No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

[farmlife2]

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

You did the right thing.

She's not a friend for not understanding and being mardy with you about it.

You shouldn’t feel like a terrible friend and you did the right thing.

Not being unreasonable. She shouldn’t have asked, it’s illegal and would have come back on you.

Absolutely bizarre. Why would you get dropped somewhere with a baby with no way home?

How much more of a 'terrible friend' would you have felt if there'd been an accident and the child was injured or killed?

You did the right thing.

Why couldn’t she have sat in the back with toddler in the middle? Like you’d do in a taxi without a car seat? It was the toddler in the footwell that was the biggest issue for me… so you were both being unreasonable to not think of a better solution.

Assumption someone would drop you at the bus stop?

It's just been preying on my mind and I hate that I was put in that position. But my mother tells me I'm too much of a stickler for rules.

My back seat is full of car seats. There is no room for another adult in there. But I also don't have the taxi exemption, or whatever allows them to do that.

Not unreasonable at all. I can't believe someone risked it and put the poor kid in the foot well.

If she can't get home without someone illegally and unsafely transporting her child she shouldn't go to the group.

I don't drive and would have called a taxi in her situation, or may have walked (regularly walked 2 miles for groups, 3.5 might be pushing it though). I thimk you did the right thimg as it would have turned into a regular expectation.

The nearest bus stop was 3.5 miles away? Was the baby group held in a field in the middle of nowhere?

Not the point I know.

Friend does usually bike. It was just out of commission for the day. I understand why she wouldn't want to miss the group, we're all close and it's only once a month.

New development, so not got the connections with transport yet.

Why didn't you just put one of the car seats in the boot and let her sit in that gap? This seems a bit weird if you had the car seats...

Am I meant to stick the child that needed to be in that car seat in the boot too?

In the foot well? Absolutely not, that's ridiculously dangerous.

Absolutely no way would I have done that, you were right op. The footwell, bloody hell the 70s were a long time ago! Don't doubt yourself, this is on her (and I'd be slightly wary of the friend who actually did do it now)

In an absolute emergency I would have put them on a seat with a seatbelt. But I'm thinking rescuing them from a remote breakdown in the freezing rain, or from being pursued by a t-rex or something 😆

I once volunteered to take kids from DC1's (small) school in my car as part of a school trip. I felt really awkward going back in to the office with one of my assigned kids, a small 7yr old, and insisting I couldn't take her without a booster seat. Her mum hadn't left one to use because "she's fine without one" apparently. It held everyone up while they sorted it and found one. I'm still 🤔 about the whole thing. So many people are far too lax on this, but the rules are clear and it's not fair to end up feeling like the awkward one for trying to keep kids safe (and to protect your driving licence!).

Could you have borrowed a car seat from someone nearby, or was there no room anyway for another car seat?

Not a chance. I was in an accident where another car smashed head on into us. The reason DD and her friend (7 yr olds) weren't severely injured was they were both in suitable well fitted car seats. If a child had been in the footwell they would have been killed instantly. We were on a 40 road less than 2 miles from home. Even a low speed crash could cause air bag release.

I think people that don't drive themselves don't seem to understand the importance of car seats or other safety features of cars.

Perhaps a terrible friend also convicted of manslaughter. 😧

Your "friend" is a selfish, lazy individual. She needs to organise a way of getting home. She should have asked you before hand and worked out a plan.

I presume your back seat being full of car seats actually means the car was full of other kids anyway, so regardless of the seat issue, the car was full? Other why did your friends child not sit in one of your car seats?

No one is mentioning the arrogance of believing that you or someone would take her home after her husband had dropped her off and she had not made any plans of how to get home other than using other people!

I would have told her to sling her hook and get a cab.

No room, unless I put one in the front seat, but it has air bags and then I couldn't have fit my friend. 😁Everyone else there would have been using their car seats too.

If your mother thinks you are too strict on car seats then you must be very careful about letting her go in a car with your children.

I'm glad everyone was okay. Chances are things are going to be fine but you just never know.