In not making child do homework

[Qwerty21]

My child is given spellings to do 4 nights a week, a homework sheet per week and a school reading book. In year 3. I used to battle with them most nights to do that spellings and get the homework sheet done. We occasionally read the school book but that was another fight too. I've got to the point now where I've said enough is enough and I'm not forcing it anymore. Our evenings have drastically improved, there's far less moodiness and raised voices. But I'm wondering if I'm doing them an injustice but not enforcing it. They aren't falling behind at school, in fact in most areas they are ahead. And we read every night before bed, just not the school book.
I'll be honest in saying I found fitting in the homework a pain around my work, and my child's after school activities, there's only one evening a week we're actually free from after school pick up til bedtime. But if the general consensus is that doing the homework is more beneficial than the stress it causes us both then I'll reconsider my decision.

I think from a child’s point of view (not thinking about parents for a minute) the idea that school carries on at home can be really problematic for some of them.

They want and probably need a delineation between school and home - that’s school over for the day, now I can relax.

If school had to go on a bit longer to allow for that, I think many children would prefer it.

Not saying it would be an easy thing to put into practice (teaching time etc) but it’s totally understandable why some children need that dividing line.

Lots of adults prefer office working, or working in a specified part of the home such as a home office within certain hours, and then a line comes down at (say) 5pm and that’s that done. It’s understandable!

DD went to a state primary that didn’t do traditional homework. (They didn’t have a uniform either which I know will send MN into a tailspin.)

With a little tutoring she passed the 11+ into a couple of local indies.

The only reason for doing it is to prepare them for HW in secondary and introducing HW in years 5 and 6 (which they did only then there was Covid) is enough prep.

I don’t really agree with this.

I think it can be better for children to spend time outside school doing something that they love and/ or can feel they are good at, rather than yet more school, and esp yet more of something they really struggle with.

What's the difference between tutoring and homework?

I don't understand how anyone thinks it's possible to do spellings in a car. How am I supposed to read the words to my child when I'm driving and how are they supposed to right it down?

...despite all my facetious instincts screaming to be fulfilled, I'm not touching that with a long stick.

She was tutored for a few months in Year 5 for the 11+. (And handily helped cover the pathetic provision her school made for home schooling during lockdown.)
No tutoring before then or after.

So, quite a big difference. But I think you knew that.

I check in with my child once a term or so ‘are you happy to keep getting 2 out of 10 in your spelling or would you like me to help you practise and get more’. For year 1-4 it was a resounding happy to get 2/10. Now she freaks out cos I think they lose a lunch play if they get less than 7. But also spelling / reading just clicks sometimes. I wouldn’t worry too much. Be child led. But also think outside the box and sing spellings / times tables etc in the car or bath or other times they might be more amenable to it.

I think it really depends on the child, in primary my eldest never practiced spellings and I had to battle with him to read. Every evening was a nightmare as I used to try everything to get the homework done.
In the end I gave up and told him he would have to face the consequences of not doing it, if his teacher decided to keep him in etc
Now he is at secondary school he has homework everyday and detention if it doesn’t get done, I remind him to get it done and provide a quiet area and snacks but again I don’t battle anymore.
Our second wants to go to grammar school, we are paying for tutoring as he wished, so that he knows what to expect in the exam etc I fully expect that homework to be done and I tell him it has to be done before he is allowed to do recreational things.
If I had to battle to get him to do it, he knows that the tutoring would stop because we are budgeting to enable him to do it, but he seems to complete everything school and his tutor sets with minimal fuss, just a different temperament I guess!

As a high school teacher I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Homework is only valuable if it makes a positive difference to your child which at primary level I think is minimal. I don’t force homework on my DS who’s 9 but he reads regularly and he enjoys making up stories and playing scrabble where we can look at practising spelling in a more holistic way. Once he’s at secondary he’ll be more independent to do his homework without me sat next to him which will be easier. Added in to the fact you suspect your child is ASD/ADHD then really I would be happy to encourage them to think of learning in an enjoyable positive way and do things at home that they enjoy!

There should be no homework in primary school apart from Reading to encourage a love of finding things out, precious family time should not be spent arguing over timestables/pointless sheets/spelling tests.
There's plenty of time at secondary school and beyond to do homework. Schools are just turning children off.
If the school day is not sufficient then it would be better for most families to extend the school day by 15 mins to complete any 'homework tasks'!

Too much imo. My child gets 1 spelling sheet a week and they're expected to read at home daily, plus practise x tables at parents discretion. 100% agree. And if they don't do their hw it's no big deal.

You do realise the schools had to carry on teaching children of key workers and others with safeguarding concerns don't you? So any online/ extra had to he done out of those hours or juggling cover for teachers? Stop bashing schools.

Yes, I do realise that. What our school provided was pathetic. I know that because I was able to access what was on my niece’s school’s website and they had about 3 times as much, every single week. Also a state primary.

Please don’t tell me what I can and can’t post.

You keep doing what you are doing. It's too much for kids when are they meant to be kids? Battling fighting They been at school all day, home is home to be safe reflex unwind.. Far too much pressure far too much work.

Homework is another afterschool activity... you don't seem to find an issue fittng other after school activities into your child's week! Homework is set to support your child in their educational progress. They may be ahead in some areas but that doesn't mean they don't have to continue to complete the set tasks. If you don't get your child into a routine now then you will find it even more difficult when your child reaches secondary school when the amount of homework will only significantly increase.

Only you can decide whether to ensure your child completed the tasks but I can't imagine teachers set homework just for the fun of it!
Good luck!

My experience is that there will be push and pulls at different points but

1. It's important that if you want them to do it, they do it.

We change times when we need to and let them pick when they do it but we have rules like no TV at the weekend until its done. Its up to them if they want to do it in the week or all on a Saturday or have a consequence on a Sunday at the deadline we have in place and being made to do it then anyway. I think that gives them some choice in the when and will help us and them to see their preferred study habits. We've noticed that ours does it during the week around the other clubs or after breakfast so they can get up for Saturday morning cartoons.

1. We are seeing the benefit of the homework which makes it easy to support.

We don't do homework. I told their schools we're not doing it so we don't.

This. Plus if they fall behind and struggle they will feel like it's a punishment which won't end well.

As they get older I think they will question why their parents make them follow some school rules and not others because they will spot that everything is solely at your discretion and I'd they are able to wear you down now woth a battle, it will be worse then.

Imo it's just a stage like the terrible 2s. You assert your rules and stick to them and the message they get is that what you say goes. Which is why picking your battles is important. Maybe this isn't one you want to fight. As long as they don't think they've won through poor behaviour then its up to you.

But please don't be the mum that says stuff like "oh yours are so clever/easy, they never fight or struggle with the work because its easy for them" because firstly its not true and secondly, ours work really hard and apply themselves consistently because we have gone through the battles.