In not making child do homework

[Qwerty21]

My child is given spellings to do 4 nights a week, a homework sheet per week and a school reading book. In year 3. I used to battle with them most nights to do that spellings and get the homework sheet done. We occasionally read the school book but that was another fight too. I've got to the point now where I've said enough is enough and I'm not forcing it anymore. Our evenings have drastically improved, there's far less moodiness and raised voices. But I'm wondering if I'm doing them an injustice but not enforcing it. They aren't falling behind at school, in fact in most areas they are ahead. And we read every night before bed, just not the school book.
I'll be honest in saying I found fitting in the homework a pain around my work, and my child's after school activities, there's only one evening a week we're actually free from after school pick up til bedtime. But if the general consensus is that doing the homework is more beneficial than the stress it causes us both then I'll reconsider my decision.

No child likes homework. The problem is, if you don't ensure your child does their homework at this age, then once they reach secondary school, your child is going to struggle. Homework has to be completed at secondary school, otherwise your child will be in countless detentions. You will end up creating a rod for your own back, and won't be doing your child any favours. The homework your child has for Year 3, isn't a great deal to be honest.

That's not my experience - I'm in my 60's, and we had no homework
at primary school. No tables,no spellings,nothing.
We understood perfectly well once we got to secondary school that we were older,school was different and we had homework now.
I remember being excited ( though that did wear off )
It was a non issue

Exactly. The transition to secondary school is the perfect moment to introduce homework - it is part of a very visible change, and it is also the point where homework starts to have benefits.

There are other ways in which children can learn that sometimes they have to do things that are not fun - helping with household tasks, tidying their rooms, that sort of thing. And we have these things called parents to help them learn.

I wouldn't worry about it at that age. Reading with them and to them is the most important in primary. I have never policed homework apart from reminding them and my 3 are all excelling academically at secondary and very motivated.

We did always talk about school and discussed what they were learning and I helped if they asked me.

In my opinion it's really important for kids to become independent and enjoy schoolwork and a daily battle over spellings doesn't help that.

I don't agree. Your expectations increase with age. I see so many parents hovering over everything when they're small and this doesn't teach consequences or self motivation.

Ds is in y5 they get a weekly homework sheet, plus timestables , spellings and reading to be done 4x a week. We do it after tea whilst sat at the table Monday-Thursday . It takes 20 minutes .

Spellings are really important. If you can't fit it around other activities you need to be looking at just how many activities your child is doing.

We also sent ours to extra spelling lessons as they are both dyslexic

At dis school homework has to be in on Thursday, if it's not done they stay in Friday lunch to complete it.

My son is in Y5. He's autistic and has a mild learning disability. He works at Y2 level. He's in mainstream with the maximum level of support an EHCP can provide.
His homework weekly is:
-Whole page of English comprehension
_Whole page of Grammar

• 2 pages of Maths he absolutely doesn't understand

_ TTRS for 20 mins a week

• 6 spelling games on EdShed

-20 minutes of reading a week

• 10 words for his spellings

I think it's too much but I also think he needs all the help he can get. As he completely refuses to sit down with us to do his homework and it creates so.much tension at home, we now paybl for a private tutor to do this with him . He does it with her, but I'm not sure he learns much by doing this. I'd much rather she taught him the maths concepts he's missing instead of trying to get him to do work.he doesn't understand ( all his work is Y3 ,but I think it should be Year 2).

Teacher here - we asked parents what they wanted and they agreed reading and times tables so that is what we do! We ask for 10 mins times tables and to read - however we still get children and parents moaning about this.

I had to help my DC learn a different language at 3 years old because we moved abroad!

Paying my DC always helped motivate them to do homework and chores (their bedroom and bathroom).

I think it’ll bite you both in the bum when they start secondary school if you don’t carve out a routine to get the homework done as least a few times a week.

YABU it's a worksheet and spellings. Spellings is easy to make fun into a fun game or can be done in the car.
If you make them read every evening anyway why isn't it the school book?
And a worksheet once a week is nothing; they should be able to do that themselves while you're cooking tea.

We have a similar amount in Y1.

TBH I think at a minimum reading and spelling you should be doing and ideally you would do the sheet as well. They may not get in trouble but you don't want them to fall behind. Knowing how to read and spell are pretty important and if your child can't spell their spelling words now they are not likely to just start being able to do them without learning them.

Can you do the sheet and reading at the weekend? We do most homework at the weekend.

Spellings we get on Monday for a test on Friday. We do a test on Tuesday morn then practice the ones she gets wrong on the next mornings of the week.

If you need to use the evenings, can you drop an afterschool activity? Do the sheet in a cafe as a treat (but only on the basis that they do the sheet)?

Hi OP, I totally hear you on the homework stress. family life gets busy. My daughters are both on waiting lists for assessments. We have our battles too and have trued a few different things out. But ultimately, don’t feel you have to force it and cause stress to you both. Sounds like your child is doing really well at school.
Have you come across 5 minute mum? She’s in FB/Insta. She has lots of games you can play for spellings, times tables and more. For spellings, I write them out on bits of paper and play the simplest games I can (many whilst simultaneously cooking/emptying dishwasher) - eg. Paper aeroplanes landing on a spelling, child reads it out and can also extend to look, cover, write check. She also does a good one that you can do with craft foam in the bath/shower. TT rock stars for times tables - mine have to do 5 mins on there before going on their choice on the iPad on weekdays. It’s not a battle anymore, it’s become habit - we started with just 2 days. Reading - we try to read the school book 1 night per week and our own in the other nights. Check with your teacher about any comprehension Qs you can ask, but it shouldn’t matter what they’re reading. And shared reading with you is great. we do try to do worksheets once per week - like you, I thought it best to set up habits ready for homework at secondary. So we have ‘workbook Wednesdays’ where set out a nice snack abd the sheets ready for when they get home. We all sit at the table, set a timer for 10 mins and crack on. Again, it took sone building up but now it’s habit and generally no fuss at all.

That’s not a great deal for Year 3.

Makes me sad that so many people in the UK appreciate education and take free schooling for granted.

We had huge fights over anything school related at home. There might be SEN (dyslexia, maybe ADHD) but we met the SENCO to discuss progress and brought this up.

They said do not push and do not force. She works so hard at school then she's probably exhausted by home time so unless she chooses to do it then we don't mention it.

We back off and she's happier and has started reading for pleasure. She had got to a point where she refused to pick up a pen at home though as we were pushing spellings but it never clicked.

OP, the point of homework is to get into a habit that is required for seconday school.
To learn the habit of regular work and study.
To instill good habits.
Learning to study is a real skill and children that have never done homework may sometimes struggle.

I don't believe it needs to be a long time, but the principle every day of doing even the smallest bit is so good.

With my children we did it the minute we got in from school after they changed from their uniform.
I made them a little snack and they quickly did it.
Then we put the books away as the school day was done.
It was a discipline that served them very well.

My child had an ASD diagnosis and had a problem with 'out of context' things/people in Primary school. Teachers met in a supermarket could cause a meltdown, every item of 'school' clothing had to be stripped off immediately we arrived home, school bag could not be repurposed for sports activity etc. That led to immense issues about homework, throughout primary school and I was taken to task by a few teachers who felt that I should force homework. My reply was that home is an oasis, and I was not going to have my home turned into a zoo every day.

What I did was to use social stories about children doing homework, have a homework space, look through the homework and discuss what was needed and encourage. Sometimes it would be done, but not often.

Secondary school was fantastic - they had a homework club after school, supervised by a teacher who helped them if they needed it, assisted by older pupils. They had fun, they ate biscuits, they did their homework!

Yes, my child was more mature by then and understood the value of homework but I think that it was the supportive environment and actually doing the homework in school that made the difference. By the time exams were on the horizon, homework was a breeze.

Yanbu. My kids school doesn't do homework at all (they always cite one study that says that homework in primary aged children shows no benefits. The only thing that does is reading).
We do have a home learning grid with spellings for my younger child every term and I will usually check that they can do that but otherwise it's reading only as far as "homework" is concerned. My kids seem to be doing ok, are happy, and do plenty of reading and sports outside of school.
Edited to add I do check in with my children and will do a bit of reinforcement or discussing a concept if necessary - for example my eldest was struggling with some aspects of maths so I spoke to the teacher and she gave me a few examples to go over. Much more useful to have that targeted approach than churning out worksheets for the sake of it.

I work in a secondary school and there can be a bit of an adjustment but you start small, work your way up and it generally works out ok for everyone 🤷

I got little homework at primary school. It did me no harm. I actually found the homework in year 7 quite simple. We would be set tasks like reading for 30 minutes. I loved reading. Maths homework was quite easy in the early weeks too. We were just recapping things that we did at primary school.

Previous post should have read “don’t appreciate” education!

honestly i feel your main - esp if you are a working mum whose time with children is limited, why would you want to spend it stressing over homework? but the reason they are given is to build a foundation for independent work at home which the child will benefit from as they grow older. my recommendation is: 1. get a tutor, once a week, if you can afford it, to do the homework together and reading 2. give them some independence in doing the homework by letting them choose the time to do e.g. either 4pm or 5pm everyday, get a sandtimer, 10 mins or 15 min, place on kitchen table, ensure no distractions, tv off. only instruct them what to do, do not sit and oversee. e.g. for spelling, write out each word 5 times? and don't test him. let the teacher do the testing. at that age they should be able to read homework sheets alone? only interfere when needed/when ur child asks u because they don't understand. don't focus on getting answers write, that's the teacher's task to ensure children have learnt well. good luck!

Sigh. This goes to the core of what’s wrong with the school system doesn’t it. If you can’t teach kids what they need during lessons, they get extra homework, encroaching on the bit of free time kids have. Because in this system we believe the most important thing is that kids get as good as they can at academics.

yes, doing more homework will make your kid better at spelling. No doubt about it.
As doing more math would make them better at math.

But if that time is take away from:
connecting and bonding with family and friends, imaginary play, extracurriculars, sport/exercise, down time, creativity,

then what is your child loosing out on?

kids can always get better at academic stuff. The sky is the limit, look at Singapore or China, (and the mental well being of those kids).

teachers are made to push for More homework to meet the test standards to again get good Ofsted scores.

this is not about your child’s well-being or development.

as long as YOU think your child is doing ok, then that’s fine! Listen to your gut.

Plenty of kids get forced to focus on academics and do well and get into a god university and then they get a good job, only to wake up at 40 in a massive midlife crisis and realize they don’t even know what they want themselves and never live a fulfilling life, because kids aren’t taught to pursue joy, but just to comply.

Im not saying that you should let them drop out of school or not make an effort if they’re significantly below level, but as long as they’re coasting along, don’t stress. Not all kids are motivated at an early age, some wake up later, lots of very successful people did badly in primary and secondary school and had an academic awakening later on. Some never do and go on to do non academic things and have a good life like that!

but one thing which is for sure is that if you want your kid to have a good life and a good relationship to you, then don’t break their spirit and don’t spend night after night battling with them over homework. Give it a try, by all means, in a positive way, but if it gets too hard, let it go.

that’s my advice ❤️

sincerely a child of two teachers who were raised with this approach and did very well In some subjects and atrociously in others, but have done very well in life and never doubted myself.

We didn't get any homework til age 11 at secondary school.

Is it honestly necessary?

Maybe reframe some of it as games, iSpy, reading together, family activity.