AIBU or my ex? Child maintenance

[MoneyWoe]

Me and my ex share our child equally, half the time each. He pays for some things, like our child’s weekly swimming sessions, I pay for others, like dinner money. So this part is equal but I would say I do most of the organising for things. Example, I will organise our child’s school trips like filling in the forms and he will give me half the money. This has worked but recently I have got fed up of having to message him asking for half of the money for things all the time, so I put in an application for child maintenance. I didn’t realise this at the time but he is on a very large salary and the money it says he owes is hundreds a month, way more than when he was just paying half of things. He is saying he is going to argue this with them as we share our child equally, and according to him, in these sorts of equal cases he doesn’t need to pay any maintenance. He said he will take it to court if he has to. He’s also said I might have to pay any money back if the child maintenance service agrees with him.

AIBU to expect him to pay the maintenance and is he correct in that he won’t need to pay any maintenance in our situation?

Your coparenting relationship was worth more than the extra you’ll be cashing in OP.

I can't believe so many of the replies here.

Why should you have to do all the organising and mental load if you're supposedly 50:50?

If you're entitled to more money for your child then claim it for sure.

There is an important caveat on the CMS calculator:

If you are receiving child maintenance, your child should live with you most of the time. You will not get child maintenance if the day-to-day care of your child is equal between parents.

It does really depend on what you mean by high earner. But in most circumstances, a 50/50 arrangement means no maintenance is due.

yuve alreay applied?

if youve told the truth then their deision is usually right

What is day-to-day care?? We do share our child equally in terms of days, and he does pay his half of things for our child. But I would say I do more ‘care’ because I organise more things and do more of the emotional side of things, is that care?

I get the child benefit but he’s also said he’s entitled to that too as he has our child half the time and if I’m going down the child maintenance route given our circumstances he will take it as far as court as it’s 50% and according to him that means no maintenance.

CM calculator results are generally very low and the absolute minimum.

If the calculator says it’s owed then I would suggest speaking a solicitor to check figures and get legal advice.

Shocked at some of the replies. OP is greedy???
The money is owed for their child!

If anyone has spoilt the co parenting relationship it is the person who has kept their financial details very close.

Why should OP stay quiet to avoid upsetting the ex!?

How does half the time look? How many nights a week is your child with her father? That's what the CMS tend to look at. If it's an equal spilt of 50/50 nights over the year then you wouldn't be entitled to CMS. I shall caveat that by saying unless that is he is a very high earner. What's the earning disparity?

It’s one week with me and one week with him so it is exactly half. Even when I put in half the time though it still says he needs to pay, but then there’s this day-to-day care thing where maintenance isn’t due which I’ve just googled and it does come up on the child maintenance website.

I earn £65k, he’s on £110k.

I think he should go to court.

I really don’t want to go through that especially if he’s right and he actually doesn’t need to pay maintenance?

What happens then when a form from school comes home, that needs signing/paying for when child is at her Dads? Is that left for you the following week? Or passed to you during his week week? I'm trying to understand this day to day care when it's a perfectly even split?

Care is usually based on overnights. Not on who does what paperwork or mental load.

Although he earns more, I don’t think it is so much more that CMS would be due on a straight 50/50. He would have to repay all child benefit on that income, though, so no point him having it (you may have to repay some, I can’t remember the cut off)

It would seem better to chat to him about him paying 60/40 on the extras like swimming lessons and trips than to do this.

If it falls in his week he will do it sometimes on the school system. But other times during his week, if it comes through to me I will just do it and ask for the money.

You will just have to call them to see. The calculator isn't always exact.
But to keep in mind, he will be annoyed, and won't be required to pay half the extras as CMS will be expected to cover it. So is the amount he's currently splitting things less or more than the figure. You could be shooting yourself in the foot..end up with less money, and a prickly co parenting agreement.

This is the angle I would attack.

Get the lazy arse to do more of the organisation. It's for your son's benefit too. If you were run over by a bus tomorrow, he needs to be able to be a full parent.

Tell him "You're in charge of school stuff from now on and just a head's up, World Book Day is approaching and you'll need to sort a costume."

Also, why can't something like swimming lessons just be his responsibility to organise and pay?

He has organised and paid for hobbies but not in the past 6 months. He does do school events without me too sometimes I would just say I do more.

What exactly do you mean ‘organise things’ and ‘emotional care’?
He won’t qualify for Child Benefit because he earns too much. You’re also a high earner, there’s not a massive difference in your incomes given that you also receive CB. Presumably both of you are paying for any childcare when you have your DC?

Based on the figures you gave for incomes, I would not recommend getting cms through the agency, he is not entitled to child benefit as he earns too much so that's extra for you and if you don't want to chase him for money, total the typical spend per month and ask for that with a little extra for party gifts, sorting appointments etc. amicable is worth so much more than just maintenance

I don’t think you should get more money for your time spent filling in forms etc that’s what parenting is, but if he’s not paying you half of all costs, then yes he should be. It’s up to you if you want to rock the boat by him saying he’ll go to Court, but tell him that will be avoided if he pays half of everything on time when asked.

Be careful here op. If it's 50:50. My friend has the same problem and her ex doesn't need to pay any maintenance as the care is 50:50.

Sadly not in terms of CMS. It's simply a question of nights.
So you have 2 choices, drop the CMS request and then stop organising everything - so allocate tasks (you organise swimming, I'll do judo that sort of thing) and do not interfere if he forgets or messes up, make it clear it's up to him not you to do x, y, z. Or continue with the CMS claim and see how you fare.

How did the ex prove this?

Probably a bit late for that. I think you will find it not a nice co parenting relationship anymore. Why did you talk to him first?

A quick check based on your figures states he should pay around £99 per week. And that's at a reduced rate due to 50/50 care. My question would be, does it warrant that amount? If you feel like he needs to contribute more to the mental load, can he pay x amount via a private arrangement instead or even take on more of that load? Of course if you feel entitled to the full amount then that's absolutely what you're entitled to. Does he have any other children to pay for or living with him? That may impact what you get also