In not making child do homework

[Qwerty21]

My child is given spellings to do 4 nights a week, a homework sheet per week and a school reading book. In year 3. I used to battle with them most nights to do that spellings and get the homework sheet done. We occasionally read the school book but that was another fight too. I've got to the point now where I've said enough is enough and I'm not forcing it anymore. Our evenings have drastically improved, there's far less moodiness and raised voices. But I'm wondering if I'm doing them an injustice but not enforcing it. They aren't falling behind at school, in fact in most areas they are ahead. And we read every night before bed, just not the school book.
I'll be honest in saying I found fitting in the homework a pain around my work, and my child's after school activities, there's only one evening a week we're actually free from after school pick up til bedtime. But if the general consensus is that doing the homework is more beneficial than the stress it causes us both then I'll reconsider my decision.

I'd prioritise reading and times tables.

I'm a teacher and I don't agree with homework in primary. They work so hard all day long at school and I really think that their evenings should be spent doing other activities, having fun, spending time with their families and relaxing.

I have two children. One has been through university and out earns me and the other is there right now and we only did reading and times tables.

Year 3 child here. No more reading books thank goodness. However we have 10 spellings each week, times tables practice, a maths sheet each week and a topic project once a fortnight. Plus recorder. It's a pain with after school activities and a deep loathing of maths- but we do our best.
Tbh I didn't actually enforce anything bar reading until this school year, but I want to instill good habits before secondary school, and 12 terms will vanish quicker than you think!
Wrt you being unreasonable, I think only you know can figure that out. I'd say most of the children do homework at our school in year 3 up. I definitely get irritated with it taking up time though. TT rockstars is the current bane of my life! NOT a 15/20 minute activity in this household.

My main worry about not doing it is the adjustment to doing it in secondary school which makes me question if I should be enforcing it now

It's going to be individual but mine had no difficulty doing homework at secondary school, nor for GCSEs, A Levels nor university.

Homework in primary is bullshit. Reading something they enjoy is great so stick with that!

admittedly I do maths and English at home with my 8yo but that’s because he goes to a tiny SEN school where I get a full daily de-brief which will go into detail with what he’s struggled with, so I do a bit of extra work at home to help him solidify that knowledge. But it’s a very individualised approach that works for him because it is specifically targeting his weaknesses to build his confidence in a safe environment. Generic homework sheets are ridiculous.

Queenfreak

I really disagree with topic projects.

It doesn’t sound like too much if it’s the same spellings on each night plus a piece of homework and reading.

I think regular homework is important for routine / for them to develop discipline. Doesn’t have to be much eg 15 mins 3x a week.

Say a word and ask them to spell it. Anybody can manage that whilst driving.

Its your party. But if a teachers is setting some additional learning outside of school they are probably not doing it for their health. You do not have to follow the instructions to the letter but doing some work in that area is going to be beneficial for the child.

IT SAYS IN THE OP my god!!! Year 3. Aged 7 or 8.

We have a DD who was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD in Yr 4. We had a similar experience and those posters calling this lazy parenting are wrong.

That said, we started smaller and built up the routine of homework very slowly with their favourite (maths) and took it from there. So we dropped spelling for a while, got used to doing maths. Then added in reading. Lots of books that they had choice over as was a very reluctant reader, started with non fiction books. Then finally (only in year 5) added in spellings, using Wordle games to support. Lots and lots of positive reinforcement and don’t try straight after school - they will likely need decompression, a snack, and chill time first. we also cut back on after school activities (only one per week and starts at 6pm) to enable this to happen.

Other parents with ND kids will understand that no amount of punishment, shouting to reward charts will work with a kid with ADHD. diagnosis and medication and a slow steady and determined approach will pay off. We now have our DD in yr 6 who is meeting all expectation and nearly exceeding in reading. Good luck OP. You are not a lazy parent and it isn’t easy, but you can do this.

I complexly disagree with homework in primary school. Perhaps starting in year 6 in preparation for secondary school but not before that.
There has never been one shred of evidence to show it works.

I’m a primary school teacher. I don’t set any homework. I email parents each week to tell them what we have been covering in maths and topic with some suggested activities. They also get a reading book home. I don’t expect anything back but I like to keep parents updated.

I’m a secondary teacher. I didn't make my kids do hwk until y6. Like you, I couldn’t handle the battleground! They’re both above average in most subjects. (Including my son who has ADHD). There’s very little evidence homework does anything at primary. I just make them do it in y6 to get them ready for secondary. Reading matters but you’re doing that. Ignore all the ‘lazy parenting’ posts. It’s smart parenting to ditch something that’s high pressure, low yield! Xx

My main worry about not doing it is the adjustment to doing it in secondary school which makes me question if I should be enforcing it now

It’s not all or nothing, though? You could do the homework sheet at the weekend and the spellings once per week? Or just the homework sheet and drop the spellings?

It's really not that much homework so it's good to get into the routine of it. Practicing spellings really helps. Please don't be too lazy to do times tables when they start. Makes an enormous difference to pretty much all their maths and can't really be done in school.

I knew before your update that your kid has ADHD. THAT's why it's a struggle.

I would work on it, but only a few days a week - maybe Wednesday and Saturday and focus a lot on the organising and doing skills and not a lot on spelling.

Is he sitting down? Does he have his book? Does he know what to do? Does he read what he has to do, then so it, then check what he has done? Remember to do all of it? Put away his stuff afterwards?

Break it down, break it down, break it down to tiny pieces. Use the spelling homework to teach him how to learn.

The spelling isn't important here.

I’ve kids in year 1 and 5. We do spellings in the morning. I write them on the glass sliding doors in the kitchen at start of week. And then when we ride to school I ask them to spell the words as the cycle along.

we read.
we use a computer programme to do times tables and Spanish before breakfast or for a few minutes in the evening.
and some mornings i mix in the times tables etc into our cycle ride

but none of this is done sitting down formally.

My DCs primary stopped issuing homework a couple of years ago, they ask that reading still happens and that the kids use a times table app to practice if they want to but years R-5 do nothing more than that. They have provided resources for those children who do want to do extra but it is optional. I have seen no decline in my DCs progress since they stopped it. After some feedback they have started giving year 6 homework tasks this year but that is more to give them a sense of what is expected when they go to secondary school.

I'd love DS's school to set homework. Take an interest in your child's academic progress.

No op carry on
If your dc are ahead keep doing what your doing. One of mine was ahead and has just got mostly 9s at gcse. At one point in primary I wrote to the teacher asking that we dropped this hw they agreed.

Second dc was struggling but she couldn't learn spelling how school taught it so it was a case of quality over quantity for her and me teaching her in a way she understood.

1st dc was also an advance reader forced to read dross. So I signed her reading book without her reading the school dross.

Second dc had better library by then and I did support her to read the school books.

I never did homework. They are supposed to read 3 times a week, we read at bedtimes very rarely it will be the school book unless said child has picked it. Spellings we practised once a week with 1st, it briefly lasted with our 2nd and I think we’ve done it once with our 3rd. Homework the school went from weekly to termly about 6 years ago, we have done it 3 times and only if the dc wants to do something fun.

Doing no homework has had no impact on any of my DDs education. Only 1 in highschool who has never missed an assignment and coped fine with homework. I’m not worried about my 2nd who starts this year and my 3rd current year 3 is doing fantastic in school, no issues.

I will admit we probably need to focus a bit more on spelling with dd 2 as she usually gets anywhere between 5-8 out of 10, but will get 10/10 when we practise.

I would at least have a go. Write spellings on a whiteboard on the fridge or with magnetic letters somewhere visible. Then go over it a couple of times in the week or if they show interest. Reading keep short and sweet one page/paragraph at a time. Worksheet spend the allocated time and hand in however much or little is achieved.

Horrible to pile grief on, ex-English teacher here. If you are doing spellings, try and practice writing them - it teaches the brain to learn the patterns words make on paper. Then you do it automatically.

I mean, it’s literally your child and his chances of academic success. If you can’t be bothered then don’t, but think about what you’re teaching with that.

Spellings, reading, times tables and a sheet or two of homework doesn’t take hours for the vast majority of children.

I don't think it's an all or nothing thing. I'd possibly skip the homework sheet but I really think it's important to keep an eye on reading - it's the foundation of learning in all subjects. If your child is a good reader then they'll do well across the board.

"I didn't say in my op because fundamentally it doesn't make a difference to whether it's important to my child's education for us to do them or not, but my child's being assessed for ADHD and Autism, so I wonder if this affects how much of a battle homework is (I don't have another school aged child for comparison). As it really isn't a quick or easy thing for us to do."

But it fundamentally does make a difference! If your child is ASD/ADHD they will need a lot more time to decompress before school. Autistic children sometimes also need absolute separation between home and school to keep home their safe space. Or they need to feel in control of their time outside of school to be able to deal with the demands of school. The equation isn't just "does the benefit of doing the homework outweigh the stress of the fight" but "am asking my child to do something that they just can't manage and that might actually be harmful right now."

I actually agree that homework isn't super important in primary beyond reading. But with an autistic child you're making judgements about whether your child can actually cope with a typically beneficial activity on an almost daily basis - so you can't just say that it being beneficial is enough.