No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

[farmlife2]

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

Re-framing this; it is a strength to say no in some circumstances.
What we have here, is you having the integrity to not being pushed into something you felt was wrong/unsafe.
Doing the right thing can sometimes come with feelings of unease.
The unease isn't pleasant and can confuse us; but you are not responsible for your friend's feelings.

Of course you weren't a bad friend. Good friends don't risk the lives of children.

My home is on the other side of town and no, all the adults were at work (or not sure what the married one was up to but she's an hour away, so ...)

I guess I could have dragged one of the teenagers out of school. 😄

Yes, I suspect she was just stuck and didn't think it through. She doesn't have form for this sort of thing. I was surprised.

Omg no !!!! I’d never agree to this !

Were there children In all the car seats?

If they weren't there would never have been an issue. It would have been easy.

What about the husband? He happily dropped his wife & baby to a place that sounds like it’s in the back of beyond with no way home. Dickhead.

There’s a difference between following a rule just because it’s a rule, and following it because it’s been put in place for well-founded reasons to do with children's safety.

You were right.

I think ppls perception of risk is so funny cos there's not a chance in hell that the risk of having a toddler on a bike on a road is safer than even the original ridiculous footwell idea.

So I’m just trying to understand

you have 3 pre schoolers and all three were in car seats in the back?

I would have given her a lift if the child could sit in a seat as could she. In the footwell, no way.

Yes.

It sounds like You just didn’t have room. If there was a space you are allowed to travel without a car seat if it is an unexpected journey.

god some ludicrous comments.

she isn't 'selfish and lazy' for trying to find a solution to make it to a grpup if she is feeling isolated with a little one.

I personally would have put her in the back holding the baby tight/ with seatbelt etc.

I have done this in taxis which is perfectly legal - I would then have driven very slowly!

No fucking way. I once unclipped my belt for a second to pick something up from the floor. The second it clicked back into place my brother in law slammed the brakes because a car had pulled out in front of him and I still flew forward. If I'd still have been bent down I probably wouldn't be here. A child in the footwell would have been crushed.

Lesson learnt. These days if something rolls on the floor it stays there until we stop. It wouldn't even occur to me to take risks with a child's life like that.

Oh my gosh you are NOT unreasonable. There is no way I would ever take a child in my car without an appropriate car seat. This includes not putting an infant in a forward facing toddler seat. Not worth the risk.

Wow in your fifties with three pre schoolers and multiple adult kids… respect!

Very early 50s and yes, kids old enough to make me a grandma. Oh...my DD doesn't drive. lol. Guess I better keep a big car.

OP has said there was no room in the back as her own DC were there in their car seats.

You couldn't help her and that's absolutely fine. I'm sure she won't still be arsey next month. Apart from the risk if there was an accident, if you'd been pulled over by chance, I don't know what laws exactly (I don't drive for medical reasons) but I don't think the police would have taken kindly to having a child in the footwell. It's not the 70s. She should have left it when you were clear you had no seats.

I can't believe a PP said you should have arranged and paid her taxi. WTF?!

Probably because that's both illegal and stupid.

YANBU. Too risky. I keep a travel booster in the boot for situations like this, better than nothing, it's come in handy more times than I like. Can't understand parents being so poorly prepared though, how did she think they would get home safely? Mad.

Personally you could have got into a lot of trouble, and drive slowly is being th dangerous to other road users and completely unhelpful anyway.

And you definitely have “young kids” Op!! (I was on the thread where you said that there aren’t any young kids in your family)