School won’t/can’t do anything about SEN child causing distress

[Rantypanties]

I had a phone call from my child’s primary school stating that the SEN child in their class touched them & another child ‘over their clothes in their private area’. This is the 3rd incident of this nature happen in the class (first 2 were ‘tickling in that area’) and the 4th time something serious has happened that has involved him being sent home. It’s never witnessed by the teachers or his 121 assistant (but bullying at the school never seems to be so it’s not just this child).

The child is a lot taller and bigger than the children and although they’ve grown up with him for the past 3 years and they’ve all muddled along with no problems, there are now occasions where children have been scared of him chasing them/hitting out and shouting in class.

He has got a place at a local SEN school but apparently the LA won’t fund the transport for the 26 mile round trip so he can’t go according to his mum (they can’t afford the petrol and the dad’s banned from driving).

So my question is what can we do with a reluctant school? Can we, as parents, put the pressure on the LA to get his transport fully funded so this child can get the best out of his schooling and move to a school more suited to his needs. The school are keen to downplay the incident and I’ve seen the child is back in school today so I’m not sure what lesson has been learnt here, but they obviously cannot cope if he’s being left long enough to touch other children inappropriately and scare children into not wanting to play outside because he’s out there.

Just looking for advice because it seems to me this is escalating and something needs to be done for the safety of all of children in the class.

Again, I'm talking about this family who are not taking responsibility. That's the thread the OP started, and that's what we're responding to. A parent still needs to take responsibility for a child who has disabilities in terms of their parenting.

@JessiesJ99 just remember that your children could become SEN at anytime through injury or illness.

@JessiesJ99 Okay I was just responding to your posts referring to ‘families’ being reliant on support services and your responses when challenged about what the issues with support services is that you don’t like the idea of people not taking full responsibility for their children. I was just pointing out that when it comes to severely disabled children it’s completely different and the parenting aspect is not something you could understand nor know how you would handle certain situations 🤷‍♀️

Trigger Warning : a bit graphic. I'm not a troll, promise.

As a young teenager I had a bloke I didn't even know, put his hands on my bum, over my jeans, but his fingers were trying to touch my arsehole through the cloth. Like an attempt at penetration with fingers even though he couldn't get them there. So yes, very traumatic. As a young child my grandfather would touch me between the legs over my clothes. Both of these would be considered serious sexual abuse of a minor . The first one would be akin to a rape, albeit digital not actual penetration . Actual penetration I'm sure would be worse. I don't dispute that real rape is life shattering . Rape with a finger not so much but still traumatic .

Both violations, both traumatic. At least they would be if I didn't already have CPTSD (diagnosed and treated) for domestic abuse and verbal and emotional abuse from a parent. I can't say if they damaged me because I already had extreme damage done to me from my parents. My symptoms just got worse as I got older and I was labelled as having EUPD/BPD. A lot of hospital police and social services and supported living arrangements . On disability payments too as I needed a lot of care.

But I can't see how one is different from the other. Both over clothing but the police and social services would suggest same course of action for both sexual assaults.

For me both were damaging. From a child's point of view.

Well of course both are damaging from a victims perspective. I've never said anything other. I still think that one of them is more damaging than the other. If a fortune teller said to me that one of those things was going to happen to me in my future and I couldn't do anything about it, other than decide which one it would be, I certainly wouldn't opt for the latter.

I also think there's a difference in intent between the two. With a young child I can see the possibility of the former being purely attention seeking behaviour. If they did the latter I'd be definitely more than concerned about where the behaviour came from and what they understood about it.

Just for added clarity, both assaults or unacceptable. it's possible to discuss relative harm without condoning one of them.

ETA that I posted this before I saw your post just above it. I'm sorry for what you went through.

Would love to stay and chat girls, but have to finish packing for a family holiday! 🥳😄

Thanks. I guess my concern is that the child feels unsafe and feeling unsafe and powerless in an on going situation especially is the predictor of future trauma, shame, self hate, fear and mistrust of people, feeling violated. If she doesn't feel the school has her back in terms of protecting her, I worry she might feel not worthy of protection or unable to trust adults who don't help her.

to be honest I would hope that school is teaching kids to stand up for themselves against any kind of bullying, and to prioritise their own safety. As adults many of us have ability to do this, harder for a seven year old.

It’s mad how many seem
to be he’ll bent on minimising this.

"This nonsense about getting him to the special school not being the parents 'responsibility' is weak and really not good enough"

The law states that it is the LAs responsibility. If you want to make it the parents responsibility you need to start a campaign for a change in the law.

If the child is touching others inappropriately I hope that the school are investigating this as a safeguarding concern eg not only for your children but the perpetrator. What might they be exposed to at home?

@Sheeparelooseagain I was called a “f-img idiot” for saying transport to a sen school
is the responsibility of the LA. Legally it is and as I live very near one, I would say my LA provide transport judging by the taxis lining up. Dc come from a wide area. It’s very expensive of course but it certainly happens here. Getting a place can take forever but once the place is agreed, transport is provided.

Thats the point it isn’t necessarily I know of a parent currently having to go back to court as the LA conceded for setting but not transport.

Do you know the reason they gave for this?

Just curious as there shouldn’t be much wiggle room for them to get out of it, with it being the law.

All money saving unfortunately especially if it’s out of county or an independent setting.

I just want to highlight that it is very disturbing that sexual assault is being given the “OK” because the child performing the assault has SEN. If a child that did not have a disability was sexually assaulting or touching other children, they would most likely be suspended whilst the matter was being investigated - and rightly so.

I completely understand that we treat children that have disabilities differently, but my daughters state school had a number of children with SEN - since reception, and whilst there has been the odd melt down during lesson, I would be so petrified if sexual assult and inappropriate touching wasn’t handled swiftly.

All children need safeguarding, many have not developed the emotional maturity to handle assault no matter their ability.

They aren't though. Where are you getting that from. They are saying that the LA should be providing transport and explaining why this may happen with severely disabled kids. Not responding in the way you desire or suggesting a solution you dont agree with is not minimising it.

You do realise that around 98% of SEN tribunals go in the parents favour? In other words, the LA are not being lawful.

Snort. Bollocks.

Most Sen tribunals are not about transport. They are about the school. I’m talking about Sen state schools. My neighbours dc went to an out of county boarding school and his parents took him. Another neighbour wants to take their child to the Sen school. Many others get the transport. Occasionally a dc is poorly behaved in a car and then it’s very difficult getting them to a day school. However day school transport is legally required to be provided. So in this case, I’m not sure the dc has a place or his parents don’t want him to go. The existing school often smooths the way to help parents because they know dc cannot stay in mainstream.

I just want to highlight that it is very disturbing that sexual assault is being given the “OK” because the child performing the assault has SEN.

Absolutely no-one has given this 'the OK'

This attitude infuriates me.

The school is not bloody at fault for not being able to manage such a severely disabled child. They've been set up to fail. They're at fault for minimising the sexual assault but they know they can't do anything about it and it's going to happen again because they've been set up to fail.

The LA is under huge financial pressure and is dragging its heels on adding another six figure bill to its budget. They have also been set up to fail.

Some people are just seeing what they want to see on this thread even though it doesn't exist. Not sure why, maybe they can't critically think.

What is your solution then?

What are you on about?! I agree the LA should provide transport. But since that isn’t happening the consensus seems to be that the situation should just continue as is. Plus there are literally posters saying it’s not that bad because the kids have “only” been touched over their clothes. Ffs. You can argue about what the LA should and should t do until you’re blue in the face but for as long as the situation doesn’t change, kids are being harmed. And the consensus seems to be that that’s acceptable until the LA pull their finger out. For what it’s worth: it’s not.