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Original poster

No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

309 replies

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:34

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 11/02/2025 07:53

Absolutely no way I'd ever consider that.

harijes · 11/02/2025 07:54

I would not have out a toddler in the footwell or boot.

However, for a close friend I would have found an alternative. Left one child with another parent and taken her there and come back. It would not have taken long.

Whaleandsnail6 · 11/02/2025 07:54

I would have done the same as you.

She was silly for not thinking about how she would get home from the group and it was unfair of her to put others in a situation they were not comfortable with.

And also not thinking about the safety of her child, putting her preference to attend the group ahead of their safety.

If she really doesnt mind not travelling with a suitable car seat She should have ordered a taxi, who is allowed to take a child travelling without a car seat rather than ask her friends to do this

potatopaws · 11/02/2025 07:54

I think OP is not unreasonable.

But seriously? “she’s not a friend for not understanding and being mardy with you” Bit over the top don’t you think? @HereNext

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:54

stichguru · 11/02/2025 07:50

Your "friend" is a selfish, lazy individual. She needs to organise a way of getting home. She should have asked you before hand and worked out a plan.

I presume your back seat being full of car seats actually means the car was full of other kids anyway, so regardless of the seat issue, the car was full? Other why did your friends child not sit in one of your car seats?

The car was full. The front passenger seat was empty, so I'd have been happy to carry another adult and would have taken her all the way home if it had just been my friend. She doesn't have form for this.

OP posts:
GoneGirl12345 · 11/02/2025 07:57

harijes · 11/02/2025 07:54

I would not have out a toddler in the footwell or boot.

However, for a close friend I would have found an alternative. Left one child with another parent and taken her there and come back. It would not have taken long.

Yeah I was thinking this as the only other option. But she is very cheeky and should have just called a cab.

westisbest1982 · 11/02/2025 07:57

You did the right thing. Has she not heard of taxis? Probably, but likely didn’t want to cough up the money for one.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:57

harijes · 11/02/2025 07:54

I would not have out a toddler in the footwell or boot.

However, for a close friend I would have found an alternative. Left one child with another parent and taken her there and come back. It would not have taken long.

I suppose that could have been an option. It didn't occur to me at the time and everyone else was getting ready to go, so I'd have felt bad asking that of them. It also means the person hosting would have had to have people there for longer. If my friend had come up with that, I could have asked to do that, but I'd have felt bad imposing.

OP posts:
Newname85 · 11/02/2025 07:58

Why wouldn’t you put the toddler in one of the car seats ? Also, are your car seats permanent fixtures? Seems quite weird that you cannot accommodate small adjustments for a “friend”

Child in the footwell - absolute no.

looks like you didn’t want to help your friend and were making terrible excuses for it.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:59

Newname85 · 11/02/2025 07:58

Why wouldn’t you put the toddler in one of the car seats ? Also, are your car seats permanent fixtures? Seems quite weird that you cannot accommodate small adjustments for a “friend”

Child in the footwell - absolute no.

looks like you didn’t want to help your friend and were making terrible excuses for it.

My kids were in the car seats.

OP posts:
Caerulea · 11/02/2025 08:00

I'm a bit confused why her partner dropped her off with no way of getting home? I'm also a bit 😬 that she would have cycled the roads with a toddler? Or are there cycle paths?

Newname85 · 11/02/2025 08:00

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:59

My kids were in the car seats.

Show quote history

Sorry, didn’t see that. All 3 spaces in the back seat occupied - is it ?

Olika · 11/02/2025 08:01

I would have refused as well. She should have thought it through before attending.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:02

Newname85 · 11/02/2025 08:00

Sorry, didn’t see that. All 3 spaces in the back seat occupied - is it ?

Show quote history

Yes, and today I had the small car since I only had three kids with me. If she'd given me a heads up I could have taken the bigger car with an extra row of seats and arranged a car seat.

OP posts:
Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:03

Caerulea · 11/02/2025 08:00

I'm a bit confused why her partner dropped her off with no way of getting home? I'm also a bit 😬 that she would have cycled the roads with a toddler? Or are there cycle paths?

No cycle paths. She cycles everywhere with her toddler in a toddler bike seat on the back. Yes, toddler has a little helmet. It's very cute but would probably make me nervous. I do think that's a me issue though because there's not really anything wrong with it and it's good exercise.

OP posts:
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/02/2025 08:04

I think you were unreasonable - when I've taken dd in a cab as a toddler, she's had to sit in the back with a seat belt - i think that as long as you drove carefully, it would've been okay

Even if you didn't want to drive, I take it you offered to arrange a cab for her?

Sometimes life isn't perfect and we just need a helping hand op

Edited-- apologies, I've just seen your extra posts that you had several people in the car already and have changed my vote. Still would've offered cab money though if I could

JustMyView13 · 11/02/2025 08:06

These things only ever end one of two ways. A tale of when a friend done it and it was fine, or the tragic story of when it was not.

You done the right thing. I’d have done the same and wouldn’t feel guilty about another persons inability to plan. As others have said, she could’ve called a taxi.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:06

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/02/2025 08:04

I think you were unreasonable - when I've taken dd in a cab as a toddler, she's had to sit in the back with a seat belt - i think that as long as you drove carefully, it would've been okay

Even if you didn't want to drive, I take it you offered to arrange a cab for her?

Sometimes life isn't perfect and we just need a helping hand op

Edited-- apologies, I've just seen your extra posts that you had several people in the car already and have changed my vote. Still would've offered cab money though if I could

Edited

She's a fully capable adult who doesn't need me to arrange her cabs. I am not a cab and don't have an exemption for unrestrained kids btw. I drive safely but the people I share the road with might not that day. You just never know.

If I'd agreed it would be my fine, my conviction, my license and, worst, having to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. Which is what flashed through my head when she asked.

I also can't afford to pay for a cab for her.

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 11/02/2025 08:06

I would have done the same as you. I understand she didn't want to miss the group if it's only once a month, but if she didn't have any way to safely get home then she should have just not gone. If she is a close friend she could also have messaged you beforehand explaining the situation and saying she is happy to get the bus, but would need dropping off. You mention you have a bigger car (7 seater?) so if she had asked nicely maybe you could have helped her had you known in advance.

Whaleandsnail6 · 11/02/2025 08:07

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/02/2025 08:04

I think you were unreasonable - when I've taken dd in a cab as a toddler, she's had to sit in the back with a seat belt - i think that as long as you drove carefully, it would've been okay

Even if you didn't want to drive, I take it you offered to arrange a cab for her?

Sometimes life isn't perfect and we just need a helping hand op

Edited-- apologies, I've just seen your extra posts that you had several people in the car already and have changed my vote. Still would've offered cab money though if I could

Edited

Why would op offer to arrange a cab?

This is a grown woman who can arrange her own cab.

The friend was massively unreasonable to go to a place without a thought of how she would safely get her toddler home.

Doloresparton · 11/02/2025 08:07

I wouldn’t put my dog in the footwell let alone a dc.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:08

Doloresparton · 11/02/2025 08:07

I wouldn’t put my dog in the footwell let alone a dc.

Good thought. Even my dogs have restraints in my car.

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 11/02/2025 08:08

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:06

She's a fully capable adult who doesn't need me to arrange her cabs. I am not a cab and don't have an exemption for unrestrained kids btw. I drive safely but the people I share the road with might not that day. You just never know.

If I'd agreed it would be my fine, my conviction, my license and, worst, having to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. Which is what flashed through my head when she asked.

I also can't afford to pay for a cab for her.

Edited
Show quote history

Agree why is a grown woman with I assume no learning difficulties relying on someone else to sort her a cab and fix her travel arrangements? She surely knew this would happen at the end and either needed to wait for their partner to come and pick them up or just sort themselves out. Why would you turn up to a group and then expect someone else to arrange their journey home?

JHound · 11/02/2025 08:09

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:34

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

The fact your friend went somewhere without having a way of getting home is honestly the weirdest part of this story. They sound very irresponsible.

JHound · 11/02/2025 08:10

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/02/2025 08:04

I think you were unreasonable - when I've taken dd in a cab as a toddler, she's had to sit in the back with a seat belt - i think that as long as you drove carefully, it would've been okay

Even if you didn't want to drive, I take it you offered to arrange a cab for her?

Sometimes life isn't perfect and we just need a helping hand op

Edited-- apologies, I've just seen your extra posts that you had several people in the car already and have changed my vote. Still would've offered cab money though if I could

Edited

Why would you offer a cab for an adult woman to get home?