She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

I find it very strange that your mum has suddenly decided she fancies a change, and your auntie thinks you should give back the money.

I smell a very big rat here...

Your mum willingly signed all the legal documents to gift the money and now is asking if she can have it back. And only asking you.. maybe because she thinks you won't make a fuss?

Also, I wonder if auntie realises it was used to buy your house?

I would be very very cautious around your mum at the moment. Offer nothing at all and gently sound her out. But do not give her any impression that you could give her money. Even if you had fallen out she still has no claim over money that was gifted. Thank your lucky stars it all went through a solicitor...

I also wonder if your brother is behind this...he's not answering your call and maybe he's asked mum for some more money.

Exactly.

What @doodleZ1 says rings so true!

OP, your DM could very brazenly tell you that yes, DB will give her all the 50k with interest added on top and a holiday to Honolulu. Why should you believe her?! Then you will also be afraid to call this blatant lie out because of fear of calling DM a liar! If you do call her out you will be "greedy", a "bad daughter" AND "incredibly rude", "hurtful" etc. You are opening yourself to all different and hard to negotiate and deal with situations. A truck load of worms.

Another here that thinks it's possible your brother is behind this. Don't give her the money back. Do NOT lose your home. I really hope you have read all these replies before you meet your mother.

Your brother might have gotten a bigger share and now wants more! Don’t be tricked.

Don’t make yourself homeless for these two. Something is not adding up.

Protect your home. Stall stall stall and ask ‘what would my brother do?’ And do that.

Why would the brother be behind it when the mum has said she wants to move to an expensive area?

I never thought it could be the brother putting pressure on fir more.

I hope we're all giving you the strength to keep your home @HereForItMaybe ?

@HereForItMaybe sorry if I missed you saying but what do your close friends think?

Because she, (mother) can say she's moving, then not move, or not give the correct figures.
She may hand the dosh to Brother

I'd anyone else really nervous about this meeting? I'm not remotely confident that OP is going to be tough enough for this.

I'd love to be proved wrong @HereForItMaybe , so PLEASE don't give an inch. I had a difficult mother that I grew up never to dare say no to, so I get it. But I did, in the end, find that inner strength, and it felt so good. This is your home you're defending, and any savings you have, you worked hard for. Your mum isn't entitled to any of it.

I'm taking on board all of the replies, thank you - I will keep factual with her today, and try to see if I can help another way (also will see if there is outside pressure).

No reply from brother, I'm a bit concerned about that.

Can you take a friend? Or at least imagine someone is there with you, who's 100% concerned with your best interests.

Good luck today OP.

I'd also be trying to find out what sort of deadline your mum envisages for this mad scheme.
There's so so many holes in the story and ultimately you have no guarantee that having sold up and moved yourself at personal loss, your DM would actually use the money for the purpose she claims.
Eg.. if she's asking you to sell up. .. Has she put her own house on the market.
Is there some plan (undisclosed as yet) to move in with either sibling or the Aunt? and in fact they are buying a bigger property than her current one?

Has your mum told you things in the past that turned out to be not quite true or incomplete facts?

If push comes to shove, hire your own solicitor, then get you and your mum into a meeting with them, whilst they explain the legalities of gifts.. and also the costs to both of you in buying, selling and moving... Because it sounds to me like your mum, who you said is hard to sway once her mind is made up, and probably will dismiss your arguments. And she wouldn't be able to pull the emotional guilt tripping with a solicitor. But it will be harder to argue with a real life solicitor sitting facing you and explaining the law.
It may sound like overkill.. but you might need it to quash this.

No contact from brother means he knows what it’s about and he wants to avoid discussion. He doesnt want to be seen to be the bad guy and is happy for your mother to do it. Do what your brother is doing, absolutely nothing. I think there’s a tendency to see your parents as needing help esp as they get older, to save them I suppose, your mum doesnt need saving. It’s you that needs saving. Help her but not with money, if she wants money she is wrong. The minute she mentions financial help you are being used. The red flag is money being mentioned. All the while brother sits back and doesn’t care a jot and can hand on heart say, well she agreed. This is a disgrace what is being done to you here, by both of them. My brother was the same, called me selfish and a disgrace while I helped mum and he did nothing. There is no help for these people, nothing is good enough. There is no empathy or fairness.

Is there any chance he’s the one pulling the strings behind the scene pressuring your mother for more money. The fact he was so eager for his share that he went to the bank with her

You're coming across like a total wet wipe here, and I'm sure you're not. OF COURSE YOU CAN'T SELL YOUR HOME!!! Don't even entertain that thought! Your mother gave you the money as a gift, all legal and above board (for those who can't seem to read), and you used it to buy your home. Your mother must now be told the plain, hard facts that you do not HAVE the cold hard cash to be able to return it. It's gone. Money is no more. If she decides, on a whim, that she wants to move to a more expensive area, then she must cut her cloth accordingly. And the aunt needs to keep out if it and let you sort it out. Do not be guilted into selling your home to pay off this now 'imaginary debt'.

Why do you feel you have to help? You should not contribute to this whim in any financial way at all. Your mum has a home, she's had £100k inheritance on top of that, and she's looking for something smaller than her present home. She needs to look within her (presumably decent) budget rather than look to get children to finance something outside it.

I'm often accused of being too nice (in real life, if not on Mumsnet!) and too inclined to people -please. But you really do get the gold medal.

Either your brother has a hand in it.
Or he’s said no and suggested she go to you as you ‘have money’ in your house.
I am not suggesting putting a bomb in your family but that home is your security. It’s really important.
Your mum isn’t homeless or in dire need.

Mum had 100k but is now suggesting her daughter (and only her daughter) sells her home to return a gift she happily (and insisted on) giving.
Brother is avoiding any contact.
Aunt is pushing OP to do it.

I’m firmly on team ‘nope, I absolutely will not sell my house, my car or take out loans, not ever happening’ and that will never change but I think you should dig deeper and ask some questions because there could be a whole lot more to this other than mum just being absolutely horrid.

Be careful OP, don’t just trust what you are told.

This has summed up the legal position very clearly and succinctly, so I hope OP reads this post before the meeting!

@ChristmasPudd1990 Because at the first whiff of his mother sharing her inheritance, he took her to the bank to transfer the money immediately. OP didn't get hers until five months later. He blew it on holidays. OP bought a house. He's not been asked to return money, only the OP who has a tangible asset. Brother has also avoided OP's call which she says concerns her so I presume that's unusual.

I'm guessing you're a people pleaser by nature as you've just said you'll see how you can help?! PLEASE NO ONE BUT YOURSELF.Sorry for caps but I'm concerned you will be manipulated i
Read thread again before you go
Actually it doesn't really matter if your B is behind this or not Please protect yourself

I find your brother's lack of response suspicious.. and so should you.
Be very wary..

Totally agree with this.

Even if you get pushed into saying something you regret at the meeting today... you don't have to do it. You are not under oath and you are allowed to change your position.

These things take a long time to arrange and you can just delay delay delay doing anything. I would expect more facts to emerge as time goes by. Particularly from the brother and the Aunt.

I understand the emotional pressure you are under and its hard if you are used to pleasing them, they are your family afterall, but if you find they are not listening even when you make things very clear to them... then delay and getting professionals involved could be a way of dealing with this. Ultimately. They can't force you unless you let them.