School won’t/can’t do anything about SEN child causing distress

[Rantypanties]

I had a phone call from my child’s primary school stating that the SEN child in their class touched them & another child ‘over their clothes in their private area’. This is the 3rd incident of this nature happen in the class (first 2 were ‘tickling in that area’) and the 4th time something serious has happened that has involved him being sent home. It’s never witnessed by the teachers or his 121 assistant (but bullying at the school never seems to be so it’s not just this child).

The child is a lot taller and bigger than the children and although they’ve grown up with him for the past 3 years and they’ve all muddled along with no problems, there are now occasions where children have been scared of him chasing them/hitting out and shouting in class.

He has got a place at a local SEN school but apparently the LA won’t fund the transport for the 26 mile round trip so he can’t go according to his mum (they can’t afford the petrol and the dad’s banned from driving).

So my question is what can we do with a reluctant school? Can we, as parents, put the pressure on the LA to get his transport fully funded so this child can get the best out of his schooling and move to a school more suited to his needs. The school are keen to downplay the incident and I’ve seen the child is back in school today so I’m not sure what lesson has been learnt here, but they obviously cannot cope if he’s being left long enough to touch other children inappropriately and scare children into not wanting to play outside because he’s out there.

Just looking for advice because it seems to me this is escalating and something needs to be done for the safety of all of children in the class.

It's factual, the child with SEN may not have the cognitive ability to know they are causing distress but that doesn't mean the other are not distressed by the behaviour
I have a disabled child whose behaviour csn be extremely challenging whilst he doesn't have the capacity to understand how his behaviour affects others ,it doesn't mean ww should ignore the behaviour.

"LAs are literally being bankrupted by school transport.
The useless parents need to helped to move closer to the school if they can’t drive."

If the special school is named on the EHCP the LA has to make sure he can get there and parents can't be expected to drive 26 miles to do it.

I considered reporting this as hate speech (a bit too much like “useless eaters” in my view but actually, I think your unpleasant point of view is probably rampant in local authorities, so let’s hear it.

Are our SEN children made that way by our crapness as parents? What about those like me who have one AuDHD kid and one NT high achiever? Am I a crap parent Monday - Thursday lunchtime and then good at it Thursday afternoon - Sunday?

Do you ever consider that if you are having to buy in support from private providers that perhaps you need to actually create sufficient local provision? Or can our children just fuck off because they don’t fit in?

You do not have the right to decide how this SEN child is educated. Back off from there.

You and your children absolutely 100% have the right to insist that your children are kept safe from inappropriate touching by a frightening larger child. If your child is not being kept safe then keep saying so, every time, escalate to the school governors, to the local MP, the LEA and the police that the school is failing its duty of care to your child.

You just must not suggest that they achieve their duty of care by excluding or relocating the other child.

@Rantypanties sorry to derail your thread.

There are actually two safeguarding issues here. Your child and the offender. Behaviour like this is a big red flag for sexual abuse. Raise hell.

As others have said make sure you focus on your child and how they are going to keep them safe because they are failing in their duty of care to your child. You child shouldn’t be sexually assaulted at school full stop.

We have recently had an issue with a child with sen attacking my child. Make sure you keep a paper trail. Yes school are failing both children but frankly my child is my concern so I don’t care what they do about them as long as my child is safe.

But they are! Sexual assault!

It’s the truth though. The safety of OP’s child is being completely disregarded by the school. It’s a safeguarding issue and the school hasn’t taken it seriously at all. That behaviour is distressing.

That’s absolutely disgusting and horrible. Firstly tell your child to fight back for themselves and immediately raise it if this happens again, SEN or not. Shout, shove, whatever. I wish someone had told me that when I was a child.

Tell the school it’s sexual assault and you absolutely will not stand for it. Don’t know what else you can do- threaten to report to ofsted ?

Just realised I meant to say head teacher and DSL.

100% this. ⬆️ I'm a Primary School Teacher.

what a nasty title to suggest the the "Sen child is causing distress".

But he is @helpwithschool . I've spent a 40 year career teaching in special education and will advocate and fight for those children any day of the week.

But their lack of awareness or cognition does not cushion the effect of their behaviour on other children. It is distressing to have one's genitals grabbed by anyone, whether they know what they're doing or not.

OP 's title is accurate. The other child is causing her child distress. We can't pretend otherwise.

Thank you so much for the replies, especially @LittleOwl153 it has been so helpful to give me an idea on what to do next. We’re a small school in a small village and the SEN child has been in our school lives since reception, we’re now year 3 so 7/8 years old. The child has not caused any problems to the other children before, they’ve played together and we’ve been to birthday parties with each other so he hasn’t been treated much differently to any other child before now.

i suppose what I was thinking was by making a complaint/banging a drum a bit louder about it it might help the school push the LA harder to get the child the support he needs for a decent education but as it’s been pointed out it’s not quite that easy! I don’t want him kicked out with no education and I don’t want the children feeling unsafe, I want to do the best for both!!

This is not sexual assault , if friends toddler grabbed your breast when you cuddled them would that be sexual assault? Of course not. There has to be cognitive understanding and intent. That’s not to say your child’s feelings are any less valid and it is inappropriate touching.

Driving ban Dad is also a bit of a let down.

Actually the law states that the intention to touch/make physical contact must be there but there is no need to demonstrate sexual intent.

Obviously this is a small child, under the age of criminal responsibility, who is unlikely to be acting from a sexual motive. Nevertheless it is entirely unacceptable for other children to be subject to repeat touching of this nature.

Your motives are honourable but you won’t get anywhere focusing on the school / LA and their failure in duties towards this other child. Your best angle is to complain about how the school is failing in their duty to safeguard your child. You’ve been given some good advice on how to execute this so I won’t repeat it.
I did want to add, I don’t think you’ve been unkind or unfair in your title nor in your posts. I just think you’ve got more traction in not passing comment on the issues with transport but rather on the school’s inability to protect your child from harm.
Best of luck, really difficult situation for you and for all involvement.

Not necessarily sexual intent I meant any intent. This is a disabled child well below the age of criminal responsibility.

I don't understand why the child is in mainstream education. If he has special needs to the point of a placement in a SEN school, he shouldn't be in a mainstream class. Does the school not have a separate SEN class? This is usually the way it works in primary schools, and is best for all children involved - a child with SEN will struggle in mainstream class, whereas SEN classes are more suited to their needs.

The main issue is that this child has sexually assaulted multiple children. If the child doesn't have capacity to understand what they're doing, this is clearly not the fault of the child but rather of all adults involved for not protecting the children properly. It sounds like this child has been displaying inappropriate behaviour for a while toward other children before the sexual assaults, proper action should have been taken to separate them. Additionally, I'm really concerned by the fact that this child has been 'tickling' other children. As horrible as it is, child on child sexual assault is often a sign that the child perpetrator has been sexually abused themselves, as they replicate behaviour done to them, and in my opinion their home life needs to be investigated. The fact that the school has protected none of the children in this situation, including the SEN child, is really disturbing to me. I'd report the school if I were you, and move your child - the school clearly doesn't value child safety.

Also - I would look into getting support for your child, NOW. They have just been sexually assaulted, and this leaves scars for a lifetime. I should know, I was sexually assaulted at the age of 12. I would look into getting them a therapist, or someone they can speak to about it. I would speak to THEM about what happened - being sexually assaulted can seriously mess with a child's perception of themselves and their own boundaries. I really wish someone had spoken to me about what happened, and had told me that it wasn't my fault, I wasn't to blame. Crucially, I wish that someone had taught me that what happened was very serious indeed, and that this wasn't something to just brush under the rug. Instead, I learned that my sexual assault wasn't 'important', and therefore that I didn't matter, and I should learn to bottle my pain up inside.

I think it would also be useful to teach your child about boundaries, most notably the 'personal space' bubble, and consent (e.g. ask consent before you hug someone!). This means that they'll be able to articulate what happened to them, and understand what happened to them as wrong. Plus, it means that if someone acts in a similar way to them again, they'll know it's wrong. This is especially important, because children who have been sexually assaulted are more likely to be preyed on than children who haven't been. Their boundaries have already been broken down, so they're 'easy targets' for creeps and pedophiles, and will be less likely to report what happened because they'll view it as normal and acceptable behaviour. You need to show your child that what happened to them ISN'T NORMAL. You also need to show your child that you care about their psychological wellbeing after this event - don't just pretend that it didn't happen, even though that might feel easier. Ask them about it, talk with them about it, tell them they can talk to you about it whenever they want.

You can't work in education if you think most schools have an SEND class. The number of schools with a SEND unit is a tiny minority.

Does the school not have a separate SEN class? This is usually the way it works in primary schools,

Where on earth do you live? It's vanishingly rare for a mainstream primary school in England to have an SEND class.

Honestly this is brutal but he should be expelled, just because he has sen doesn't mean other children need to be subjected to what is verging on (if not actually) abuse. What if it goes further? If a grown adult did that to a child what would happen, what would they be charged with.
Meet with the school and ask for a formal complaint, maybe ask other parents to do the same.
I would be livid.

I wouldn't take my DC being sexually assaulted lightly. I will put a very serious complaint with the headteacher and safeguarding lead and tell them if this ever happens again, I am going to the police as it's a very serious matter and I am going to do everything in my capacity to safeguard my DC.

The point is that while it is obviously true that the SEN child is being massively let down, should be supported to be educated elsewhere etc it is not OP's place to complain about this as that is not her child. @Rantypanties's only reasonable grounds for complaint is the lack of proper safety and protection for her own child - which is obviously very serious indeed. It is entirely probable that OP's reasonable complaints will be addressed by putting more effort into providing better support for the other child but that's not OP's place to address.