Page 12 | No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

farmlife2 · 2025-02-11T07:34:06+00:00

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting. The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend? I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

Cakeandusername · 13/02/2025 11:04

www.markthompsonlaw.com/child-seat-not-of-correct-size/

crankytoes · 13/02/2025 13:13

Newname85 · 11/02/2025 07:58

Why wouldn’t you put the toddler in one of the car seats ? Also, are your car seats permanent fixtures? Seems quite weird that you cannot accommodate small adjustments for a “friend”

Child in the footwell - absolute no.

looks like you didn’t want to help your friend and were making terrible excuses for it.

Critical thinking and reading a bit lacking on your part.

Why do you think there were car seats in the back? Think about it. Give it a minute

crankytoes · 13/02/2025 13:20

JollyZebra · 11/02/2025 08:23

You titled this " No regrets"?? If you were happy that your decision was right and have no regrets over it, you don't need anyone here to validate your actions.
It seems, that despite the title, you do have misgivings. Just talk to your friend. If she just expected that someone would give her a lift from the group, then she needs to realise that is not on and must not repeat it.

Even if you know you are completely in the right, it's not a nice feeling when you think someone is now cross with you

Reallyneedsaholiday · 13/02/2025 13:24

Convolvulus · 13/02/2025 10:01

That does not say what you claimed, i.e. "You’re legally allowed to have a child on your lap, for a one off journey, or if there is no room for another car seat". It is only for emergencies. By no stretch of the imagination was this an emergency.

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It literally says for an “unexpected journey” or if there is no space for another car seat 🙄

changedusernameforthis1 · 13/02/2025 16:10

Absolutely not, you did the right thing.

If they were really stranded and didn't have money, I'd have offered to pay for a taxi but I wouldn't have broken the law.

Cakeorchocolate · 13/02/2025 17:07

Absolutely not. I am a stickler for car seat safety.
Best suggestion if she's in the same situation in future, is to rope in someone else from the group and 1 of you take the child (if someone has a seat spare, 1 take the adult.)

Northernladdette · 13/02/2025 18:32

If she was a good friend, she wouldn’t have asked you to do this 🙄

Original poster

farmlife2 · 13/02/2025 20:10

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/02/2025 10:43

Confusing. So many people have had to ask to clarify. Why couldn't you have just said in the first post.
"I had three children in the back of my car in car seats.. and only the front passenger seat was free. So the friend said they would put the child in the front footwell at their feet."
Effectively your car was full.
Also, at first it sounded like a group at a public place miles from anywhere. but it turns out another mother was hosting, presumably at their home?
If it was at a friends, You wouldn't have been leaving her high and dry in the cold at a bus stop but at a friends house, in the warm, with an extra phone, where she could have got a cab. Presumably friend had a mobile herself.
There were other people there including the host who might have had space or you could have all sat down and worked something out together whilst you were all meeting.
Did everyone else just zoom off?
How did she get home in the end?
If she got home safely in the end it's probably not worth worrying about. Your friend will have learnt the lesson to be more prepared in future.. phone someone else that's coming and ask them to bring a spare car seat she can borrow temporarily, even if its in someone else's car.

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I didn't think so say as it seemed a no brainer that if there had been a spare car seat, this would never have even been an issue.

To answer, she literally asked as everyone was packed up and heading out the door, myself included. You know that stage where everyone has their bags over their shoulder, young babies in capsules being held and carried, coats already on, front door open.

She was going to put her child on her knee. I told her I was concerned about getting in trouble for having an unrestrained child and the safety and that's when she said she would put her on the floor out of view. I said I couldn't do that and she asked someone else. That person, who only had one child with them, did say yes. I don't know what the seating arrangements were in that car. She got home safely in the end.

I have since told her that I am happy to help her out if she is stuck for transport if she gives me notice, so I can make sure I can do it. It's no trouble and I can do better than dropping her at the bus stop, I can take her all the way home. I don't mind if it happens every month, if I'm going. It's not much out of my way.

OP posts:

abs12 · 13/02/2025 20:51

farmlife2 · 13/02/2025 20:10

I didn't think so say as it seemed a no brainer that if there had been a spare car seat, this would never have even been an issue.

To answer, she literally asked as everyone was packed up and heading out the door, myself included. You know that stage where everyone has their bags over their shoulder, young babies in capsules being held and carried, coats already on, front door open.

She was going to put her child on her knee. I told her I was concerned about getting in trouble for having an unrestrained child and the safety and that's when she said she would put her on the floor out of view. I said I couldn't do that and she asked someone else. That person, who only had one child with them, did say yes. I don't know what the seating arrangements were in that car. She got home safely in the end.

I have since told her that I am happy to help her out if she is stuck for transport if she gives me notice, so I can make sure I can do it. It's no trouble and I can do better than dropping her at the bus stop, I can take her all the way home. I don't mind if it happens every month, if I'm going. It's not much out of my way.

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You're a great friend OP. She's lucky to have you.

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 13/02/2025 20:53

I would have done exactly the same!! My kids are in car seats regardless opt how short the journey is and it surprises me that lack of knowledge around car seat safety especially with her comment about hiding them at their feet like the issue is being seen 🙈

GreyAreas · 13/02/2025 21:30

I once insisted on dd having a booster seat when another parent was taking them all to a party. The Mum was very nice about it and put her in the front seat. All the other kids should have been on boosters, but weren't. On the way to the party she got stopped by the police 🫣 (and actually had an older kid lying across the kids in the backseat unrestrained, which I didn't know about). The police pointed out my DD was the only one legal and praised her, and my dd has been convinced I am always right about everything ever since.

ARichtGoodDram · 13/02/2025 21:36

The car seat is a red herring in this one.

For an unexpected journey you can legally transport a child under 3 without a car seat.

However, you didn't have enough space in your car for 2 more people. So the car seat is irrelevant - you didn't have seats for the friend and their child.

She was asking you to break the law and overload your car.

Niknakcake · 14/02/2025 06:30

How old is the toddler? If over 3 then, as the journey was unexpected and short, you could have taken them without a child seat

Newhorizons8 · 14/02/2025 06:49

TheOnlyWayisGerard · 13/02/2025 10:45

You're pretty ridiculous if you think this is acceptable. You're extremely lucky you've never been in an accident.

You did the correct thing, OP. If you were involved in an accident (and statistically most accidents happen close to home), you'd have felt terrible if the child was injured or worse.
Oh, and for those insisting OP change the car seats round for the friend to travel in the back with the child (which is still illegal!), not all passenger seat airbags can be disabled, so not suitable for fitting a car seat in anyway.

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No, not extremely lucky at all. The probability is that you won't have an accident. At 37 years old I've never been in a car accident. Some of you shouldn't walk outside, as there is too much risk.

ShortSighted101 · 14/02/2025 07:11

I would avoid this woman. I once got inadvertently involved with someone who later caused me a lot of problems. I have looked back for red flag signs and one was giving my daughter a lift and I found out later that there hadn't been enough space and one child had gone in the footwell.

If she is so blasé about the law and her child's safety what other rules and social norms will she also decide to ignore?

BlibBlabBlob · 14/02/2025 14:05

IkeaMeatballGravy · 13/02/2025 08:41

You are so, so lucky you were never involved in an accident.

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Indeed. And this 7-year-old still needs a booster seat now; even a backless one would be massively safer than just using the seatbelt. You can even buy a rucksack-type thing that's a bag and booster seat combined.

familyfullofeccentrics1 · 14/02/2025 14:06

Manchesterbythesea · 11/02/2025 07:36

Absolutely bizarre. Why would you get dropped somewhere with a baby with no way home?

This!

TiredMummma · 14/02/2025 19:02

Why didn't you just say you didn't have room in your car? I think you made it more of an issue talking about safety rather than your car is full.

I once offered a lift to a friend but she had a massive buggy so I couldn't fit everything in.

We are still friends!

Original poster

farmlife2 · 14/02/2025 19:44

TiredMummma · 14/02/2025 19:02

Why didn't you just say you didn't have room in your car? I think you made it more of an issue talking about safety rather than your car is full.

I once offered a lift to a friend but she had a massive buggy so I couldn't fit everything in.

We are still friends!

Because it was a safety issue. She knew my back seat was full, that's why she expected to take the child on her lap when she asked. So it was only a safety issue over a lap baby.

OP posts:

AubernFable · 14/02/2025 19:55

farmlife2 · 14/02/2025 19:44

Because it was a safety issue. She knew my back seat was full, that's why she expected to take the child on her lap when she asked. So it was only a safety issue over a lap baby.

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Didn’t she originally suggest the footwell? I think thats what I got from your post- absolutely nuts.

Original poster

farmlife2 · 14/02/2025 19:58

AubernFable · 14/02/2025 19:55

Didn’t she originally suggest the footwell? I think thats what I got from your post- absolutely nuts.

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No, it was lap until I expressed concerns about the legality and safety. Then it was in the foot well so the child would be hidden out of sight.

OP posts:

Lollipop81 · 16/02/2025 07:54

fourelementary · 11/02/2025 07:37

Why couldn’t she have sat in the back with toddler in the middle? Like you’d do in a taxi without a car seat? It was the toddler in the footwell that was the biggest issue for me… so you were both being unreasonable to not think of a better solution.

Because it’s illegal, it’s only legal in a taxi

Lollipop81 · 16/02/2025 07:59

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:06

She's a fully capable adult who doesn't need me to arrange her cabs. I am not a cab and don't have an exemption for unrestrained kids btw. I drive safely but the people I share the road with might not that day. You just never know.

If I'd agreed it would be my fine, my conviction, my license and, worst, having to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. Which is what flashed through my head when she asked.

I also can't afford to pay for a cab for her.

Edited

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Actually can’t believe some of the responses you are getting 🤣

Eldermilleniallyogii · 16/02/2025 08:43

I also think your OP was I clear but you were not unreasonable in saying no to her. If you'd have said no she'd have expected it again. Now she knows. Not sure why others think you have have ordered her a taxi.

fingerbobz · 16/02/2025 10:48

Wouldn't it have been safer to sit toddler in the back with a seatbelt on?

Footwell?