Friend kissed my baby, feeling upset

[Lurkinmn]

A friend came to visit me and asked if she can take the baby. Baby is 16 weeks old, I gave her the baby and she did a quick peck on my baby's cheek. I was shocked that why would she kiss other people's baby. I was upset and when she left I wiped my baby's face but I am feeling quite upset about her inconsiderate behaviour putting my baby's health risk. Baby has been fussy last night and I am feeling quite worried about my baby's health. Baby has all her vaccines so far.
What should I do and what should I say to her and other visitors coming to our place to see baby?

Ofcourse I have kissed a baby. Babies are eminently kissable. A bit older then yours - about 6 months and on the head rather than face. Being as I was holding her and breathing near her I don’t see what difference it makes.

Genuinely I think you need help. All children get coughs, colds and sick - that’s their immune system developing.

Im sure the groundwork for this sort of thing starts with pregnancy and the huge lists of dos and don’t - within reason this is sensible but for some who are already vulnerable it re enforces the idea that every little thing is to be fretted over or avoided altogether or something terrible will happen.

It won’t. It’s sensible to not do things where there is a genuine risk but if someone eats some blue cheese by accident for example the actual risks are incredibly low.

Same for germs and kissing babies. Yes there are things that can happen but the reality of them actually happening is tiny.

You are overreacting.
Show your baby as much affection as you can
I used to pretend to eat mine!

I kiss babies AND give their heads/hair a good old sniff because there isn't anything quite as wonderful as the new baby smell. Thank goodness you and I aren't friends!

Yes, I do kiss a friends baby on the cheek
I wouldn't visit if I was unwell

I would ask permission to hold - but once held I would assume that kissing and snuggling was part of the deal

You're getting a lot of horrible responses. People are awful. It's your baby, and these are the boundaries you have put in place, they should be respected.

I'm sorry you're dealing with healthy anxiety, I know how stressful it is especially when you have a young baby.

I remember reading somewhere that kissing babies helps their brains grow into happy brains.

Unless your friend has open sores on her mouth, {cold sores} then it's daft to be concerned about a kiss.

I personally don't even touch people's babies, because I know their mothers can worry, but people who ''love babies'' do tend to want to kiss them.

BF also gives babies a great immune boost as well, so your Baby should be fine.

Smiley, happy babies do tend to get a lot of attention, and it becomes a positive feedback loop - Babies generally love attention and eye contact.

One of the saddest things re attention I saw was a dear little toddler at a park trying to show his or her older dad some pretty fallen leaves-🍂 🍁 - the dad was just glued to his phone.

The little one was trying so hard to get Dad's attention.

Then the little one wandered off with their Ball - Dad still head down in phone.

Poor baby..the Dad {Grandad?} should have been interacting with his child. {a good, sweet child, as we were at the outdoor cafe for 45 mins, and the little one entertained themselves for all that time.

I think you have anxiety issues and overreacting.
Why would you not kiss your own baby?
Im sure if you discuss this with your GP he will tell you that your baby will have its own antibodies and will come to no harm.
I sincerely hope you kiss your eldest child.

Very sad post.
Strange times. (Unless the kisser has a cold sore or illness).
Can’t imagine what the future will bring. Baby kept in glass container with ventilation probably.
Please try & lower your anxiety levels. 💐 Good luck.

While it does appear as though the OP suffers from health anxiety it seems a bit unfair to label her ‘bonkers’. I suffer from cold sores which were passed on to me by a relative when I was very young and I can assure you it’s not fun (especially embarrassing when I was a teenager and before I worked out neat tea tree oil zaps them). As with everything in life, a bit of common sense would probably be a good idea here. No history of cold sores? Kiss to your heart’s content.

Well, no, but then I'm not a baby person and usually avoid baby holding - I love my own of course but I'm really not bothered about other people's kids.

OP, I see you're worried but really, your baby will be fine. Presumably if their sibling was in the hospital often they had a health condition of some sort, surely that wasn't due to someone kissing them ?

Babies are fragile but they're also actually pretty tough !

Maybe consider talking to someone - either a friend or a professional - about your fears ? As it sounds like it's impacting your life, and could potentially impact your children's lives if you keep being this anxious around their health.

And I know you're probably thinking right now "well, I'm only protecting them", and of course you are, but protecting them too much can be just as harmful.

By the time my DS was four months old I'd kissed his face, his tummy, his fingers, his toes, his eyes, his nose...it's weird not to kiss your baby. And is he breastfed? Do you disinfect your nipples before every feed?!

Over reacting. That's not healthy. Are you suffering with PND?

If you don't have an active cold sore, you can't transmit the virus.

If you don't expose your baby to anything, how on earth can she build up resistance?! An immune system needs something to learn to fight against.

This has to be a wind up

Massive overreaction.

yes I have probably kissed every baby I ever held in my arms, I thinks its impossible not to!

I'd think someone who didn't kiss their own infant to be cold however in your case this seems to be more of an irrational fear so I'd pity you if I met you.

I think you might need to get some therapy, its normal for babies and toddlers to get sick in fact it strengthens their immune systems. Do you feel like you don't have control over anything major in your life? Often these irrational fears are in response to feeling out of control. I'm not trying to be mean but your attitude about this is strange and will cause more problems in future I suspect.

I'm sure you're doing this out of the desire to be a good mother and you love your children so hopefully a little therapy (even just a few visits could help a lot) will get you in a better place and allow you to be en even better mother. 💝

Jesus christ. How do you cope with everyday life? Poor kid, will be hand-held by helicopter mummy into his 30s.

Good luck to him, he'll need it.

Agreed. There seems to be things recently constantly being shared all over social media about not touching or kissing babies, I think it’s making parents extra anxious.

Massive overreaction.

What a wild take.

People are concerned about the baby AND the mother here. It's not normal behaviour and not good for anyone involved.

My baby had eczema herpeticum and I still believe she should be kissing her baby.

Oh gosh everyone's being so harsh and obviously hasn't experienced health anxiety. I do understand as I have a friend with a severely disabled child who got kissed by someone With a cold sore. Turned into encephalitis and her perfectly healthy child is now severely brain damaged. So I understand from the point of view about your cold sore. Just don't kiss her when you have one. As for your husband and the baby's sibling, kiss away!! I also have a baby and am not keen on friends kissing him although they do, it is a true it helps to build their immunity and once they're at nursery they'll be putting everything into their mouth and unfortunately you won't be able to prevent that. Take care x

I meditate every day, and coincidentally, today’s meditation was about letting go of anxious thoughts - because anxiety robs us of joy. I used meditation.

I am an Olympic gold standard worrier and fritter, and this has helped me - maybe it would help you too. @Lurkinmn.