AIBU or my ex? Child maintenance

[MoneyWoe]

Me and my ex share our child equally, half the time each. He pays for some things, like our child’s weekly swimming sessions, I pay for others, like dinner money. So this part is equal but I would say I do most of the organising for things. Example, I will organise our child’s school trips like filling in the forms and he will give me half the money. This has worked but recently I have got fed up of having to message him asking for half of the money for things all the time, so I put in an application for child maintenance. I didn’t realise this at the time but he is on a very large salary and the money it says he owes is hundreds a month, way more than when he was just paying half of things. He is saying he is going to argue this with them as we share our child equally, and according to him, in these sorts of equal cases he doesn’t need to pay any maintenance. He said he will take it to court if he has to. He’s also said I might have to pay any money back if the child maintenance service agrees with him.

AIBU to expect him to pay the maintenance and is he correct in that he won’t need to pay any maintenance in our situation?

She doesn't find it a chore, she's just found out his earnings and has decided to use the "chore" to declare she does more and therefore, entitled.

I'm shocked by the amount of people here finding OP unreasonable because "she's lucky".
It only shows as society we take mental load for granted and it's ok for men not to be held accountable.
The bar is way too low.

I think in this situation, given that neither of you are low earners, it'd make sense for you both to put money into an account for spending on DC. I know a separated couple who have 50/50 and do this and it works very well. I'd suggest you pay proportionally to your incomes so you put in 37% and he puts in 63% - if you decide to put £1000 a month in then he puts in £630 and you put in £370. All agreed spends for DC come from there and anything else gets saved for future.You keep CB as he earns too much to receive it anyway. That's what I'd do and then you get what you need - not having to chase him for money and having extra to spend on DC and him paying a bit more than you as he earns more.

I think you are being really greedy. There isn’t a massive difference in your income if you are claiming child benefit, I can’t see how you are entitled to £450 per month when you split your time 50/50. You’ve probably ruined your co parenting relationship now all because you don’t want to communicate.

Can you suggest splitting some of the more routine admin? Like you sort out dentist appointments, and he does the opticians on his time.

Is he contributing equally to things like buying school uniform, clothes etc? If he's earning £110k and proactively buying everything your DC needs and paying into savings for his future then that's great. If he's on a high salary, but not replacing your childs worn out shoes and expecting you to because he wants to spend all his money on blackjack and hookers etc not so much.

You seem motivated by anger that you have most of the mental load (which really isn't quantifiable in money). Unfortunately that just seems to be something mums get lumbered with, whether separated or in a partnership/marriage. The bonus of it is that children are usually closer to their mums as a result of their emotional labour and thoughtfulness.

Sexist bollocks. Mothers only get lumbered with it when fathers fail to step. It's not the natural order of things or any other such rubbish 🙄.

Agree with this.

It is sexist but sadly it does seem to be what happens generally speaking. If mothers drop the ball with the mental load, fathers don't step up with it and it's the child who misses out. I really really wish that were not true. Why do you think so many women baulk at sharing maternity leave (I did by the way) and go part time (I didn't by the way) in order to spend more time with their children? Mothers are just more biologically programmed to want to be active caregivers to their children. I wish fathers were more naturally inclined that way ... but it doesn't seem to be the case.

He does and pays 50:50 for his child. I personally think you made a bad move here as it comes across as being greedy and soured a decent co-parenting relationship for no good reason. A decent conversation surrounding him doing more 'admin' should have been had before going down this route.

You’re being greedy.

Your ex has your child 50/50 and is paying equally for any extra curricular activities etc.

Why do you think you deserve more money for having your child for the same amount of time that he does.

You’ve found out he’s earning well and you want a slice, end of.

Nowhere in the OP's post does it state that she communicated to him about doing more chores or that he has refused to do things he should be doing. That's how you know this is entirely motivated by money and not money for their child because he clearly has been paying 50/50 with her but more from him means she ends up better off financially.

He's literally doing half the childcare, and paying, pretty much, half the cost of everything? How exactly is this a men vs women thing?

Based on the information provided, you , your ex and your child are going to be worse off because of this decision you made. What were you thinking.

She’s not ruined it, he has by not holding up his side of the bargain and paying half the money back. She wouldn’t have had to put in a claim if he’d been organised and not left her on the hook.

I see the mummy martyrs are out in force today. I'm waiting for the "l get £2 a week and you are so unreasonable" (what they mean is jealous but anyway!).
This is his child as well and he needs to contribute, especially if you are left with the donkey work of dentist appointments, booking the GP etc.

Eh? OP has been quite clear that he does pay for his half of expenses.

but he is contributing?? She says he pays for 50% of everything. Her problem is that she had to fill out a form and ask him for half the money- which he paid by the way. I cant see that he did anything wrong here. He has the child 50% of the time and pays equally for her. The OP is also on a good wage and claims the CB. The child is not doing without and everyone seems to be living comfortably. All this over "admin" that takes about 30 mins a year.

As you have 50% time each I think you having child benefit plus £250 is very generous. No idea what you are legally entitled to though. Would be surprised if life admin is worth £450 per month so i wouldn't be going to court personally.

She has to constantly chase him and has got sick of it, which is an entirely reasonable position. Given their income disparity, him not paying her, even if it’s for a week or so, will impact her more than him.

Yeah I always think there must be a lot of men (who don't want to pay child maintenance) on MN when I see the comments on threads like this one.

Of course she should take what's owed to her and her CHILD. That's not 'being greedy.'

He's accountable for providing equal care to his child. OP THINKS she "does more" based on a few school trips she's organised, but even she admits it's fairly equal. He's not accountable for funding OP's lifestyle just because he earns a lot of money.

What you mean Op is that you recently found out how much he's earning. I agree with others that this is greed

She doesn’t though, in an earlier post OP said that while Ex is on his week with DC if he gets any letters from school or notices online he would deal with it, however as OP also receives the notification she goes online and completes the form straight away. She can’t complain she’s doing this extra work if she’s jumping in to do it instantly, before he even gets a chance.

She doesnt need to "chase" him. There are situations where she received the school trip letter or whatever and she lets him know what needs to be paid, and he pays it. That is how I read her post anyway. She is not claiming that there is any issue to get the money at all.
Sad that this could all be easily resolved- which is why I think it's more about the OP trying to get everything she possibly can rather than being actually annoyed over having to let her ex know how much he owes for something. I mean how many school trips does this child go on?