In not making child do homework

[Qwerty21]

My child is given spellings to do 4 nights a week, a homework sheet per week and a school reading book. In year 3. I used to battle with them most nights to do that spellings and get the homework sheet done. We occasionally read the school book but that was another fight too. I've got to the point now where I've said enough is enough and I'm not forcing it anymore. Our evenings have drastically improved, there's far less moodiness and raised voices. But I'm wondering if I'm doing them an injustice but not enforcing it. They aren't falling behind at school, in fact in most areas they are ahead. And we read every night before bed, just not the school book.
I'll be honest in saying I found fitting in the homework a pain around my work, and my child's after school activities, there's only one evening a week we're actually free from after school pick up til bedtime. But if the general consensus is that doing the homework is more beneficial than the stress it causes us both then I'll reconsider my decision.

The other thing is lots and lots of praise. That’s what kids that age respond to. Praise and fun, making things a laugh.

So, if he gets frustrated when he gets things wrong, focus on what he gets right and be really encouraging. Like, ‘you almost got that one right: look, only a couple of wrong letters, you’re nearly there, you’ll get that next go’. At that age it’s building their confidence, making sure they believe they can do it and reminding them how much progress they’ve made and how getting it wrong to start with helps them remember in the long-run.

Lads that age love zany (toilet) humour. So, I used to make jokes when testing mine on spellings: Like, ‘the next word is start, sounds like fart’ and stuff like that. Or I’d contextualise the word in a funny sentence, e.g. if the word is ‘because’, say something like: ‘I can’t come to football this week, because the cat pooed in my football boot’. Or, stuff they respond to, like ‘Salah is a great striker because he can burst away from defenders’. Just silly or fun stuff they relate to, makes them laugh and lightens the mood.

If you really feel it’s too much, then perhaps don’t do all of it. But I think you should do some of it. And I say this as someone who hated primary school homework with a passion when my kids were at primary. I don’t believe it serves much purpose in terms of learning, but I think it’s good practice for secondary. If you spend the primary school years teaching your kids that homework is entirely optional, you’ll struggle to persuade them that it’s compulsory at secondary school. And then they’ll get into trouble for not doing it.

So by all means be a bit selective if it makes for a more harmonious life, but don’t dismiss it all.

As a Mum of three children I was quite lucky that they happily did their reading,usually in the morning when they were rested . Spellings generally on the way to school,just kept everything relaxed and not an issue.
Grandchild definitely more resistant and doesn’t have the personality to cope with too much pushing! Again we just introduce spelling and reading whilst out and about ie in supermarket look at labels etc .
Just don’t make’ homework’ a hill to die on but don’t ignore the fact that your child needs to learn and progress,unless you have absolutely no aspirations for your child!

To me thats way too much. But I grew up in a country where some of the 6yo arent even in school yet.

DS has ASD, he also thought that school work should be done at school not home. Reading is the priority OP, that doesn't have to be the often awful school reading books. Read with him whatever he enjoys.

I would just pick a few spellings to test him on each day. Get him to spell them out to you rather than write them out then you can do it in the car, it'll be much quicker and easier if he is able to do it that way.

I would try and do some of the homework sheet at the weekend. Do it with him when he's eating breakfast or something. Loads of praise, and lots of help if needed, to make it more enjoyable. Just pick a couple of questions on the sheet and make sure he's knows how to do whatever it is, as long as he's confident then no problem.

Haha! Assume that’s dark humour, rather than cattiness or education snobbery.

If the latter, perhaps your kids did go to Oxbridge. But may I remind you Professor Benjamin Zephaniah (one of our most popular contemporary poets, whose work is in almost every school library) left school at 13 and never went to university. But he always found joy in words.

The greatest geniuses don’t conform.

My eldest was home educated until year 5. I’ve never enforced reading or homework. He was encouraged to read what he liked, as much as he liked. In secondary now and way ahead of his peers across all subjects with a much higher reading age than average. Similar with my younger two who are still in primary but joined in year 2 and year 4. You don’t have to make your life more difficult or stressful. Encourage reading books they enjoy and don’t make it a chore.

Ex teacher here. Sounds like you've got a good system for the reading and reading is really (arguably) the most important. Other than the reading I absolutely believe that homework like a sheet a week is pointless for primary children - if they can do it easily then there is no reason for them to do it and if they can't do it then it's too difficult for them so it ends up being done by a parent.
I would probably get a whiteboard and write down the spellings words each week and verbally read them out and talk about them over breakfast or whatever but I'd keep it light and quick.
If the school aren't asking for sheets of paper to be handed in then there is also no reason to do it. Any homework that does get handed in I can guarantee is often not even looked at by the class teacher, or they may tick a corner or stamp it. Though I'm sure some teachers and parents will happily tell me they/the teachers spend two evenings a week marking theirs - which would be madness by the way! Of course there are some children who just love doing homework for fun, which is great but if it has to be forced and causes upset and arguments then don't do it.
When DCs are 11 and at secondary school, that is when they learn the importance of homework and independence and the onus will be on them to be more responsible. At Y3 I wouldn't worry about it.

Love them and read to them!

I'm in two minds about this. On the one hand, there's little evidence that homework improves outcomes, particularly a worksheet.

On the other hand, this is a very light homework load for a Y4 child.

Practising spellings is not a huge ask, and we know that reading DOES improve outcomes (and, to be quite frank, a Y4 child should be reading every night even if it's not set as a homework task.) It's also helpful for them to get into the routine of doing homework before secondary school.

I think the message you are sending to your child is that school work and their education is very far down the list of priorities. Maybe it's a good idea to tell them that if they cannot fit in one sheet of homework over a whole week, 5 mins a day of spelling practise and 20 minutes reading each evening then they will have to drop one of their after school activities as they are obviously too overscheduled if they don't have half an hour a day to do something important.

Do you value education? Do you want your child to value education?

There was a thread recently which was largely about how children hate secondary school and maybe this thread goes some way to explaining why, other than the obvious that it coincides with puberty and all its problems! If a child in primary school is allowed to disregard a small amount of homework then this attitude may be carried forward at 11 and will cause them problems in secondary school. If a child sees their parent is at least making some effort they too may have a better attitude.

You create a love of learning by encouraging kids to be curious and enjoy the process, not by practising for the sake of it and crossing off a check list. A love of learning is much more important than valuing education.

@lightsandtunnels You sound like you were a very good teacher ❤️

Last time I checked the EEF evidence toolkit there wasn't any decent quality evidence that primary homework makes a positive difference.

It also may not. Secondary school is a new environment that will naturally have new rules anyway which isn't difficult for an 11 year old to understand, not to mention they are likely to face consequences at secondary school if they don't do homework.

IME it’s the opposite.

Many hate secondary school because they’re already turned off by all the homework forced on them at primary school/SATs. And the curriculum at secondary is so demanding and dry, and the PIs and demands on teachers so huge, it’s sucks the joy out of learning.

IME the ones who do well, because they’re pushed at home by parents, can end up nervous wrecks by late teens, with various MH issues, or crack up at uni.

Learning should be fun. Not like an anxiety-inducing job.

Try having 2 in secondary school who get an hour a night, both who play sports to a high level so often aren’t home until 9pm, a school day that doesn’t end until 5.30pm and weekend matches! That’s stressful trying to get them to fit their homework in. Really, what you have is absolutely nothing and you are doing your child no favours!

We’re really low demand with our kids out of school (also query adhd/autism). I’d follow your gut if I were you - if it is too much for them, either try to add humour/game into how you are doing them (like spelling bee or hangman) or take it off the table for the time being. I think the worst thing to do is to make something wonderful (like reading) into a battle and a chore. I went to piano lessons when I was a kid and fucking hated them! Put me off for life

I am old. When I was at primary school we did not have homework. One of the things I was excited about and looking forward to on going to grammar school was having homework! Not sure that feeling lasted but not having it at primary certainly didn't have any impact on my ability to manage it at secondary. My parents were very supportive of our education and expected us to work hard and do well but they didn't get overly involved in the actual work, we were expected to get on with it by ourselves and by secondary age most NT kids should be able to. Older children are also more likely to have a later bedtime so there is more time in the evening to complete it. I remember when my kids were in primary school and had homework and most of the time could not possibly have completed it without a lot of input from me. Like another pp said it felt like it was my homework rather than theirs! It made zero sense to me.

When you have a child with SEN you do have to pick your battles, DD who is autistic is in the first year of GCSEs and diligent with her homework. But at primary we had hours of meltdowns including self harming behaviour especially if it was maths she just absolutely struggled with the subject and was already exhausted from containing herself at school.

We did have some success with doing reading and spelling in the mornings.

The battle continues with DS who has ADHD and is in year 4 if it's harder he's so exhausted it triggers a meltdown but it's gradually getting better.

I expect you are OP but I found you need to be in tune with your child sometimes you can push it other evenings you can't and have to step back. As they mature then it does seem to get easier.

Although don't start me on the meltdowns our eldest has had during her A levels!

Mmm. Do you want to help your child to learn? If so, making them do homework may not be the answer.

Dd in year 3 has reading daily & weekly worksheets of timetables (96 of them), English this week is adverbials, maths is fractions, along with 12 spellings & four sentences to include spelling words. It increases in yr4 & yr5. On one hand it’s ridiculous to be doing homework in primary & I feel like telling Dd to not do it. However I work in a secondary school & on one hand it seems a pointless exercise on the other they need all the help they can get & the more you do now the better their ethic, ability & outcome going forward.

My youngest is in Y1 but is STILL only 5 😬 he’s an end of July baby and also the baby of the family! He is young for his age and needs a lot of sleep, he is genuinely exhausted after school and just needs to have his tea and relax in his pyjamas and have a nice bath. He still goes to bed at 6:45pm and is asleep by 7pm I’m not making him do homework. It’s a long day for him already using his brain and he needs to switch off and just be 5 for a couple of hours! I’ve told his teacher we will do it when we can but I’m not forcing it if it’s not what’s best for him at that time. In hindsight he should have delayed a year as he still struggles a little with the workload, however I was advised he was totally ready for reception but the same teachers who now say he’s still visibly just about coping by the end of the day sometimes! He only turned 4, 5 weeks before he started school!