Did I handle this situation wrongly? Man at train station

[Allthewayinbatterycity]

I was in the waiting room at a busy station and a lad who looked to be in his early 20s was standing at the door with his hands down the front of his trousers. I looked to make sure it wasn't pockets but it definitely wasn't.

I am just a bit fed up of what I've seen recently from predominantly men on public transport. Loud sniffing/snorting every 2 seconds, farting, burping, spitting. Most are not like this but it's hard to take the train these days without any of the above.

Anyway I said to the man quietly, why do you have your hands down your trousers in a public area, that's disgusting.
With hindsight I should've just reported him to the train staff. He started shouting at me and I just walked off. But as I say I maybe should've just reported it.

Who are they intimidating?

Op I don't think any of the posters understood or have seen what you are describing.
agree, it's absolutely gross.

But not once has anyone seen a female warming her hands in her vajazil on a train platform? Happy to be proven wrong.

I wouldn’t say anything for fear of my own safety . Yes it’s gross but is it worth it saying it? The thing is you never know who you are speaking with and could find yourself being physically attacked when you approach someone like this.

The real reason they do it - like toddlers, they feel comforted by it, fear attack.

The reason they tell each other they do it - because they're pretending to be concealing a gun there, it makes them feel very tough (therefore NOT doing it is clearly an indication that they do not have a weapon which makes them, they think, vulnerable.)

It is widely understood amongst one another that they are NOT touching their genitals and so any suggestion that they're a filthy pervert, will be met with a pretty aggressive response.

Insecure little boys acting like hard men.

"Thinly veiled racist references" ? I assume this is partly directed at me, a woman of Japanese heritage 🤔 The suggested 'demographic' might be native white British. Only the OP knows.

For reference the guy was white British, early mid 20s

So sorry for your disturbing experience, OP. Any man behaving in that way in public is behaving in a sexual manner and knows it.

I actually did tell a large bunch of football fans to shut up on a train. They were singing / chanting really offensive stuff, loudly. It was the start of a long journey, there were kids in the carriage (not mine) and I just had had enough. It didnt work, obviously, I got called a Karen and no-one else backed me up. I moved carriages after a bit but I think it's awful now that people just feel like there's no reason to be considerate. 😕

I had a similar experience. V crowded train (because of utter shot train company) & I had splurged to go 1st class on a Weekend upgrade for a long journey for some peace & quiet to get some work done. Carriage invaded by about 20 football fans - all under 20 it looked like, vaping, drinking, making an horrendous noise. When I asked them to keep the noise down, they basically mobbed me. They surrounded my seat and tried to see what I was texting on my phone.

I texted the British Transport Police, but they did NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Didn't stop the train at the next station, didn't get the yobs off. Nothing. It went on for over 2 hours.

And it's taken 3 months for me to get a refund on my ticket - but only the 1st class upgrade portion. I'm in the middle of a back and forth about getting a complete refund.

Well done for saying something.

i had a similar situation recently where a teenager was doing the same… except it was in the queue to an all inclusive buffet! GRIM!!

It's disgusting, but no, I wouldn't have said anything, simply out of self-preservation. You never know which person will go absolutely nuts, and it's not worth risking my safety to call them out on it. If possible, I'd just move away from him.

I applaud you. I wish more people confronted anti social behaviour. Particularly from males. But you’re braver than me - it’s unsafe to criticise random ratty lads. You could’ve been a daily mail headline if he’d had a knife and was having an off day. Life shouldn’t be like this. YANBU and YABU for different reasons.

40 Years ago a girl I knew was gang raped on a train by rival supporters. They weren't any less vile in the good old days.

Probably wise. I'd be embarrassingly likely to tell him to get his hands out of his trousers, with an air of irritated disgust. The spirit of an old-fashioned teacher lives somewhere inside me, waiting for excuses to leap out unbidden!

Were the supporters arrested?

OP, I feel the same as you but I wouldn't have said anything because I'd have been too scared to! You're right, women don't sit with their hands down/up their trousers/skirts/dresses and if we did then people would say something but it's right for men to just casually walk around with their hands down their grey joggers?? It's not right, it's not decent but it's not likely to change. Next time give him a filthy look and walk off, it won't phase him but it's safer than confronting imo.

Also agree with the football people. So many times jve been on train journeys (short and long) with football fans, pissed out their heads and screaming and shouting as loud as they can. Sometimes I don't feel safe moving carriages as I've watched them have a go at people that do that or ask them to keep it down so I often just sit there for the duration, worrying of they're going to start on me or if they're going to fight someone/eachother.

But apparently that's fine, let them have their fun. Who cares if other passengers are feeling scared or having panic attacks because of past trauma. As long as they get to be pissed and shout on 🙄.

I asked my 69 year old husband his opinion on this he felt the man's behaviour was disgusting and offensive to women. However he objects to your assertion that those men voting reform are in the same demographic as this vulgar yob. We discussing a social bad habit here not politics.

I do that too, when my Husband is absent-mindedly having a rearrange/rummage! (Not in public, though, he's not an animal when people are about) 😉

I mean as in response to the pp who said she'd reassure him it was still there! 😆

That's exactly what I would have done, I have form, my Husband thinks my look of disgust is hilarious but would quickly wheel my wheelchair (and me) out of potential argument and line of sight. One of the worst was when we were in line at the hospital pharmacy for a prescription and some vile man in front (and just by my face) decided to put his hand down the back of his filthy jogging bottoms and have a thorough rake round. I protested loudly about it (together with my best disapproval face) and asked to come back later, as I felt even worse! I do appreciate he may have had learning differences, but this was highly offensive and disrespectful, as it was right by my face being sat as a captive audience in a wheelchair. Not to mention horribly unhygienic in what is supposed to be a sanitary environment for sick/vulnerable people!

Predictable smear against the Reform party (you unaccountably omitted to call them 'far right) - who are simply small 'c' conservatives - with this bizarre attempt to associate them with the odious Tate 😧

The phrase, 'pocket billiards', was coined because it is a common pursuit.

I think it's odd to just stand down your hands down the front of your trousers. When boys are little we teach them not to do it. However I've just asked my husband if he thinks it's weird and he said no 😐

🤣 I'd forgotten that phrase. I think I knew it at school in the 60s. It's nothing new.