Do you judge people with loads of kids?

[AureliusS]

I have three primary aged SC, one DS and am pregnant. We look like a genetically related family when we’re together.

None of my friends have more than two children and in my demographic (late 30s, university graduate, higher taxpayer) it seems to be very rare. Certainly nobody I’ve met in baby classes has more than three and even three is rare.

I sometimes feel like people assume we are either on benefits or very rich rather than a regular average family and judge us based on that. AIBU to feel this way?

Generally though I am an anomaly in my NCT group with my huge family of two. No one else went on to have another which is strange really. But I do find most big families have a different lifestyle to me. I don’t judge them but equally don’t have much in common with them.

Wtaf!??? You do know that white British natives are declining don't you. Because of 💩 Brainwashing like this. The state money is there for a reason and it's paid in by everyone

I don’t judge them but I do question their sanity though 😂

@Frostywinterwoods I'm sorry, I'm missing your point? Can you expand? Because you sound a bit racist.

I have 4 myself so no 😅

I really don't think 3 families is large is it? I'm one of 3, I certainly wouldn't classed myself as coming from a big family!

I don't judge, quite frankly it seems if anything outwith the stereotypical 2 kids, 2 years you are judged for it. Parents are told they are selfish for having one child or more than two. Having a big age gap and they won't get on or play together and have them too close together then it isn't fair on the child. We just can't win as parents!

No, I have three and it's a doddle. It doesn't meet my definition of large.

I don’t consider 3/4 children “loads of kids”.

I judge parents who cannot be arsed to parent and let their kids run wild. But I would never judge “large” families. (Unless they are having the taxpayer pay for their lifestyle choice. But then I would also view people who had one child on benefits.)

I was one of four. If anything I am rather envious.

Cool racism dude.

I am one of seven. Three isn't large and we are hoping to use our last embryo to finish the family. Also I think the two child cap is stupid because that isn't a lot of children. Maybe four + would have been a better cut off.

It's certainly observationally true that a third of births in the UK last year were born from foreign born women. Native Brits, of all races, account for fewer children born in this country each year.

I think that is important, there is something to our culture and policies that is having a sterilising effect on the population and we need to be clear about what that is.

I think 3+ is large these days. Parenting is more hands on these days, family communities smaller, both parents often working, more expensive raising children and higher expectations from life. Plus just statistically because of the prevalence of birth control, isn't the average 1.7 now or something? Children in 3+ families will have noticeably different upbringings I think. Growing up 3 was quite common, but most of the people I grew up with only have 1-2 children.

Average is 1.44 now

I'm an Orthodox Jew so no! I'm unusual in my community for only having two. If anything, I'm judged more than women with 6+ children.

I don't think you'd find that my children have noticeably different upbringings though. 😁

Having a foreign mother does not stop somebody being either white and /or a native Brit. (They could all have white “ethnically British” fathers for all you know.

But that comment was clearly racist. I don’t know why you are caping for it.

Maybe there is nothing about “white ethnically British culture” that is “sterilising” and “white ethnic Britons are simply in line with a global trend of people choosing to have fewer children.

But to call somebody “brainwashed” for choosing to have one child and suggesting they have a moral duty to increase “white ethnically British” population figures is racist.

Also who said that commenter was “white ethnically British”?

Honestly, yes because I'm from a large family and don't feel any of us got adequate support and love growing up. I think it gets to a certain point where nobody can support that number of children, no matter how good their intentions.

I do wonder why it is often the people who can least afford it who have such large families.

It might be the only positive thing in their lives

I understand that for some women it can be seen as a positive thing - new baby with new relationships and let's be honest there's a lot of that in certain sectors. From what I see on a daily basis though it doesn't look positive to me - lack of financial stability, the cost of children, bring stuck at home due to inability to secure suitable employment. A family member works with this sector and one of the things they try to tackle is the lack of self confidence and belief that are sometimes common in these women.

It might well be, but that doesn't necessarily translate into a good life for their children.

Well no, but it one explanation for why they do it.