, proper action should have been taken to separate them. Additionally, I'm really concerned by the fact that this child has been 'tickling' other children. As horrible as it is, child on child sexual assault is often a sign that the child perpetrator has been sexually abused themselves, as they replicate behaviour done to them, and in my opinion their home life needs to be investigated. The fact that the school has protected none of the children in this situation, including the SEN child, is really disturbing to me. I'd report the school if I were you, and move your child - the school clearly doesn't value child safety.

Schools don't usually have a SEN class
Some schools, may have an autism hub places will only be offered to those who meet the criteria, and children may come from all over the LA.

BananaNirvana · 12/02/2025 18:31

Robotindisguise · 12/02/2025 14:13

I considered reporting this as hate speech (a bit too much like “useless eaters” in my view but actually, I think your unpleasant point of view is probably rampant in local authorities, so let’s hear it.

Are our SEN children made that way by our crapness as parents? What about those like me who have one AuDHD kid and one NT high achiever? Am I a crap parent Monday - Thursday lunchtime and then good at it Thursday afternoon - Sunday?

Do you ever consider that if you are having to buy in support from private providers that perhaps you need to actually create sufficient local provision? Or can our children just fuck off because they don’t fit in?

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I’ve worked in an SEN team and I have never once heard the level of ignorance that this PP suggests - I have never worked with a SEN officer who thinks “lazy parents” should “just move” to get a child to a SEN school. I know there’s a lot of bad blood between LAs and parents with SEN children but this doesn’t help.

rosa17 · 12/02/2025 18:32

I have been someone who worked in a school where this happened and we put immediate actions in place. Firstly, this is a Child Protection issue so try speaking to the safeguarding lead. There should be a risk assessment in place (known as a RAMP assessment) that ensures that the child doing the touching is not unsupervised. They can't just say oh dear and ignore it. If you don't get anywhere with the school you can approach the Local Authority Designated officer (LADO) for your area who should take this extremely seriously. Good luck!

Starlightstarbright4 · 12/02/2025 18:34

LittleOwl153 · 12/02/2025 12:45

School govenor here...

Report this as a complaint in writing using the complaints policy which should be on the school website. This is important as you cannot take things further until you do this.

Focus the complaint on your child.

Your child has been inappropriately touched on 3 occasions.
Child is now frightened to be in certain places in school.
Response from school in protecting your child is inadequate and will likely result in further assaults. Therefore your child is not safe in school.

In terms of what you want as a resolution

Your child to feel safe in school and for this not to interrupt their learning including social time in school. (I.e. the response is not separating your child from their peers).
A meeting with the DSL (Designated safeguarding lead) where the risk assessments pertaining to keeping your child safe in all parts of school - specifically following these incidents - are shared.

There should be 3 stages to the complaint process. Initially you will get written responses from school or maybe a meeting. Hopefully these will resolve the issue adequately. The third takes it to governors. Then you take to OFSted. Ofsted will just throw it back to school if you cannot show you have followed the schools complaint process.

By doing this you are actually helping the 'problem' child and the school as this complaint will form part of the schools assessment that the school is not the right placement for the child and thus push the LA to act.

If you are connected to the other victims- for example if they are your child's bf - encourage them to follow the same process. However do not turn it into a witch hunt as this gives reason for the school to ignore/ dismiss it (as something overblown by parents winding each other up!)

Edited

This a thousand times

Krimmer22 · 12/02/2025 18:38

Haven't read everything yet but my thoughts having driven a minibus to Sen school for local council... Are ... most Sen school are close but if the child has serious issues they get placed sometimes quite far we did have some cars for transport like that but the biggest issue is that the parents will most definitely have a motability car which I'm guessing is sitting in the drive...not the councils fault dad can't drive...drove me mad the amount of times we showed up to pick a kid and there's the car in driveway it's ridiculous and councils cannot afford it...I'm gobsmacked that a child that needy is isn't in a special school of some sort... some of ours never go go to school...it was only when u get a new head who insists they go but you show up and parents make an excuse... sorry I'm sympathetic but it's not councils fault.

KilkennyCats · 12/02/2025 18:43

Robotindisguise · 12/02/2025 14:13

I considered reporting this as hate speech (a bit too much like “useless eaters” in my view but actually, I think your unpleasant point of view is probably rampant in local authorities, so let’s hear it.

Are our SEN children made that way by our crapness as parents? What about those like me who have one AuDHD kid and one NT high achiever? Am I a crap parent Monday - Thursday lunchtime and then good at it Thursday afternoon - Sunday?

Do you ever consider that if you are having to buy in support from private providers that perhaps you need to actually create sufficient local provision? Or can our children just fuck off because they don’t fit in?

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Hate speech…. Dear God 🙄
How do you get through the day?

x2boys · 12/02/2025 19:28

Krimmer22 · 12/02/2025 18:38

Haven't read everything yet but my thoughts having driven a minibus to Sen school for local council... Are ... most Sen school are close but if the child has serious issues they get placed sometimes quite far we did have some cars for transport like that but the biggest issue is that the parents will most definitely have a motability car which I'm guessing is sitting in the drive...not the councils fault dad can't drive...drove me mad the amount of times we showed up to pick a kid and there's the car in driveway it's ridiculous and councils cannot afford it...I'm gobsmacked that a child that needy is isn't in a special school of some sort... some of ours never go go to school...it was only when u get a new head who insists they go but you show up and parents make an excuse... sorry I'm sympathetic but it's not councils fault.

As a driver for the council franky it's non of your business whst parents do with their child's mobility car
Not all children will be eligible but those that are the car is used for the benefit of the child
Thst doesn't the child has to be in the car at all times ,it csn be used for patents to drive themselves to work etc
My sons mobility car is often parked up when his school transport Pick him as his dad works shifts

Krimmer22 · 12/02/2025 19:36

x2boys · 12/02/2025 19:28

As a driver for the council franky it's non of your business whst parents do with their child's mobility car
Not all children will be eligible but those that are the car is used for the benefit of the child
Thst doesn't the child has to be in the car at all times ,it csn be used for patents to drive themselves to work etc
My sons mobility car is often parked up when his school transport Pick him as his dad works shifts

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Yeah but I also knew a guy down south who's kid was in a permanent away school and used the car just for himself...if u see enough abuse it's often valid.

saraclara · 12/02/2025 19:41

x2boys · 12/02/2025 19:28

As a driver for the council franky it's non of your business whst parents do with their child's mobility car
Not all children will be eligible but those that are the car is used for the benefit of the child
Thst doesn't the child has to be in the car at all times ,it csn be used for patents to drive themselves to work etc
My sons mobility car is often parked up when his school transport Pick him as his dad works shifts

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And having a car doesn't mean that the patent has to take the child to school, if it means they can't work to keep a roof over that child's head, or get the child's siblings to their local schools

Some of the children at my school were on the bus by 7:30 on the morning, and would be on it again for another hour and fifteen minutes on the way home. The parent would be doubling that time (so five hours driving) to get them there and back. Working would be impossible.

Transport is provided simply because they're aren't special schools near enough to most parents homes for getting their child there, especially if they have other children to take to their local schools. And it's not always free. The LA that I worked in used to provide free transport for many of our children, but now parents have to pay.

Krimmer22 · 12/02/2025 19:49

saraclara · 12/02/2025 19:41

And having a car doesn't mean that the patent has to take the child to school, if it means they can't work to keep a roof over that child's head, or get the child's siblings to their local schools

Some of the children at my school were on the bus by 7:30 on the morning, and would be on it again for another hour and fifteen minutes on the way home. The parent would be doubling that time (so five hours driving) to get them there and back. Working would be impossible.

Transport is provided simply because they're aren't special schools near enough to most parents homes for getting their child there, especially if they have other children to take to their local schools. And it's not always free. The LA that I worked in used to provide free transport for many of our children, but now parents have to pay.

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Yeah all of my kids lived in deprived areas and none of the parents worked .just got a car and benefits

Krimmer22 · 12/02/2025 19:54

x2boys · 12/02/2025 19:28

As a driver for the council franky it's non of your business whst parents do with their child's mobility car
Not all children will be eligible but those that are the car is used for the benefit of the child
Thst doesn't the child has to be in the car at all times ,it csn be used for patents to drive themselves to work etc
My sons mobility car is often parked up when his school transport Pick him as his dad works shifts

Show quote history

It's my business when we have to try to handle the behaviour of the children on the bus... constant conversation about managing behaviour... with management..

User2346 · 12/02/2025 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Useless parents and SEN transport bankrupting the local authority?

My word what a lovely person you sound.

ThighsYouCantControl · 12/02/2025 20:01

I hate these kinds of threads they bring out the nastiest, most ignorant, meanest comments about children with disabilities and their families, most of whom are doing their best with what little support there is available. Every child in the UK is entitled to an education and it should be an education that suits their needs. It’s not the child’s responsibility or their parents to worry about how the local authority is going fund their child’s transport to the nearest suitable school. They should just do it. It’s their responsibility.

OP, focus on your child and their needs. Did the school staff actually tell you which child touched your child inappropriately or have I misunderstood that? Any incident with my kids that involve another child the other child has never been identified by staff in any school or childcare setting.

User2346 · 12/02/2025 20:02

GreenTeaLikesMe · 12/02/2025 13:05

Councils are literally being bankrupted by this kind of stuff. There isn’t the money.

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Councils can find money to fund barristers to fight parents in court.

User2346 · 12/02/2025 20:08

coxesorangepippin · 12/02/2025 13:12

Hopefully the mum is taking it to tribunal.

^

Can you expand on this? Can you take it to tribunal? What would change?

It is common for parents to go to tribunal to cover transport costs as LA’s often concede on a specialist school but put the onus on parents to transport. Often these schools are out of county and can be over an hour away.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/02/2025 20:11

ThighsYouCantControl · 12/02/2025 20:01

I hate these kinds of threads they bring out the nastiest, most ignorant, meanest comments about children with disabilities and their families, most of whom are doing their best with what little support there is available. Every child in the UK is entitled to an education and it should be an education that suits their needs. It’s not the child’s responsibility or their parents to worry about how the local authority is going fund their child’s transport to the nearest suitable school. They should just do it. It’s their responsibility.

OP, focus on your child and their needs. Did the school staff actually tell you which child touched your child inappropriately or have I misunderstood that? Any incident with my kids that involve another child the other child has never been identified by staff in any school or childcare setting.

OP’s DD is 7 and this is the third time she’s been assaulted, it seems likely she was able to tell her mum who did it.

ThighsYouCantControl · 12/02/2025 20:26

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/02/2025 20:11

OP’s DD is 7 and this is the third time she’s been assaulted, it seems likely she was able to tell her mum who did it.

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Yes, I know. I just wanted to check it wasn’t the staff who identified the child. Fully expect the child to, my children always tell me who’s caused them any kind of upset.

geekygardener · 12/02/2025 20:34

I know of 4 children who get transport to school paid for by the LA. No sen or disability. It's because they live too far from school to get there by bus. The parents drive. The parents chose the school further away (grammar) yet they get free transport. I assume half the children at the school will also get LA paid for transport as it's rural. I'm sure there will be thousands of similar stories all over the country.
Knowing this I cannot get my head around the fact that the LA won't pay for Sen transport to a school a child desperately needs, not through choice.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 12/02/2025 20:52

GreenTeaLikesMe · 12/02/2025 13:07

The dad has a driving ban, so I am guessing these are not upstanding citizens.

Oh to be as perfect as you GreenTea. You should walk a mile in someone's shoes before you judge them and you literally know nothing about these people's lives. Shame on you.

Halycon · 12/02/2025 21:07

Yet another thread where kids can’t safely be in a classroom. There must be about 5 active threads like this on MN currently.

Presumably this boy’s parents are collecting benefits for him - they should be using that to fund the petrol costs to the appropriate school.

I’d genuinely raise hell if my child was being touched like this. It’s happened three times, completely and utterly unacceptable.

Frankly, I’d be telling my son/daughter that the next time this happens (with this boy or any other person), they’ve to hit them hard, fast and repeatedly until it stops. Repeat.

Meanwhile, take this as far as required OP. If the school won’t help, go higher and higher.

Sheeparelooseagain · 12/02/2025 21:12

.."drove me mad the amount of times we showed up to pick a kid and there's the car in driveway it's ridiculous and councils cannot afford it."

The car sitting on our drive is our car not a motability vehicle and is used to get to work. You make a lot of assumptions about parents of disabled children.

starrynight009 · 12/02/2025 21:25

I would remove the whole "why he's at the school out of your mind" as that's not your battle to fight. The fact is your child is being sexually assaulted and I believe, as should we all, that every child deserves be protected from violence and sexual assault. Children doing it to children makes it no less traumatising. You've had good advice from someone about the complaints process. I would also be marching into the school and demanding to know how they're going to make sure that the child is question goes no-where near your child ever again. It's unfortunate that sometimes you have to go mamma bear for people to take you seriously but your child needs you to.

User2346 · 12/02/2025 21:36

Halycon · 12/02/2025 21:07

Yet another thread where kids can’t safely be in a classroom. There must be about 5 active threads like this on MN currently.

Presumably this boy’s parents are collecting benefits for him - they should be using that to fund the petrol costs to the appropriate school.

I’d genuinely raise hell if my child was being touched like this. It’s happened three times, completely and utterly unacceptable.

Frankly, I’d be telling my son/daughter that the next time this happens (with this boy or any other person), they’ve to hit them hard, fast and repeatedly until it stops. Repeat.

Meanwhile, take this as far as required OP. If the school won’t help, go higher and higher.

Dear me “collecting benefits” have you thought that parents may be using these benefits to fund getting an EHCP for their child or funding therapies that are not fit for purpose or non existent in the NHS?