She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

Oh what a relief!! Sorry OP, I know that it's obviously worrying that it looks like your Mum may have been taken in by a scammer, but it must be one heck of a relief to know that she hasn't turned into the awful woman we all thought she was.

Just for your information, a woman of 80 fell for a 'romance scam' a while back, and lost £300,000 to him! Sadly, all too often it's older ladies (AND men) who get taken in by these scammers, and it's often the result of feeling lonely, and then when someone comes onto them, they suddenly feel young again, and think it might be a last chance at love. So do please do your utmost to protect her from herself, as many older people in this situation simply WON'T believe that their new man or woman would do such a thing, and then end up losing everything.

Christ that is one hell of an update. Firstly I am sorry for thinking that this was something to do with your brother and I'm sure other posters will feel the same. Thank God she told you and didn't hide it as is so often the case. Maybe she needed to find a way to speak to you.

My first thoughts are advice from the police and a Clare's Law request. There are organisations that can help with romance scams which is what this sounds like (or could just be a good old fashioned conman). I am so relieved she told you.

This thread is nearly full. Do start another if you need some support while you navigate your way through this. There will also be lots of similar threads.

Wow that's awful. Makes sense now though.

Please make another thread so we can be updated.

Oh boy what an update!

So glad you took advice and felt strong enough to ask questions and let her talk - how horrible that she's got some leech playing her for a fool and conning her :( I am so sorry that's the reason behind this (not that there were many good reasons, I was hoping for a brain fart idiotic 'oh i thought it was sat in the bank doing nothing' moment I think!).

I hope you and your brother can haul your Mum out of this mess with minimal damage, I have seen posts from quite a few people who have personal experience with this sort of thing so it may be worth starting a new thread (and im honest I am curious as to how you proceed, but you certainly don't owe anyone the drama and entertainment!!).

Wow OP, what a day for you! Are you OK? That must have been a lot to hear. Well done to everyone that suggested that could be it.

I'm so pleased your brother is with you on this. That must have been a huge relief.

I second the recommendation to check him out online/look into Sarah's law.

I hope your poor mum hasn't lost too much money already. I'd imagine men like that probably do target independent, smart women as they're relying on families to trust the mother's judgement and hoping people won't be suspicious.

Thank you for the update, I was worried and kept checking to see if you'd been on!

I hope you manage to relax a bit this evening after all of the worry 💐

What does your Aunt think about your Mothers New Man, as she appeared at the beginning of your story, and was urging you to return the money, and presumably, sell your house to fund the process ?

Well done, OP. It must be very worrying, but you have your mum.talking to you, and your brother's support.

It is also possible for the relationship to be real, but him being a gold digger / leech. Same outcome, I guess.

Lots of good advice, @HereForItMaybe. One question- do either you or your brother have Financial and Health Power of Attorney set up for your Mum? It’s best to get them organized while the person is still in good health, If not, you should both take a look https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney to find out how to set them up. It’s not particularly complicated, I didn’t use a solicitor to set my Dad’s up.

Setting these up will show this man that people are looking out for your Mum’s interests and if she loses capacity in the future, this will help you to safeguard her.

There's actually nothing, at all, to discuss.

The answer should have been an immediate and polite no. Sorry, I don't want to make myself homeless, I used the gift. I don't understand why anyone would pauper themselves for this sort of demand, no matter who was asking.

Does your aunt know about this potential new gold digger wanting to fleece your mum? Your aunt was piling on the pressure for you to return the money to your mum. Shame on her for being a stupid idiot & potentially being responsible for your mum, her sister, being scammed.

I know from what mum said today that my aunt has definitely met him and likes him - but I haven't yet spoken with her about it, that's just from what mum said today. Will speak again with my brother tomorrow.

If Aunt has been charmed by this man too, I still can't see why she thought it best to pressure me but I'm still unsure exactly what's been said between them.

@Justanotherperson2025 you haven't kept up with the latest updates

Yes, I see that her mother may have been conned, but what I said is still absolutely correct.

I am glad she has found out about the possible con man, and she might have found out sooner if she had just said Nope, don't be daft, of course I won't ruin my financial security, as you know I spent your gift on my house years ago, and what do you need that sort of cash for anyway?

It may be that he's promised they'll all get wealthy and she'll get money from him.

Sadly it seems that many intelligent and educated older ( and not so old ) people are conned by romance scanners. I have an elderly relative who’s a retired doctor and who was nearly scammed. He was only saved by the intervention of his family , who managed to get a power-of-attorney.

Of course it’s very difficut with people like the OPs mum who may well be judged to have capacity while still making reckless financial decisions that seem out of character to everyone who knows them 😥

It's perfectly possible your aunt is also wary but your mum is so caught up in the new man that she thinks everyone will also think he is wonderful. That's what happened to my mum.

Hell of an update OP. Spidey senses and all that. Well done for holding your nerve and letting mum spill the proverbial beans. So glad your DB is onside.
Nearing the end of the thread but we’re all here for support going forward. Hope you manage to get to the measure of “this charming man” quick sharp.

I'm glad you be met up with your DM
It's very likely that the new man is involved possibly putting pressure on her? Or she has given him some of her 100k
Do some digging with your DB and if you suspect financial abuse, then contact police if necessary.

I would suggest having a quiet word with the bank and seeing if they would register your mum as a vulnerable adult. It would mean that they would add a layer of scrutiny to any transfer she made.

Your big problem is if she marries him (and you are not in Scotland where the law is different) as spouses inherit despite what a previous will says.

What an update. I hope you can save her from being conned. Glad you didn’t just hand over the money

You can't go around having "quiet words" with banks. They won't just do that without evidence of need and getting scammed won't be evidence of a loss of capacity......imagine how this could be misused and don't talk nonsense.

Absolutely this!

These scammers and conmen who 'seduce' women into parting with often quite vast sums of money (including their houses) are always charming - if they weren't, they wouldn't be successful. I commend the series 'Love rats' on Netflix to all - it's quite remarkable how many women have been taken in by men they've met in real life (it's not just the online scammers doing it) and then been absolutely fleeced.

My mil was barely in her 50's....
Being scammed isn't just for 'older' people..