Did I handle this situation wrongly? Man at train station

[Allthewayinbatterycity]

I was in the waiting room at a busy station and a lad who looked to be in his early 20s was standing at the door with his hands down the front of his trousers. I looked to make sure it wasn't pockets but it definitely wasn't.

I am just a bit fed up of what I've seen recently from predominantly men on public transport. Loud sniffing/snorting every 2 seconds, farting, burping, spitting. Most are not like this but it's hard to take the train these days without any of the above.

Anyway I said to the man quietly, why do you have your hands down your trousers in a public area, that's disgusting.
With hindsight I should've just reported him to the train staff. He started shouting at me and I just walked off. But as I say I maybe should've just reported it.

No it's not okay to have your hands in your pants in public. Funny how we never see women standing cupping their own labia.

Completely agree OP and good on you for commenting. I really think calling this out and drawing attention to it is the only way to show people how gross it is and I guarantee there would have been others around you thinking the same.

He responded aggressively because he was embarrassed probably.

There was a guy sat across from me on a bus the other day, just massaging his dick through his joggers. It was absolutely vile. I don't think he was masturbating, it was probably a comfort thing, but seriously who does that in public? Gross.

I'm not defending it just saying it's not illegal. Would you tell a strangers off for picking their nose, eating with their mouth open or sniffing loudly. Even more disgusting imo than the hands down the trousers but not illegal.

This is often what stag and hen does do on trains too, not just football fans…

The man… I personally wouldn’t have said anything unless he was clearly wanking off; and then I’d have reported that. It’s not polite or pleasant but also not illegal, and I’d have just moved away.

The train conductor could be doing anything with their hands before they touch your tickets, let’s be honest. Half the women in my office don’t wash their hands after using the toilet. It’s safe to assume that most people have gross hands…

Football fans sometimes have little self awareness about how intimidating they can be, drinking lager and shouting loudly on the train. It's a testosterone fest and it can be intimidating particularly for lone female travellers just going about their business.

I get that they are having a good time but some of them should be a little more self aware.

Here's the next step but in black - warning content some might find offensive.

Would you tell a strangers off for picking their nose, eating with their mouth open or sniffing loudly.

Yes I would, if they were doing it in front of me on a train, say. Though with sniffers, I would offer them a tissue.

I also told a man who came to stand close to me (and lean on me, FFS) on the train when there was no need whatsoever, to give me some personal space. I'm sure he wasn't doing anything illegal, technically, either but it is certainly anti-social.

It's so sad that we all accept awful behavior as par for the course. Match day shouldn't mean that all social norms and decency are suspended.

@Allthewayinbatterycity - I understand your disgust. The last time I travelled to London on the train, the man sitting next to me was openly watching porn on his laptop, with the sound on. I wanted to report him but then, as other posters have said, I thought it probably wasn't illegal. Disgusting, yes, illegal, no.

I have had almost exactly this before and said to the man in a loud voice, "ahh, can't find it eh??" he luckily quickly withdrew his hand from his pants and scurried off.

I don't think we want to aspire live in a society where people aren't "technically" doing anything wrong.

Technically or not, its still wrong behaviour.

There's a reason we wash our hands after using the toilet.

For all we know he could have an STI and he's going around holding handrails after clutching his cock. I'm not saying this how we catch STIs but it's still disgusting to think about.

If its "technically" fine to do this then technically its fine to dig around scratching your arsehole in public.

It's a disgustingly low bar and I do think it should be illegal.

If you want to police strangers' behaviour crack on but don't expect them to thank you politely for reminding them.

I was been stuck on the Tube with Chelsea fans many years ago and what they were trying to do to me was verbal sexual harassment and bullying, not drunken merriment and hilarious japes. The bunch of fucking wankers. Never had that with Fulham fans.

I have said a couple of times "Get your hands out of your pants, Nobody wants to see that" to young men/teens walking down the street. I think the trick is to say it loudly and confidently. You said it quetly and politely, that, in his head, gave him the upper hand. These people are already rough as anything so if you don't show any authority over them they will just start shouting nonsense. They aren't bright enough to reason with.

From what I understand this comes from gang culture where you do this to show you are carrying a gun. Obviously these guys are just posers and do it just to try and look cool, when in reality they just look like flashers.

What if you need to pick out a wedgie?

I think you were very brave to call this out. This is how it starts; he stands with his hands down his pants a few times, gets away with it so starts playing trouser hockey as well, gets away with that so whips it out and is openly masturbating…and so it escalates. Someone has seen him and told him off, he might think twice about doing it again, well done you x

I don't expect thanks but most people do stop the behaviour if you ask them- I start with a polite request. I've also had other passengers back me up when I've asked someone to turn down loud music. The bloke who was leaning on my shoulder disappeared down the train without another word. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Next time just report him to staff for masturbating in public.

Being stuck in a train carriage with a group of football fans is almost always a nightmare, especially if you're with kids. It never fails to amaze me that grown men think it's OK to swear, talk graphically and shout slurs in front of children. This happens every time. I guess it's a kind of power trip from people who are generally marginalised in society.

And I like football by the way

He was probably sorting out his undies. He wasn't exposing himself yes it's gross seeing someone with their hands down their pants (you see it so often). But you'll also see be firting around getting my knickers out of my arse crack from time to time

You did the right thing by telling him. It would have been weird to report him. Would you report someone for putting their hands in their pockets?

Last year I was sat in the car at Asda, right at the front waiting for my DH to come out of the post office. I was sat watching these two blokes, late 20s/early 30s maybe. They were talking for atleast 5 minutes and the entire time the one I could see full front of was almost elbow deep with both hands down his joggers having a good rummage, playing with his genitals like David Bowie in labyrinth with the crystal ball’s. Then as the convo drew to an end he took his hands out, sniffed his own fingers and then shook the guys hand 🤢😱🤷🏼‍♀️

some men really ARE disgusting.

I don't think those who go to football are marginalised. For the top tiers it is very expensive to go. It's just what happens when a bunch of certain types of men get together in a single sex group and alcohol is also involved. Often my generation - Gen X - are the worst offenders. And some clubs are worse than others for the hooligan/yob element.

I used to go to most home games as a junior member of a Premier League team with my mate when we were age 14-16 and we never had any trouble or harassment, in spite of being very outnumbered. We certainly heard some language and creative insults though, and found some of it absolutely hilarious. We used to go home laughing at what had been said.

It's absolutely disgusting, but as others have pointed out, not illegal and you're no the conduct police.

I'd personally be prepared for someone that ill mannered to get violent. I also think this is about 'power'(or lack of) and they'd just thrive on the dirty looks and remonstrations of those who fund them disgusting, so I'd say nothing and ignore them.

When I was at school in the olden days any boys caught doing this would soon have their knuckles wrapped with a ruler. They never did it again in public, so it worked.

Not sure what we can do now; people are allowed to do what they want without any consideration for others.

I was just saying this the other day, OP. I took a packed very early train to catch a flight and at 6am there are only youngish men on the train. Labourers, service personnel, manual workers etc., ALL i could hear was sniffing, snorting, throat clearing, burping, mouth breathing. Not a hanky or tissue in the whole carriage. It was like being in a farmyard.

Ah that's interesting. This is a behaviour I don't think I have seen very often,if at all, and was wondering why on Earth are they doing this?