She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

@HereForItMaybe

Sorry if I'm being a bit dim, but does your mum understand that you'd have to actually sell your home to give this money back? And she's OK with this? If so, I just can't wrap my head around that. Why would she want to disadvantage her own daughter for her own desires? You being a homeowner is an advantage for her, too. As a homeowner, you won't end up on her doorstep because you've either been priced out of the rental market or can't find one due to a shortage.

The money was a freely given gift. Not even a 'loan disguised as a gift'. I'd never sell my home or anything necessary to me (ie a car) to repay something that was given as a 'no strings attached' gift. Not even to my parent/a relative. OK, maybe if they were dying and needed life-saving medical treatment.

I hope you don't cave. Your home is your security, now and for your future. Your mum should understand that and “cut her coat according to her cloth”.

If she was gifting money to claim benefits, exactly the same deprivation of assets rules would apply as though she was seeking care at the tax payers expense. DWP would investigate ant the initial claim stage and it would likely be found.

It's not deprivation of assets unless there was good reason, at the time that she gave the money, to expect that she would need care.

For instance, any money that my mum gave me a week before her disabling stroke, when fit and well, would not be considered deprivation of assets. Anything she gave me from the date of her stroke, would be.

There is so much misinformation on this forum about deprivation of assets, it's ridiculous.

Yes, I’m aware. Thanks. Not talking about deprivation of assets for care - pointing out that the previous poster who suggested that she could give the money away in order to claim benefits was wrong. The DWP apply the same vigour to investigating deprivation of assets in order to claim benefits as do the LA if they suspect the intention was to defraud.

I know exactly what deprivation of assets means. The law says that if you reasonably expect to be in need of care at the time you dispose of said assets, then it’s deprivation and you will be financially assessed as though you still owned them. I’m talking about DWP based deprivation of assets for claiming benefit purposes, where no such rule exists. If you deliberately give away assets to bring yourself under the threshold for claiming means tested benefits, it’s treated as fraud.

Sorry , as it was a gift not a loan I spent it on my house which I’m not able / prepared to sell.

The op can get this all checked by the experts at the social security and tax administrations.

Is there any possibility that your brother has asked for more money and your mum has come to you to get it for him?

Makes me think the money is for him like pp suggested.

That would be a massive kick in the teeth, but would explain the silence of the brother😬

@HereForItMaybe are you ok?

How did today go OP?

Think there’s a lot of us here worried and rooting for you!

I hope it went ok and it was all a misunderstanding.

If you read the entire post, you will see that mum gifted an equal amount to her son and daughter, now years later she has decided she wants to downsize but move to a nicer more expensive area so she has asked for the money that she gave to her daughter back...note she hasn't made the same request of her son?

Possibly brother has been asked, said no, now thinks you are trying to contact him to guilt him into it too.

From a legal standpoint the concept of a gifted deposit is very specific, that's why you have to have the accompanying letter stating the gifter understands this and that there is no demand to pay it back. I had to go through similar when my Dad gifted me just over 100k so I could buy my house using money from my grandparents will. You could technically gift the money back to her in the same way, but you are likely to put yourself in a bad position going forward if you don't have the savings to cover it. Your mum needs to understand that gifted deposits are not returnable and that she's putting you in a very difficult financial and legal position by asking for it back. Is she expecting you to sell your house so she can move to a posh area?

I'm sorry for a late update - I'm so thankful for the supportive posts, I didn't think I'd get many responses and assumed they'd be in mum's favour so it's been a lot to process. I've taken it all board as I do have a personality that's a bit soft.

Firstly, I did manage to speak to my brother briefly, he phoned back before I met with mum.

I asked if he'd chatted to mum at all recently about the inheritance gift, he said no, and asked me why I was asking; I was honest and told him.

He sounded genuinely surprised, and said that it's not fair of her to ask, he made it clear he wouldn't be gifting anything back at all. I asked him about potentially both of us gifting X amount, but again he said no - he was very adamant, and said I should say no too.

It did feel a relief to speak with him, almost having permission to say no.

I met mum l, she seemed fine, cheery, and so I asked a few questions about what she has been up to, and if she have anyone new in her life, etc. She does.

I gently delved further and she said a few things that have made me very, very concerned. A man she met at her hobby (the shared hobby with my brother) seems to have almost wedged himself into her life overnight.

We didn't talk about the gifted amount at all - I was so shocked hearing about his new man and gently probing, I think I'm safe in assuming he has everything to do with this sudden backtrack of the inheritance money.

Afterwards, I phoned my brother again and he's furious/concerned - so we're both on the case and looking to the next steps to protect mum.

Sorry this is lengthly - and thank you again for the support, you may well have saved me just going along with this and losing my home. And potentially my mother losing more money too (some is gone on this man).

I know con men exist but I can't quite believe if mum has been taken in. She's not a vulnerable woman - very independent and intelligent.

all a bit strange with this new man on the scene. I do hope your mum isn't being conned.

Does your brother know this man from thr shared hobby?

So glad you met up and were diplomatic. Now you and your brother can look out for your mum
Good job @HereForItMaybe

I bet you feel like a weight has been lifted but maybe a smaller one has surfaced. Having said that, you've got some answers and the support of your brother (and 100s of MNetters) moving forward. All the best for your family.

Eek. You might find a lot of money has gone.

Oh well done, both for bringing brother up to date & for not simply agreeing to gift her money. I’m sure you’ll find it much easier to say no to any requests for money now.

Good luck exposing this gold digger that’s turned in DM’s life. 🤞🏻

It sounds so similar to what my aunty almost fell for recently. She's smart and well informed, and wealthy, but what she also is is lonely and vulnerable due to the aging process eroding her self confidence and she has an almost pathological need to be praised, flattered, and adored. She had this crazy whirlwind intense period with a "privately wealthy" man she met and it had all the textbook love bombing signs, him suggested expensive cruises together mere weeks into the acquaintance etc, thankfully he gave her the ick about something and it's petered out on its own.

Its great you're on your guard and between you and your brother protect your mum from a conman.

oh wow! That's quite an update!
PPs on here were on the ball that there was someone else involved. It's good that you and your brother are now aware and can keep an eye on her & if he's up to no good.

Oh goodness, that is a very worrying update. On the one hand it’s a relief to know that your mum hasn’t suddenly turned nasty. But it’s horrible to think of some man taking advantage of her. Well done to the PP who suggested it, it would never have crossed my mind. I hope you can get her to see the light about this man before he does too much damage.