She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

I'm glad your brother was reassuring and has told you not to sell up.
You know you don't need permission to say no though dont you?

I'm glad that your meeting with your mum went well and that you found out more about what was going on. Its clear you and your brother need to find out more about this man who has suddenly appeared and has taken money off her.

Try to find out more in a gentle way, you want to keep the lines of communication open.

What is your aunts involvement in this? She's was telling you to give the money back so presumably knows all about it already.

Oh no, you need to keep an eye on that man. He may be suggesting investments, or asking for loans.

Wow what an update. If that's the case, the best thing you can do to protect your mum is not give her any money at all. It will end up with him having more control over her.

If you know his name op maybe Google can help. To get older information you need to scroll down to the very bottom of anything that it brings up. When I was trying to rehome a ddog I found details of a very dodgy man who had contacted me. Without Google that poor ddog would have likely met a grisly end.
Maybe suggest you all meet for coffee? You might get a good insight. And he can see your dm has supportive people whose eyes are firmly on him..

So glad you and your brother are on the same page. One of my parents nearly fell for a con man, using a different scam, but it was still scary as they to were independent and intelligent. They kept telling me the man was so polite and nice and I kept saying back that con men wouldn't make money if they were rude.

I hope you and your brother can sort this out. Maybe it will help that legally the money was registered as a gift and cannot be given back? He may give up.

My mil lost 80k....she is also a well educated sensible woman. ..

I’m so bloody glad your brother said no!

Especially as it has helped you also find the confidence and courage to say no should it come up again in future.

Definitely keep communicating with your brother and work together to find as much information out about this man as possible. I’d be wanting to check her bank accounts ASAP but I presume this isn’t something she’s just going to let you do. It’s going to be tough to make her see sense.

Still wonder how your aunt fits into this, why was she pushing for the money to be returned? Wonder what your mum has told her…

Goodness. See what you and your brother can do to protect her. Your brother knows this man. Find out all you can about him.

So pleased that you and your brother are on the same page and now the pair of you can tackle the new boyfriend potential issues .

Maybe the auntie is also sucked in by the bloke.

If your brother knows this man thtough his hobby he should put the thumb presses on... how much has she given him ?

@HereForItMaybe on no! your mother might be independent and intelligent but now she is becoming gullible! that is really worrying! I hope your brother is going to speak to this man about his iffy behaviour regarding your mum? good luck and let us know how it all goes please xx

I'm glad everything is fine!

Of course he can marry her and then bye bye house inheritance. Imagine selling your house so the con man could inherit one in a posh area

Maybe she didn't ask DB because he would tell her off and kick the bloke out?

Thanks for the update, sounds like you’re getting closer to the bottom of it. So glad your brother is on side too.
Very curious now to understand your aunties position on this.
Without knowing details, of COURSE this new man is a money grabber - far too many coincidences.

I would have never thought it - it's purely down to MN posters here suggesting it that I did wonder and ask - I even Googled the best way to approach the subject and used the advice to go gently with questioning. I feel so grateful 🙏

There's no doubt in my mind now that he is not a good person in her life. But we need to tread carefully.

I know it's cliche but you never expect things like this to happen in your life/your family.

What an update. Some PPs called it.

If she's asking for the inheritance back, that suggests that she's already given this man most of the money she has access to, and he is trying to get more.

Is it worth asking the police for a Clare's Law request? It's previously violent and/or abusive men, including financial abuse. You can make the request on behalf of hit mum.

I'm so pleased you've spoken to your brother as well - now you can be a team to support your mum.

What a shock, OP. It sounds like you're already doing research so try to find out the best tactics to help someone disentangle from such a person. It's not clear to me whether your DB knows him or not but perhaps he could tell him to f off in no uncertain terms. You'll be a great support to your mum in this and have hopefully caught it early. Best of luck to you.

That's such a good idea, I will look into that, thank you.

As mum was telling me little bits and pieces, I felt cold as ice - it's still sinking in.

A silver lining is my brother being on the same page and feeling just as concerned.

Oh gosh what a scary update - at least you know now that morally you absoloutley cannot give the money back as it'll end up in his hands.

I think that's unreasonable of her because you plan based on what you have. It's your money now. If she needs help then I'd help her but it's not fair of her to decide she just changed her mind.

There has been a significant update today. Things have moved on. Please catch up.

Really pleased to hear your brother is completely on your side and as concerned as you.

Good luck with whatever comes next.

Do not be emotionally guilt tripped over this.

Bloody hell OP this does sound worrying.
There's a series called Love Rats on Netflix (2 seasons), in all seriousness maybe give that a watch to see if you spot any red flags.

This is so awful, but also such a relief to know there’s a reason and someone pulling the strings rather than your mum just wanting you to sell your home and give the money back!! I’m so relieved that you and your brother are in this together and can do everything to take care of her.

You’ve handled this beautifully and I’m so glad it’s in hand, as scary as it all must be for you! 💐