She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

DM can't reclaim a gift that was freely given, it's not reasonable or fair. But maybe you can help her by talking through her options and help her get whatever she is hoping for the move she wants to make. Does she want to live somewhere safer or closer to amenities? Or closer to family who might help her in an emergency? There may be other solutions that she can afford.

well one question, why does she want it back?

Simple you just say no, you gifted it to me and I don't have to to give or lend back to you. The end. Don't speak of it again.

This!

why does she want it back specifically from you and not him?

Thank you for the replies - yes she's asking me and not my brother as she knows I put the money towards a house purchase, so it's sort of still 'there' whereas he spent his.

I feel like I'm in a no-win situation; if I agree, I lose my lovely home. But if I say no, I'll be the awful greedy daughter.

My aunt (her sister) has now been telling me I really ought to give her the money back.

"Sorry but I don't have it to give back, it was a gift and it's gone"

You are not greedy at all, she gave you the money and it would leave you homeless now. She can't expect this back it's ridiculous and completely unfair, your brother spent his... you spent yours. That's all there is too it

Wtf you're not awful or greedy or anything !! Just say no mum I can't sell my home to fund your stupid downsizing idea. Can't believe you're even entertaining this!!

Say no. what's she going to do, make you? I'd rather be the awful greedy daughter than homeless. There's nothing she can do. If she falls out with you over it, so be it.

Grey rock.

At best I would offer to match whatever your brother gives her.

Nobody who is not being told what to say by your mum (her sister) would tell you to give it back.

Your brother could take out a personal loan if she really wanted money off him but I guess he has a penis so gets a pass. Why are some mums like this?

No, you don't have it to give back, and it was a gift, given freely.

She can downsize to somewhere she can actually afford.

Do not get yourself into debt or force yourself off the property ladder or downsize to somewhere unsuitable or unpleasant for her - she won't actually appreciate it if you do anyway!

She gave it as a gift, she is now clutching at straws trying to have that which she cannot afford and that is not your responsibility to supply. Just like the rest of us, she can sell her current property and buy one she can afford with the proceeds.

Curious though its really not relevant - this inheritance she recieved, did she get it on the general understanding/expectation she would share it with you and your brother?

Is she normally like this?

You are not greedy. She is being ridiculous.

I did ask her why the particular area for her move - she said she fancied a change.

Once she sets her mind on something, that's that. I nearly declined the gift at the time as I felt she may regret it but I knew my brother would definitely not decline!

You'd be a greedy daughter, but she's prepared to make you homeless to buy a more expensive property....0kay.....

Tell her no. You made plans, you can't unmake them.
And why ask only you, and not your brother!

Sorry mum and auntie, I’m not prepared to make myself homeless. Just like DB, I spent the money I was gifted, it’s gone. I can’t give it back. I don’t know why you are asking me and not DB either.

She is ridiculously out of order!

”I can’t, Mum. It’s tied up in my house.Could John sell his cars?”

My flabber is gasted.

Would she actually expect you to sell your home to give her back money she gifted to you so she can go live in a posh area?

I'd tell her I'd pay her £50 a month as that's all I can afford.

It was a gift. The money is gone. It's tied up in a house -who knows if you'd be able to sell anytime soon, or even make the money back. It's a hill I'd be prepared to die on personally. Absolute no from me and they could brand me the evil daughter for all time if they liked. She'd be happy to see you out of your home 🤷‍♀️

You and your brother have both spent it - he could sell his house and give it back so why doesn't she ask him too?

But she is being really bizarre asking for a gift back. And outrageous if she actually expects it back!

Shame on her for bringing your aunty into to it now too to put pressure on you, really out of order

Good grief of course she can’t have it back.

And the cheek of asking you but not your brother.

Did you ask the aunt if your brother should?

say no. You had to go through solicitors with your mum to confirm it was a gift and you do not have the money as a liquid asset anymore. Dont discuss it with the aunt at all.

She will have to move to somewhere she can afford and stop guilt tripping you. It's completely unfair of her to even expect you to sell your home! And to not even ask your brother!